~Paige
"Paige are you crazy? You know what this means right?" Vanessa practically yells at me, panic and worry written across her face.
"That I have less time to live if I do this?" I reply, wasting no time in pulling my own clothes back over my body. "Yeah. I know what this means."
Clearly not set on changing my mind any time soon, I finish putting my clothes on and throwing the uncomfortable hospital gown I have been wearing for the past week, on top of the bed.
Vanessa was in the room with me when the doctor came in to check on me earlier this morning. I made sure to talk about this with him when none of the boys were in the room. I expressed to the doctor about how I've come to terms with my situation, how my lung cancer had become terminal and that I understand there is hardly any hope for a cure at this point.
All I wanted to do was live while I can, not spend day after day in this cold and bland hospital room waiting for death to come.
He considered what I told him and agreed to discharge me from the hospital. Which is exactly why I am frantically packing my belongings and ready to get out of here as fast as I can.
Navigating myself around Vanessa and moving as fast as I can to stuff my things into my bag, she continues. "Paige, please just look at me for a second. Think about what you're doing!"
I ignore her.
"Paige!" She yells, grabbing me by the shoulders and forcing me to look at her. Vanessa's eyes are glossed over with tears, reminding me that this is my reality. I've not only put myself through this, but my friends as well. "Don't do this. Don't leave the hospital when they can still take care of you here." Her voice shakes as she talks to me.
I look back at my best friend, feeling myself trying to breathe as I finally stop frantically trying to get out of here. My breathing is the fastest it's been in a long time. It almost makes me dizzy as I try to catch my breath and focus on Vanessa at the same time.
It takes a lot for me to finally shake my head and respond to her, "There's hardly anything they can do for me anymore, Nessa." Tears begin to blur my vision but I blink them away, determined to stay strong until the end. "My lung cancer is terminal. The most they can do at this point is check in on me to see if I'm still alive."
Acceptance is the hardest part, but for my own sake it's important for me to know the truth. I can't keep living in denial like everyone else around me is.
Vanessa removes her hands from my shoulder and drops her arms to rest by her side, "This is so unfair." She says sadly.
Without another word, I embrace my best friend in a hug. Wrapping my arms around her and allowing her head to rest against my shoulder as she begins uncontrollably sobbing. Ever since I was diagnosed and confessed to Vanessa what I was going through, all I expected to happen was for her to stick by my side throughout this entire process. I never considered the fact of just how scared she would be by the outcome of this all.
"Why do good people go through such terrible things?" She cries into my shoulder.
I wrap my arms around her even tighter, allowing my own tears to fall and slide down my pale cheeks. "You're a good person, Nessa. I never would have gotten through this as strongly as I did if it weren't for you."
"It's just so unfair, Paige." She pulls back, looking at me with puffy eyes and mascara stained cheeks. I wipe her overflowing tears away with the pad of my thumb. "I can't imagine my life without you in it."
"You don't have to, not now at least."
Nobody ever prepares you for the hard conversations you are going to have with the people you love most before its your time. It may seem like I talk about the pain I'm going through as if it hardly has as an affect on me, but the truth is that I feel like a piece of me is already dead inside.
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Ghost Of You | cth
Fanfiction"Promise me you'll be fine?" She said as the two of held onto each other's hands for dear life. "I'll be just fine." I said kissing her hand and reassured her through my tears.
