Raging Hearts- Jaylor

Breakdown

One month later......

It was a cold January night. Taylor was using her laptop and her mobile under the blanket while all the other members of the family were sound asleep. The clock struck at 12 and Taylor smiled warmly and mumbled, "Happy birthday mom" And resumed binge watching.

It was 1 in the morning and she went to the gallery and played a slide show of her memories with her mom. She simply grinned with tears in her eyes. Only till she couldn't handle that mix feeling of grief, happiness and sorrow, she closed her laptop. She removed the blanket off her and wiped her tears. It was a surprise that even though she cried so much, nobody had ever seen her tears accept her mom, dad and Austin. She slowly crept out of the bed and tip toed out of her room to check if her dad was asleep. He was asleep to her relief. She returned to her room and opened the window. She grabbed her mobile, her favorite red scarf and a jacket and stepped out.

Somehow, she climbed down safely. This was the second time she was sneaking out at night. Without thinking, she stormed off to her comfort place, which was the sea shore. She sat on the ice cold sand and held her knees to her chest and played her comfort song, 'So Far Around The Bend' (The National) on repeat, on her phone.

She could literally see the young Taylor, younger Austin, Andrea and Scott racing against each other on the shore, tracing hearts and names on the sand, making sand castles and Scott filming and taking pics of them, in front of her eyes. Those were the happiest days of Taylor's life which were certainly over.

While sitting there in silence, she heard someone else mumbling the lyrics to the song. She flinched and cautiously turned around to see who it was.

Joe. It was him. Their eyes met and Joe quickly broke the eye contact again. She stood up and shouted, "What the actual fuck Joe. You shared the crap outta me" Joe said nothing. Taylor, who was expecting some sassy comeback, his silence bit her hard.

She inhaled and then exclaimed, "Why aren't you saying something?" Then she slowly walked towards his frozen body. She looked up to his face which was wet with tears.

"Oh my god, what is up with you?" She asked and kept a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He tossed her hand and then said, "Please don't. I can't do this anymore" More tears streamed as he spoke those words. He moved towards the sea even though the water was so cold and sat on the sand.

Taylor did nothing but ran behind him. She tapped on his back and then asked, "Is it me? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you so much"

He clicked his tongue and then said, "No it's not you"

She looked around, thinking how to make him stop crying. It was clear that he was internally breaking. "I know we aren't..................friends or anything, but........... I'm here for you.....if you need someone to talk to" She tried time make him open up.
"I don't want to bother you. Seriously, it's all just.....a lot" he cried.
Taylor thought for a moment about what to say and then said, "Hey, look at me, I'm not going anywhere"
"E-everything's r-r-ruined" Joe sputtered, his head still buried in his knees.
Taylor sat besides him and hesitantly put her arm around him (for the first time) as they were sitting by the water. "I'm sure not everything's ruined"
"No it is. M-my parents are getting a d-divorce and r-Rebecca cheated on me and we b-b-broke up and I have no idea what am I doing in academics" he said and sobbed. He was totally broke from inside. All his life turned upside down in less than a week. He felt totally helpless and useless.
"I'm sure it will get better, trust me" Taylor tried to comfort Joe.
"Shut up. You can never understand what I feel" he fumed at her. 
She looked over the ocean as wind blew through her dark hair and then said, "You have no idea what I can understand" 
"No, you can't understand this. Y-You just c-can't" He hissed. 
"Oh really? You remember that night when we first met and you said that I looked like a mommy's girl?" 
Not only them, but nobody ever forgot that night. Joe nodded and she continued, trying not to break down, "Well, right at that moment, I got a notification from dad. He said that she was gone, gone forever" 
Joe finally raised his head up and asked, "Who was gone?.............Tayluh, who was gone?" 
She took her hand away from his back and held her hands together. She then answered, "My m-mom. She p-p-passed away from cancer. I rushed to my house and she wasn't completely gone, but was taking her last breaths. I am so glad that I could at least say her a last goodbye. That's why that 'Momma's girl' triggers so much. Like how am I a momma's girl when I don't have a mom" She calmly narrated with her voice cracking a little as silent tears streamed down her face and a small smile of acceptance was visible on her face. She chuckles a little because she doesn't want anyone to see her as emotionally weak. 
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I am extremely sorry. I had no idea you went through this" Joe apologized as his tears disappeared. 
"No its fine. It's been five years already. And thats why, I understand your pain" She said, wiping a tear off her face. 
There was an awkward silence for a minute as Joe breaks it, "So, what brings you here?" 
"Today's her birthday. And we used to come to this beach every year" She answered. 
"My life is nothing as compared as compared to yours" He scoffed. 
"No that's no true. Your problems are big for you and my problems are big for me. We can't really compare them you know? And I feel like shit right now" Taylor chuckled and resumed the song on her phone.
"You look like it too" He grinned and they bumped shoulders.
He continued, "Since we are discussing stuff, why did you dye your hair?" He enquired curiously. 
She took in a deep breath and looked at him. She replied, "I was blonde when my mom was there, it reminded me of her and it was getting too difficult for me to cope up with her death. So I thought if I change my hair color, I would get over it easily" She flipped her hair. 
He smacked his lips and then remarked, "You know? I liked the blonde Taylor better" 
Taylor opened her eyes wide and her lips stretched to a big smile. She exclaimed, "Whoa, you liked me?" 
He hit his forehead and then said, "No, no, I said it looked better. And I seriously take my words back" She hit him on his shoulder while he threw his head back laughing like a kid. 
"No, seriously, it looked better. And I think you should go back to being blonde because a part of your mom, this way will always naturally be with you no matter what" He said it casually without realizing how much sense it actually made. 
She looked at the stars and then  nodded thoughtfully, "HMMMM, Not bad, Alwyn" She chuckled.