Lacerta Black -- James Potter --

25

trigger warnings: internalized homophobia, alludes to abuse/rape, panic attack, pov of an obsessed prick, vomiting, blood

"Hey pretty boy," a voice called, running to catch up with Regulus. It wasn't a hard task since he was incredibly dizzy and practically stumbling to the hospital wing. Gavin Mannen was a boy in his year, a muggleborn Hufflepuff that always seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Mannen," Regulus nodded at the other boy with a small grin. He couldn't help the fuzzy feeling he got when he saw that wide smile or those hazel eyes. 

Gavin pushed his shoulder-length dreads back with a bashful look. "You look like you're about the kneel over and die."

His face burned with embarrassment. Even though he was still new to the idea of being with anyone he wanted, he could tell that he fancied Gavin - just a little bit. The fact that his crush was telling him he looked one foot in the grave made him want to spew. "Gee thanks," he said coldly, trying to walk away as fast as he could. 

A hand clutched his arm, pulling him to a stop. "I'm sorry," he rushed to say. "I didn't mean it like that. I should've just asked how you were feeling instead of making it a joke."

He forced himself to smile. "It's alright," he said. "I feel like shit, so I probably look it too."

"Where are you going?" he asked with concern laced in his tone.

"Hospital wing," he muttered with a blush. 

"Do you want me to walk you there?" Gavin asked. 

"Nope, I'm good," he shook his head frantically. "I'll try and meet you after class, alright?"

"See you later pretty boy," he smirked at him before walking down a different corner. 

He watched him go, staring a bit too long at his trousers before the voice of his mother shouted in his head, "Toujours pur Regulus!" 

 He stumbled into the wall as if he'd been struck. 'This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong,' he thought over and over again. The voice of reason refused to emerge as all he could hear was his parents screaming in his ear. 

It was as if he was in the drawing room of Grimmauld all over again. They grabbed him by his curls and pushed his face into the tapestry to remind him of his birthright. It was his duty to continue the family line, to marry pureblood, to marry a girl. He remembered what they did to Sirius when they found out about Remus. 

They had hired a girl to come and change his mind. Sirius cried for hours afterwards, not even allowing Lacerta to come into his room. He left a week later. 

"Reg," warm hands grabbed his own, pulling them away from his hair. He hadn't even realized that he had fallen to the floor in choking sobs. The voice felt so far away and only vaguely familiar. "Take a deep breath. It's alright. Everything's ok, Reg."

"I c-can't breathe," he gasped. 

They pulled his head to their chest where he could hear the steady beat of their heart. "Do it with me. In. Out. In. Out."

It felt like hours of sitting there just breathing until his vision wasn't as hazy and instead of panic, he was just exhausted. "Lacey?" he asked as he looked up at her. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" she kissed his cheek, helping him stand up with a great deal of effort."

"How did Tonya know she was gay?" he asked quietly. 

If she was surprised or upset, she didn't show it. "I think she's always known. Whenever we talked about boys she just wasn't interested, and she had a crush on Stevie Nicks. After a bit of drinking, we kissed for a bit and then she told us the next day that she liked girls."