Lacerta Black -- James Potter --

40

Trigger warning: self-harming briefly mentioned

He looks so beautiful.

Look at what lays under your sleeve.

It's not right to stare at him the way you are.

It's better than how the others look at people like him.

Regulus's thoughts were scattered as of lately. He couldn't focus on one thing, it always jumped to the next before he could even remember what he was thinking of. Flashes of the disgust on his sister's face haunt him. Of Gavin's hurt. Of Sirius's anger. It all swirls around his brain like those moving pictures the muggles watch. 

Poor, hopeless Gavin had been so confused when Regulus returned to school. He had been expecting secret outings around the school that could end in snogging in a broom cupboard. He hadn't been expecting Regulus to be so very cold and cruel. His face had fallen so fast when Regulus called him that - that word. Mudblood.

It had to happen this way. They would be safe. 

The mark itched terrible. The skin around it was red from where he scratched at the surrounding skin. 

Lacerta held nothing but confusion and disgust for her younger brother. He had started associating with Selwyn and Snape to make the most distance between them and paid for it dearly. The way they talked about his sister - and women in general - was disturbing. His tongue held indents where his teeth bit into it. Evan and Barty had welcomed him back warily, but they were slowly returning to the trio they used to be before he had escaped. 

He had escaped once. Tasted fresh air. Lived.

Now he was trapped again. 

They would be safe. It would be worth it.

The Dark Lord talked about his revenge frequently during the few meetings he attended. It wasn't just James and Lacerta he wanted dead either. Dumbledore and Mad-Eye Moody were also among the growing lists. But Regulus was careful, quiet, and true Slytherin. He was cunning. Over the holidays, the Dark Lord asked to borrow his house-elf and he was quick to offer Kreacher to him. 

He was gaining their trust and would finally be face-to-face with his parents once more. He couldn't imagine Walburga and Orion relived, in fact, he was sure that they would be furious that their plan to murder their children was thwarted. Sirius had taken the hit all those years. He could handle this. 

He could. 

He had the mark this time to make them proud. 

Sirius had punched him when he found out. It scarily reminded him of when their father would raise his fist in anger, but he didn't mind when his brother did it because he deserved it. He deserved the black eye that Sirius gave him because he had made a silent promise to be there, and he broke it. 

It would be worth it when the war was over, and he told his brother everything he did to keep them all safe. It would be worth the proud expression he was sure to see on Sirius's face. On Lacerta's. A part of him hoped that Gavin would wait for him. That they would be together in the way Sirius and Remus belonged together. 

They would get matching tattoos over their left forearms to cover the ugly one that laid there currently, and he would spend the rest of their lives apologizing. They would get a brilliant Victorian house with a large library and a dozen cats, because Gavin liked cats and he didn't want children of his own. Of course, there would be rooms for their nieces or nephews, because his siblings would most likely have children of their own.

Another part of him hoped that he died saving them so that he didn't have to face them again. In case they didn't understand or turned him away. 

In case Gavin moved on.

A schoolboy crush he reminded himself. 

You shouldn't be feeling like this for any man his mother's voice interjected.

Regulus was sure that he was going mad. He couldn't help it. He was stuck in a fantasy land while dreaming of another. His reality was hating him from the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables, Lacerta didn't like to sit at the Slytherin tables anymore. The voices, or his thoughts - he wasn't really sure there was a difference anymore, were constantly there. Sometimes they were so loud that he woke up just to calm them down. 

Going insane was another trait that the Black family liked to pass down to their children. Bellatrix had gone certifiably mad with the way she carelessly walked down the streets killing muggles. They were mere insects underneath her heeled boots. She took pleasure in squishing them. 

He picked at the skin around his thumb to calm him down. He tuned into Selwyn's conversation, watching wistfully as his sister walked past with James's hand laying protectively around her waist. Nothing like the possessive grip that Selwyn had on her last year. 

"Enjoying my sloppy seconds, Potter!" he called out teasingly, meaning to be cruel but the young couple giggled to themselves.

"Very much so," James shouted back, pressing a kiss to his sister's head as she grinned up at him with nothing but adoration in her eyes. They were already around the corner before he could come up with a clever response, but let's face it, it would've taken him a while to come up with something to retort. 

"I can't wait for the day that Potter and Black get what's coming to them," Selwyn seethed. Regulus used the familiar indents in his tongue to bite down on. He noticed Snape stir uncomfortably at the mention of something happening to his sister. "I'm going to ask the Dark Lord if I can be there when he finally kills them."

That wouldn't be happening anytime soon, Regulus thought triumphantly. He would prevent it. He could save them or die trying.