Lacerta Black -- James Potter --

45

Trigger warnings: alludes to SA and brief mentions of suicidal thoughts

Her hands shook uncontrollably as she clutched at the scratchy fabric of the hospital wing blanket. Lacerta knew that she couldn't avoid the boys for the rest of her life so with Mary holding her hand she assured Pomfrey that it was finally ok to let the Marauders in. Tonya decided to make herself scarce so that she wouldn't get overwhelmed with everyone around her bed.

When he entered, she forgot why she was nervous. There he was with dark bruises underneath his eyes and his hair wilder than ever as he walked towards her with a rush in his step before he stopped himself and walked more hesitantly. Sirius trailed awkwardly behind him with Peter by his side. She thanked Merlin when Remus came over as if nothing had changed. Like she wasn't broken.

"Hey Liz," James tried to smile but it came out awkward and crooked. He wasn't going to make any movements unless she gave him the greenlight, so she reached out to play with his fingers. Lacerta could feel the tension leaving his shoulders at her gentle touch. The James in front of her was like a diluted version of the bubbly version of her boyfriend that she usually saw.

"Hi James," she said with a croaky voice, unused to talking after being silent for nearly a week. It seemed painful to look at him after that. Memories that weren't there anymore pushed at her eyes making it literally painful to look at them. The moment subsided as soon as it began and she lightly kicked Sirius, who had settled at the end of her bed. This got a pitiful laugh out of the group that grew more genuine after Peter snorted.

A heavy silence fell upon them. No one could formulate the right words. Until Peter finally managed a quick question that was so rushed at first, he had to repeat it twice. "How are you feeling? Like physically and mentally? Is there anything I can get for you?"

She could see the twinge of guilt on James's face for not asking first. She gave him a quick squeeze, "I'm doing better, but I could use some books or anything to keep me busy while I'm stuck here." It wasn't exactly a lie. She was doing better. Even if the change was from a suicidal mute to depressed and talking. In all honesty, years of abuse from her parents seemed to have prepared her for that moment. She didn't feel as affected as the days went on, used to brushing her trauma aside and moving on.

She only had two more days left in the infirmary and wanted nothing more than to go back to her dorm. Lacerta usually wished to be enclosed in her boyfriend's arms but she felt dirty. Too gross for someone as pure as James Potter. Her skin was marked up with heinous words and the only thing James had was the jagged lines from saving Snape from Remus on a full moon. He was a hero and she was. . .  Well she just had to look at her stomach for the reminder.

"I can bring you a couple of books," Remus said looking amused. She was reminded of how grateful she was for Remus Lupin who knew what it was like to be gawked out for something out of his control. She hoped that he could see it in her eyes because she didn't know how to say the words outright.

"We talked to Regulus," Sirius said carefully. "He told us what happened—"

"I don't want to know," she said sternly. And even though some part of her yearned to know, she knew that it would haunt her more than not knowing. At least without knowing, she could pretend that it never happened. All she had to do was avoid certain Slytherins and never look at her stomach again. Easy. The worst part would be the way her friends were treating her. Like broken glass. Their eyes flickering to the gown that hid her bandages.

"But wouldn't you want to—"

"James," she said with a tone that left no room argue, "I don't want to know."

They all looked like they wanted to say more so Mary stepped up. "If I could forget what happened when it was me then I would. Let her have this and stop inputting your opinions because you have no idea what it's like."

"You're right," Remus said quickly. They hung their heads in shame. "We are lucky enough to not know."

"I get it," Sirius said with a dark expression. She could see the ghost of a memory playing behind his eyes. A week before he had ran away from home, their parents had found out he was gay and hired a prostitute to 'fix' him. None of the boys had known - Sirius didn't think that they would understand since he was a boy. They gave him questioning looks that he ignored and Lacerta moved her hand from her boyfriend to her brother's. "I'm with Mary."

"Sirius—" Remus started but he was cut off with a pointed look that let them know not to push the matter any further.

"Damn," Peter shook his head with wide eyes, "this has been one hell of a year so far and it's not even December." When everyone raised a brow he continued. "First Regulus dives to the dark side then Prongs goes to the hospital wing from stress and now this! Do you think our lives are ever going to go back to how they were?"

Lacerta snorted. "You mean like last year when Regulus and I escaped from Grimmauld only to get poisoned and I somehow fell in love with my brother's best friend? "

"WAIT? Love," Sirius croaked out with comically wide eyes. He was promptly ignored.

"Pete, I'm sure every witch and wizard has lives as crazy as ours," Remus chuckled. The group were all happy to make light of the situation, even Lacerta who was growing weary of the somber mood was glad to be distracted from it even for a moment. Especially Sirius who didn't want to bring up his old trauma any more than he'd already had. They couldn't possibly think of how worse their lives would get in the future.