It All Started with a Beanie

(31)

Neil

Ever since we got back home from the trip, I couldn't keep Beanie off of my mind. She had opened up to me and told me something that was personal to her and it seemed as if we never got to talk about that. 

Christmas at my house was the usual. We all exchanged gifts and then watched Char's facial expressions as she opened each and every one of her gifts. It's the same every year but I'm not saying I mind.

New Year's Eve was in three days and I hadn't been able to keep Erin off my mind. Every room in my house reminded me of her. In almost every room of the house, and including the front yard, I had a memory with her. These memories were what made me want to wake up in the morning. 

I knew I had feelings for her and I wanted to act on them but I wasn't sure if she felt the same.

Mom, Char, and Zach went to visit Zach's side of the family for the New Year, in a town a couple hours from here, so I had the house to myself. As I'm watching another episode of The Vampire Diaries -- what can I say, it caught my eye -- I hear a soft knock at the door. I pause the show and wait a moment before getting up and deciding to see who it is.

I open the door and immediately recognize the smaller body. "Beanie?"

Her teary eyes stare into mine and as if instinct, I pull her into me. Her arms dangle by her sides before she wraps them around. Her tears flow as if a stream and her grip on me is one I never want to feel leave.

We stand in the cold weather for a minute or two before she stops crying. She pulls away to wipe her eyes and I take this moment to pull her into the house. Her body shivers slightly as she's trying to adjust to the cold. I can tell she's not okay and lead her to the couch. She sits down and stares off at something. 

A sigh leaves my lips, feeling bad for her. I don't know what happened but it seems to be affecting her greatly. Her knees are pulled to her chest, her chin resting atop them. I grab the nearest blanket -- it just so happened to be the one that we used when we fell asleep on the couch together -- and cover her up with it. I look at her for a moment, hoping for some kind of response but when I don't get it, I go to the kitchen. I pour some milk into a mug and place it into the microwave. As I'm waiting for the milk to heat up, I find some hot cocoa mix, marshmallows, and a blueberry muffin.

When I get back to the living room, I find the TV playing and her eyes glued to the screen.

"You like this show?" My voice catches her off guard and she quickly turns to me. A slight blush quickly rises to her face and I can't help but smile.

"I don't dislike it. Dance Moms is my go-to show." 

"Dance Moms? Really?" I toy with her in my words as I hand her the cocoa and muffin. A smile lights up her face and I look at her in awe.

God, she's adorable.

"What?" She asks. She holds curiosity within her words and eyes. I wave my hand and she dismisses the thought. Her eyes drift back to the show and I make my way to the laundry room. I find a sweatshirt and a pair of socks amongst my laundry and heat them up quickly.

"For me?" She asks when I hold out the clothes in front of her. I nod and she doesn't hesitate to put them on. She removes the blanket from around her and goes to take her current sweatshirt off so I quickly turn around. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind seeing what was under her shirt, but I don't think she would be comfortable with that I don't want to push anything.

I waited a moment before turning around. She was snuggled up with the blanket and held a soft smile on her face. I sat down next to her, facing the majority of my body in her direction.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I noticed her smile drop and an upset expression moved onto her face.

She sighed before beginning. "This morning I went through some stuff from old house. It brought back a lot of memories and then I realized what today would have been." She stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. I knew this was hard for her to talk about; it obviously affected her. I place my hand in top of hers in reassurance. "Today would have been my dad's birthday. I don't know how I forgot but I went to the cemetery and visited him. I stayed there for a while just talking to him, as if he was listening. I then went home and when I got there, I found my mom all snuggled up with some man and she had forgotten what today would have been. I know it's been almost six years since he killed himself but I didn't think she would have already forgotten everything." Tears flowed slowly down her face, falling onto her perfect lips. I wanted so badly to wipe away her tears and kiss her but I didn't want to overstep any boundaries, especially when I don't know how she feels about me.

"Did you look at it from her point of view?" I ask, trying to put my mind elsewhere.

"What do you mean?" She wiped her eyes, sniffling a few times as her eyes held confusion.

"I understand that it's hard to lose someone and grieving is normal but at a certain point, you need to move on." She opened her mouth to retort but I spoke before she could do so. "Your mother loved your father and she's had to deal with his death on her own. Her being with someone just shows that she's accepted his death and has moved on. It will hurt to see her with someone else but it is not because she didn't love him before; she's moving on for her sake."

She didn't respond. She listened to me and took in what I had to say. When she found her mom with the mystery man, she had just clouded her mind with her thoughts and neglected to think of how her mom viewed the situation. I would know.

Out of nowhere, she pulled me into a hug. She moved from under the blankets and swiftly wrapped her arms around my neck. Her face rested on top of my shoulder. I hugged her back, wrapping my arms gently around her abdomen. My face nestled in the crevice of her neck, breathing in her scent. Her body radiated the aroma of vanilla and blueberries and I couldn't get enough of it.

"Thank you." She whispered. Her soft tone caught me off guard but I could her the vulnerability in her voice. 

"Always, Beanie." 

We hugged for a long minute before we pulled away. Then a thought came to my mind.

"Wanna take a drive?"

"Where?"

"It's a surprise."