It All Started with a Beanie

(36)

Flashback

"Dad, can I ask you something?" I walk into the living room, worry dripping off me. Dad sits in his recliner with a beer in his hand as he watches the game.

"Sure, Princess. What's up?" He mutes the TV and looks towards me. I sit on the couch and begin to fiddle with my hands. "Is something wrong?" He holds a look of worry in his eyes but his words come out slightly sore.

"What do you think about me going on a date?"  His eyes widened and I could tell my question came out of nowhere.

"A date? Like with a boy? Alone?" I nod. "No."

"But Daddd. I've never been on a date and this kid in my class asked me and-"

"Erin." He cuts me off. "You're too young to be going on dates. You're only twelve, Princess." He looks into my pleading eyes and sighs. His hazel eyes close momentarily and then open again. A small gasp leaves my lips as I find my father's eyes unrecognizable. I stand up from the couch and back away from him.

"Dad?" He stands up and moves slowly. His steps are slow but are wide. His hand moves to the side of his hip, where his gun is still in its holster. His fingers lightly tap the weapon and my nerves begin to dance erratically. 

"If it was up to me, you would never go on a date." An evil grin emerges on his face. I take another step backwards but my foot gets caught on the rug, pulling me down to the floor. I attempt to move backwards but I am stopped by the wall. My head turns left and right, looking for a way out but there is none.

"Dad, don't..." 

"Actually, it is up to me."  He raises the gun to my head and I turn around. I shut my eyes, thinking this is all just a bad dream. 

Bang.

I jolt forward, waking myself. My throat feels clammy and I realized I screamed when Mom busts through my door.

"Erin? Are you okay?" Her worried eyes scan over my face and body. Warm tears fall down my face and I begin sobbing. She is quick to move onto the bed and wrap me in her arms. 

An hour later, I'm in the shower. I let the warm water fall down my skin, bringing some type of comfort. For a few minutes I just stand there, letting the water cascade over my body. 

Once I'm out of the shower, I'm quick to put on clothes. I wear one of the sweatshirts Parsons gave me and a pair of leggings. I climb back into bed and curl myself into a ball. 

"Erin?" My mom says as she enters the room. She holds a mug in her hand, steam rising from the top. She sits on the edge of my bed and places the mug on the nightstand. Her hand reaches up to my hair and pushes it out of my face. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's the same nightmare."

"You do realize that today is the anniversary of his death?" She asks quietly, as if she's walking on eggshells. 

I sigh, the pieces fitting just like a puzzle. My worst nightmares are always the night before the anniversary.

"I already told the school that you won't be coming in today." She lightly rubs my arms in an attempt to comfort me but I don't think anything would help.

"I just want to sleep." I mumble and she nods. She plants a kiss on top of my head before leaving my room, closing the door behind her.

I roll over and close my eyes. I toss and turn but find myself unable to sleep. I decide to watch Dance Moms to at least distract my mind.

For hours I don't move. I lay in my bed and stare at my TV screen as I watch the moms argue and the little girls dance their hearts out.

I wish Chloe would come back on the show.