It All Started with a Beanie

(6)

The drive home was silent. I didn't bother to turn on the radio since the thoughts in my mind were loud enough.

Do you think he saw you?

What was he doing outside? 

I didn't know he worked out.

Was he looking for something in particular?

Did he recognize my car?

He definitely looked good in just sweatpants.

Why does he wear those weird socks?

I would not have minded looking for a bit longer. He sure is-

"SHUT UP!" 

Then there was silence in my vehicle. Even though the only noise was in my head, it was too loud. I notice I had driven onto my street and try to quickly arrive at my house, feeling a headache come on.

As I slowly pull in and park, the headache hits. I turn off the car and just try to relax. My head rests upon the wheel and my thumbs are creating circles on my thighs. A few deep breaths enter my body and I focus on them as I release the breath of air.

A few minutes later, the headache is mostly gone and I decide to go inside. I grab my things and lock my car before going inside to our small house.

"Erin?" Mom's voice fills the house and I hear it come from the direction of the living room.

"Yeah, it's me." I put my bag and keys on the dining table. "I'm gonna go change real quick."

"Okay, hon. Do you have a movie you want to watch in mind?"

"No. Just something that I enjoy watching." I hear her mumble something but I don't ask, walking to my room. I place my phone on my nightstand to charge before going to the boxes that are still full of my clothes. I pick out one of my very large t-shirts and a pair of shorts, which I only sleep in. 

It's only after I look at myself in my bathroom mirror that I realize I grabbed one of Dad's shirts. I grab the shirt with my hands and bring it to my nose, wondering if it still smells like him.

It still has that weird cologne smell to it.

He only wore that cologne because Mom said she liked it, even though he didn't like it himself.

I release the shirt and shake my body, trying to release the feelings that emerge when I think of Dad. I quickly tie my hair back into a low ponytail and splash some water on my face. I wipe it off and untie my hair, looking at myself.

My hand grabs my beanie off my head and I set it down on the counter. My eyes then immediately go to the spot that I usually cover up. My fingers glide over my skull and I touch around at the roots. The hair isn't fully grown back in yet but the scabs are noticeable. They don't hurt to the touch, but they aren't a pleasant sight to see.

I sigh before grabbing my beanie and putting it back on, exiting my bathroom.

When I enter the living room, the main menu for the movie Gremlins sits on the screen and Mom is on her phone.

"Hey." I say softly and she looks up from her phone. Her blue eyes hold concern and she puts her phone down on the coffee table.

"What's wrong, hon?" She pats the area next to her on the couch before opening her arms wide. I smile slightly before placing myself in her arms. "Talk to me." And that's what I did. I told her about Parsons in math class. I told her about how Cam is my tutor and how nice he is. I told her about meeting Ollie and Liv. I told her about Parsons walking in the kitchen while I was on the phone with Elliott. I told her about Parsons apology. I told her about Lexie Lopez. I told her about the detour I took after school and how I ended up at Parsons' house. I told her about my headache from earlier. And I told her about Dad's shirt.