It All Started with a Beanie

(10)

Neil

For the next week, Erin wasn't at school. We all tried to text her, me the most, but she never responded. I wasn't sure if something had happened to her or if she was just avoiding us.

On Monday, we all didn't seem to mind her absence, considering it could've been for a number of reasons. As the week continued, my worrying grew, invading my mind with every passing minute Erin didn't walk through the door.

"A family member could've died. That could be why she's not here." Ollie tried to reason with me on Wednesday, which failed.

"Maybe she caught a stomach bug over the weekend." Cam said on Thursday, which didn't help either.

"She could've just slept through her alarms." Liv said on Friday.

"For five days? I don't think so."

"Neil..." I look away from Liv and down to my phone, still seeing no messages from Erin. "She's probably fine. Just give her time to do whatever she needs to." Liv's hand sits on my shoulder. I shrug it off and just put my head down.

If she's not fine, it's my fault.

"I just need to make sure that she's okay." I whisper under my breath. I hear Ollie whispering to Cam and Liv, stating his worry for my state of being. But I ignore their comments, yearning for lunch to be over so the end of the school day could come sooner.

When the final bell rang for the week, I quickly got out of my seat and went to the parking lot. I passed my group of friends on the way out but they didn't try to stop me, knowing I couldn't be stopped when my mind was made up. 

I entered my car and closed the door, not turning the key in the ignition yet.

"Why do I care so much?" I said aloud.

Because you're not a complete terrible human being. She got hurt at your house; you're just making sure she isn't dead.

Because you've developed a soft spot for her.

Because she's not like most girls.

Because you have-

I stop the train of answers that my mind have created and turn my car on. Some Aerosmith is playing on the radio and I turn it off, wanting silence.

I don't drive fast, despite my eagerness to see Erin moments ago. As I make my way to her house, a nervous feeling overcomes me. 

Why are you nervous?

I don't know, you tell me.

I don't know either.

Maybe because it's Erin?

Why would that change how I feel? It's just Erin, the girl with the beanie.

I continue to talk to myself and before I know it, I'm in front of Erin's house. I notice two cars in the driveway, meaning Beanie and her mom are probably both home. I park in the street, right in front of their house. I turn the car off and sit for a moment. I take a few deep breaths and gather my thoughts before getting out of the car. I take small and slow steps toward the house, in no rush. 

As I stand in front of the wood door, my hand struggles to lift itself to push the doorbell. I take a few more deep breaths.

Why is this so hard? It's just a doorbell, idiot. Press it.

After giving myself criticism, I find the courage to ring the doorbell. I rock on my feet as I wait for someone to open the door. 

After a minute or two of waiting, I turn to walk away but as I do, the door then opens.