Taming His Stallion [BWWM]

35_Harmony

Paege

Yet again, a lump began to form in my throat.

I tried my best to dispel the unpleasant sensation, but its grip endured, accompanied by a perpetual surge of nostalgia that sought to keep me under.

Tears glazed my eyes once more, and I frenetically blinked them away. I made the choice, and I stand by it. The last thing I needed–or wanted–was to wound up moping around like a puppy that lost its owner.

But alas–that's precisely the emotional estate I'd landed myself in.

I couldn't possibly stress how much I hated this feeling–this uneasiness. It almost stacked up against the hurt and hatred I held at watching my sister leave. Almost.

Feelings that were getting much harder to shake.

She's my older sister. And the only family I had left. Wasn't she supposed to offer me a convincing argument about not doing anything stupid?

And yet, here I am with my head in the mud.

"Shit," I dropped my hand towel, groaning as it hit the dirt, increasingly rather annoyed with myself. My voice betrayed a tremor alongside a sliver of hate directed inward.

It was all I could do to stop the scenario from playing out in my head. And yet it played, again and again. Subjecting me to possibly the worse moment in my life, after losing my entire family.

Staying busy barely managed to keep nagging qualms at bay and was only effective for so long. My temper flared after I saw him in his long-sleeve navy shirt and denims looking all desirable, with his Stetson in hand.

I'm sure his ex would agree.

Funny how she's the one who laid the path, and now I'm the one faced with the consequences.

How could he even think that I would do that to him? After all that I've been through? I didn't have the emotional landscape to let everyone in. Let alone cheat on him.

It infuriated me that he thought I would sully our bond and betray him with the only other friend I had in the world, apart from his sister.

Was that how he really saw me?

When I saw his ex kiss him, all my hope had plummeted at the prospect that they might rekindle their flame. They had history, a past and even an engagement in their rear-view mirror. It wasn't so farfetched that I might be cast aside in favour of rebuilding on their dreams again.

He'd explained that there wasn't a chance of them getting back together, and I took his word for it.

Casey was my only friend for a time–sometimes my only connection to the outside world. It was nothing short of dangerous to even conceive of the possibility of upending our friendship to pursue romantic notions.

Besides, I couldn't possibly see him in that light.

He didn't ask. Though I had never given him a reason to doubt me, he didn't ask. Instead, he had already decided that I was guilty of all he'd imagined enough to work himself up over it.

I practically told him that I didn't want anyone else.

What made his word more valuable than mine?

Where was that trust we'd been working so hard to build? Was it so fragile that at the first inkling of trouble, it had been buried under the mountain of his accusation?

And yet–even now–I'd been gripped by the hollowness of his absence.

My defences may have been robust against others, but it was like a ship without a pilot where he was concerned–destined to crash and burn. It certainly wasn't impervious to him. After all, he was the only soul that had managed to get past them.