Love is a Riot

41

"Care to tell me what happened?" Cain asked, and chugged on whiskey. "Mag-iisang oras ka nang inom lang nang inom, e 'di sana 'di mo na ako isinama kung parang hangin lang ako dito."

"What do you want to hear..." sabi ko at patuloy na uminom. "Besides, you're the only one I can call. You know I have no other friends."

"You've been telling me that for 3 days now," he said, at bumuntong-hininga na lang dahil alam niyang wala siyang makukuhang sagot sa akin. He's been asking me also about Imari pero wala siyang makuhang sagot sa akin kaya naman he stopped already. "Then at least explain to me why you're staying at Deuce's place for days now."

"That..." I massaged my temples because I can already feel the alcohol starting to kick in. "I just realized na mahal ko pa pala siya. The end."

He just looked at me with disbelief evident in his face. "If you don't stop being disgusting like that, I might stop hanging out with you."

"Eh... don't be like that," tumatawa-tawang sabi ko at yumayakap-yakap sa kanya.

"Are you not done yet?" narinig ko ang tikhim mula sa likuran namin at nakita si Damian kaya naman kaagad akong lumayo kay Cain dahil masama na naman ang tingin n'ya sa akin. "Pinapauwi ka na ni Deuce. Let's go."

"Ang KJ naman," sabi ni Cain kay Damian. "Mamaya na! Inom ka rin muna."

Napangiti naman ako nang makita kong kinamot ni Damian ang likod ng ulo nya at kasabay noon ay pumagitna siya sa amin ni Cain. He's too whipped for Cain! "Just a little, okay? Ihahatid rin kita pauwi."

How could I have not noticed that there's something going on between these two... like, come on! Wherever Cain is, nandoon si Damian. This explains kung bakit bigla-bigla na lang sumusulpot si Damian sa kung saan-saan, and I'm here thinking na medyo close lang talaga sila but it turns out that they're in a relationship! Kaya naman pala ang init ng dugo sa akin ni Damian dahil palagi kong bitbit si Cain. Hindi ko pa nga malalaman kung hindi lang nadulas si Cain nu'ng isang gabi habang nag-iinom kami.

We stayed for an hour bago namin napagpasyahan na umuwi. I sat on the backseat at tulog na tulog naman si Cain sa passenger seat habang nagmamaneho si Damian. I was looking outside the window dahil wala naman akong masasabi kay Damian, at gayundin naman siya sa akin.

"He needs help," narinig kong bulong ni Damian nang tumigil kami sa harap ng bahay ni Deuce. Hindi ko siya pinansin dahil hindi ko alam kung sino ang tinutukoy niya. Does he mean Cain?

"Will Cain be okay?" tanong ko sa kanya bago buksan ang pinto. Tiningnan ko siya at nakatitig lang siya sa bahay ni Deuce. "Nahihilo ka ba? You two can come stay the night kung hindi mo na kayang mag-drive."

"No, I'm fine," he said. "Deuce... he clearly needs help. So please be patient with him."

Nagulat ako dahil sa sinabi niya. I didn't know that he actually cares for Deuce. I really thought that he was just doing what Deuce asks him to do because he's afraid of him, and I didn't know they had that kind of bond.

Nagpasalamat lang ako sa kanya bago bumaba ng sasakyan at dumiretso na agad ako sa bahay.

Pagkapasok ko ng bahay ay bumungad sa akin si Deuce. He smiled immediately when he saw me na hindi ko naman sinuklian. Binitawan niya ang hawak niyang libro at lumapit sa akin. Just like the previous nights, I looked at the clock and saw that it's past midnight pero he's still up because he's waiting for me at home. Hangga't maaari ay iniiwasan ko ring tumigil sa bahay kasama siya, so I'm always pretending to be busy, pretending that I always don't have time to talk. "Did you have fun?"

Tumango na lang ako sa kanya at pumasok sa kwarto, dahil masakit na talaga ang ulo ko at gusto ko nang matulog. I sat on the bed, looking everywhere but his face, and my eyes landed on the medicines on top of the table, which made me wonder why there's so many, pero mabuti naman at may mga gamot para makainom ako kung sakaling masakit pa rin ang ulo ko paggising.  He followed me inside, sat on my bed quietly, and then he held my hand. "Do you want to take a warm bath with me? Just like the old times."

I expected Deuce to act like how he used to be before, pero simula noong bumalik ako dito, he's been treating me so well that I'm starting to wonder whether he's changed or he's just Deuce's clone. He lets me go out with Cain and does not accuse me of anything na noon ay ginagawa niya kahit na wala akong ginagawang masama. Before, I was so afraid of coming home late, but now, he would just ask me if I had fun. I really thought he would keep on threatening me about that video, but he didn't.

I jumped at the bath he prepared for me which slightly soothes my headache, at habang nilalaro-laro ko ang mga bula ay pumasok siya sa loob dala ang tuwalya namin na isinampay niya naman sa gilid. Pagkatapos noon ay tumabi siya sa akin sa loob ng tub at umupo sa likuran ko. He grabbed the soap and then started scrubbing it on my back. Naramdaman kong hinawi nya ang buhok ko and then he kissed the back of my neck so I felt goosebumps all over my body.

Kinuha ko mula sa kanya ang sabon at dumistanya nang bahagya mula sa kanya. "Ako na."

Hindi na siya umangal at ibinigay sa akin ang sabon. Sobrang tahimik lang ng paligid. All I could hear was tiny drops from the faucet at ang tunog ng tubig kapag may gumagalaw sa aming dalawa. And just like how this house feels when I'm with him, I feel empty, but enough to make it feel like it's so heavy, that this feeling is something that's too much for me to carry.

"I don't want anyone else to have you," narinig kong bulong niya, at napatigil naman ako sa paghinga. Naramdaman ko na parang napapaso ako nang maramdaman kong lumapat ang katawan niya sa likod ko, at pagkatapos noon ay naramdaman ko ang pagpulupot ng braso niya sa tiyan ko. "You're the only one I have, Cielo. You know that. You know so damn well that I would not hesitate to ruin myself for you."

"Stop it, Deuce," I said, at lumayo ulit sa kanya. naramdaman ko lang na mas humigpit ang yakap niya at kasabay pa noon ay idinantay niya ang baba niya sa balikat ko.

"You two are meeting just to fuck, right?" he asked. "That Imari guy, you don't love him, right? I bet you kiss him with your eyes closed, wishing you were kissing me instead."

Naiyukom ko ang kamao ko.

At nanikip ang dibdib ko nang maalala ko kung paano siya umiyak noong gabing iyon.

I didn't even have the courage to prove Imari wrong, na hindi siya ang may problema, that he's not too much, he's not hard to love, that I did not date him out of pity.

Hindi ko naman masisisi si Imari kung sumuko na siya. Because who would have the guts to put up with all this? Kahit ako, hindi ko na kinakaya. But I actually really wished that he didn't give up. I actually really wished that he wouldn't let go of me.

Maybe he got fed up with all of this. And it's my fault that I lost him. But... you would be thankful if you knew why I had to let you go.

"That's never the case," nanginginig kong sabi at pinunasan ang luha ko. "He's better than you in so many ways."

I heard Deuce laugh.

At mas lalo akong nadurog. How could he laugh at this time? He's so selfish. I wish I could just turn back time and never met him. I wish I had met Imari earlier. I wish I didn't get caught up with all of this.

"But he can't have you anymore. And you're with me now, that's all that matters," he said, sounding very arrogant. "Because you can't leave me, Cielo. You know I would die for you."