Love is a Riot

14

« When are you going to realize
that I'm your cure? »

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

"Masaya ka na ulit ah. Nabola ka na naman, 'no?"

Siniringan ko kaagad si Cain. "Hindi 'yan ang pag-uusapan natin ngayon, gago ka."

"Parang alam ko na kung ano ah," he said while massaging his chin. "So totropahin mo lang si Imari?"

I looked at Cain at kaagad na kumunot ang noo. "Ikaw 'yon?!"

Tinawanan niya lang ako. So tama ako sa hinala ko na imposible na magtext ng mga ganoon si Imari! "Gago ka talaga! Kaninong number 'yung binigay mo?" sabi ko habang hinahampas siya sa braso.

"It's Imari's!" sabi niya habang umiilag sa akin pero tawa pa rin nang tawa. "Nagkataon lang talaga na nasa akin ang phone niya."

Bumalik ako sa kinauupuan ko at tumigil na dahil nakakakuha na kami ng atensyon. I raised a middle finger in front of Cain's face.

"You dumped Imari?" natatawang tanong niya. "Wow, you're so cold. Crush ka daw niya e. Sabi sa akin. Tapos sabi ko sa kanya, sabihin sa'yo."

Nag-init ang dugo ko sa kanya. He told me before na huwag isasali si Imari sa gulo namin, pero siya pa talaga ang ulupong na nagsabi kay Imari na umamin na sa akin?

"That's not the point! This is all your fault, you doofus. Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa kanya na may boyfriend ako?" sabi ko at binatukan siya. "Did you see how he suddenly made an excuse para hindi sumabay sa atin na kumain? He must be really disappointed with me."

"Oo nga," sabi niya at humigop sa smoothie nya. "So what. Hindi naman niya tinanong kung may jowa ka."

"Fuck you," sabi ko sa kanya. "Kasalanan mo 'to! Why did you push him to tell me that he likes me! I can't take it anymore. Balak kong magsorry sa kanya pero iniiwasan niya talaga ako. You shouldn't tolerate things like that. Alam mong may boyfriend ako tapos ini-push mo pa 'yung kaibigan mo. Tingnan mo kung gaano kami ka-awkward ngayon!"

Tinawanan lang ako ni Cain habang sobrang hindi ako mapakali dahil ilang araw na rin akong hindi pinapansin ni Imari. Bumalik na ako sa bahay ni Deuce noong araw na iyon at kinabukasan, noong sinubukan kong humingi ng tawad sa kanya, he made an excuse to get away from me. Kahit ngayon, when I asked Cain na samahan muna ako dahil hindi pa naman labas si Deuce, he said na may group project sila na kailangan tapusin kaya uuna na muna siya sa amin.

Bakit ko nga naman in-expect na madaling matatanggap ni Imari iyon. He's a human being at may nararamdaman siya. Mas lalo pa akong na-guilty dahil unang beses pa nga lang daw niyang magconfess at virgin pa ang puso ni Imari pero nabahiran ko na agad. Why did I expect that he'd just brush it off like nothing just because he's kind. Maybe I was too harsh on him at nabigla 'yung tao.

"This is so frustrating. Seryoso ba talaga siya? Hindi ko na masyadong pinansin dahil hindi ko naman alam kung totoo talaga," I kept on venting to Cain habang may oras pa ako. "And why would he like me. Konting oras pa lang naman kaming nagkakasama. That's not valid."

Cain frowned, at medyo nagulat ako. Sobrang bihira ni Cain na kumunot ang noo. "Ang bobo mo talaga. You don't even know that some people you met a month ago may have better intentions than someone you met a decade ago."

Tinumbasan ko ang kunot ng noo niya. "So what are you saying? Makipagbreak ako kay Deuce para sa kaibigan mo? I don't hate Imari pero I don't like him in a romantic way either. It's just platonic."

"Ewan ko sa inyo, ang gulo nyo naman tangina nyong lahat," sabi niya at nasapo na ang noo. "Lalo na si Deuce, may saltik ba 'yang jowa mo?"

"Hater ka talaga ni Deuce. Palagi mo siyang bina-backstab," sabi ko sa kanya. "You should learn from Imari and not talk shit behind your friend's back."

"Boto ako kay Imari e. I know my friend," matigas na sabi ni Cain. "And Deuce and I aren't friends, just so you know. Pwede akong maging leader ng haters' club niya."

I sighed. It's true that Deuce is sometimes a little troublesome and callous sometimes, but he's not a bad guy...

"Don't hate him too much," sabi ko kay Cain. More than anyone, I'm the one who knows about Deuce. I just can't bear it when people are talking like this about him. "Try to understand him..."

"I can't understand him because my life is so fucking bright. It's not dim like his."

"Cain..."

He sighed. "Okay. Bahala ka dyan ha. And why are you even asking me about these things. Ni hindi pa nga ako nagkaka-girlfriend," sabi ni Cain. "Magkakaroon ka ba ng award sa kaka-ganyan mo? You always give and he always takes."

Medyo napaisip ako sa sinabi ni Cain. He always takes? But isn't that normal in a relationship? The other one gives, the other one takes, and vice versa.

Wait, ano bang nakukuha ko sa relasyon namin?

"He gives me protection naman," sabi ko sa kanya. "And... he needs me more than I need him."

He frowned. "Don't fool yourself. Iba ang mahal sa kailangan lang," sabi niya at tumayo na. "And don't even think that getting rid of people around you means giving you 'protection'. It's clearly manipulation. Use your fucking mind."

Pagkasabi nya noon, hindi na ako nakapagsalita. Pinanood ko na lang si Cain habang unti-unti siyang papalayo sa akin.

But... Deuce really needs me. I understand that he has needs, na ako lang ang kayang pumunan, but he doesn't keep me just because of that, right? Mali naman si Cain, 'di ba? I know Deuce better than he does...

"Uh," narinig ko mula sa likuran ko. "Si Cain?"

Paglingon ko ay nakita ko si Imari na parang hindi mapakali at mahigpit ang hawak sa sariling kamay.

"Kakaalis lang niya..." sabi ko. "Imari–"

"Okay. Salamat," sabi niya at nagbabadyang umalis na, pero nahawakan ko ang braso niya.

"Imari, can we talk for a second?"

He looked hesitant for a moment. Inilibot ko ang tingin sa paligid at tiningnan kung wala pa si Deuce. I grabbed Imari's hand para wala na siyang kawala at dinala siya sa likod ng building.

"Okay, let's cut to the chase," sabi ko. "I'm deeply sorry, Imari. I know I was too harsh on you. Pero sorry talaga. I know I'm not in the place to tell you this, pero I was so happy that you treated me as a friend. Thank you so much."

"Ate..."

I looked at him and saw how gentle his eyes were. No one looked at me with such kind eyes... Mas lalo akong nalungkot. Maybe I'm not really allowed to have friends. He was really nice to me... I really think of him as a sweet little brother. Sayang naman. 

"Please take care of Chou for me, okay?" sabi ko sa kanya. "I'm so sorry. Pasensya na talaga kung naging confusing 'yung actions ko ha. I really didn't mean to give you false chances. I really wanted to be your friend."

"Pero Ate, we can still see each other, right?" he asked with pure innocence in his eyes. "Are you avoiding me kaya hindi ka na umuwi sa bahay mo?"

Umiling kaagad ako. So he thought that I was avoiding him? "Hindi... I live with... Deuce. Originally."

"W-Will you be alright?" nauutal niyang tanong sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay ko, at mas lalo akong na-guilty. He's the one who's hurt, pero ako ang tinatanong niya kung okay lang ba ako. He's shaking and his hands are cold too... "Isn't he the reason why you're always sad?"

I immediately looked down when he said that. I'm always lonely... because of Deuce?

Maybe.

"No. I'm fine," sabi ko sa kanya at binalak na bawiin ang kamay ko, pero masyadong mahigpit ang kapit niya. He seems really worried... "Don't worry. Salamat ulit ha."

I flinched when I heard a thud from a distance. Bago pa man ako makalingon, tumalsik na ang katawan ni Imari kasabay ng pagtilapon ng hawak niyang libro.