Love is a Riot

24

« We play games of love
to avoid the depression »

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"I'm here already," narinig kong sabi ni Julien sa kabilang linya. "Let me in."

"Alright," sabi ko at kaagad na nagtungo sa pinto at pinagbuksan siya. Tipid na ngiti ang ibinungad niya sa akin at inilagay sa bulsa ang phone niya. Tumango lang ako sa kanya habang papasok siya sa loob ng bahay na ipinahiram sa akin ni Cain. 

  "Let's make it quick," sabi niya sa akin, at tumango lang ako sa kanya.

I observed his expression at wala akong nakitang kahit ano. Ni awkwardness, wala akong nararamdaman. If Damian is pro-Deuce and Cain is against him, I think Julien is standing in between, o kaya naman wala lang talaga siyang pakialam sa mga isyu namin sa buhay. Maybe he's really just here for sex.

He also doesn't seem to consider Deuce as his friend. Malamang ay tumanggi na siya sa imbitasyon ko kung iginagalang niya si Deuce.

But what has Deuce got to do with me? And why do I keep on thinking about him? We're over already...

Sobrang daming gumugulo sa isip ko ngayon, and this is the only way to forget all of them.

Because this is where I am good at. Escaping. Running away. Playing on the safe side.

I started undressing and I saw Julien unzipping his jeans without hesitation. I sat on the couch at hinintay lang siya doon. He put on a condom and started walking towards me after. Nang makarating siya sa harapan ko, ni hindi siya tumingin sa akin and just focused on lifting both of my legs.

That's strange.

Ni... wala akong maramdaman.

Kahit hiya sa sarili o awa man lang. Maybe I started to not care anymore.

Lalo pa't kagabi lang, even though I told myself mentally habang kausap sina Cain at Imari na I'm slowly realizing my worth, sobrang hirap pala talaga.

Maybe being a tool to satisfy everyone's sexual desires is my worth after all.

I closed my eyes as I felt Julien's fingers rubbing my folds in a circular motion. A minute later, I immediately opened my eyes when his fingers left my pearl. I looked at him and the moment he glanced at me, I saw nothing but Imari's eyes staring back at me.

I tried to brush the thoughts away. Why the hell am I thinking about him? Kapag naaalala ko kung paano niya ako itinaboy kanina, my blood starts to boil. Kung ayaw niya sa akin e 'di h'wag! Du'n na siya kay Miss Paige na 'yon! Parang dati lang ako ang iniaangkas niya tapos ngayon... E 'di magsama sila. Good for them.

"I'm going to put it in now," he said, the head of his shaft is placed at the entry of my passage.

I was about to answer when I heard a knock on my main door, kaya naman pati si Julien ay natigilan at napalingon. Napatingin kami sa isa't-isa nang marinig ang paulit-ulit na pagkatok sa pinto pero hindi kami gumalaw pareho.

Who would that be? Si Cain? No, he won't show up without telling me kahit na sa kanya naman ang bahay na ito.

Oh no, don't tell me...

Deuce has already found out that I've been staying here?

Nagmamadali kong itinulak si Julien at kinuha ang saplot kong nasa sahig habang patuloy ang pagkatok sa pinto ng kung sino mang nasa labas. I can feel my heart about to jump out of my chest whilst my brain might burst dahil sa kakaisip. I started to overthink hanggang sa worst case scenarios.

I saw Julien confused pero ginaya lang ako na ngayon ay nagsusuot ng damit. I didn't make a sound habang naglalakad palapit sa katabing bintana ng pinto to check whoever's knocking on the door but to my surprise, the door suddenly shot open.

Laking gulat ko nang bumungad sa akin si Imari, and all I felt is how familiar this scene is.   

Mukhang nagulat rin siya lalo na nang makita sa likod ko si Julien na kakasuot pa lang ng shirt niya.

"Oh, seems like I worried for nothing," mahinang bulong niya na narinig ko rin naman. "Sorry if I interrupted you two."

Nakita kong umiling si Julien, "No, I was about to head out too," sabi niya kay Imari at lumingon sa akin, kaya naman nagulat ako. Aalis na siya? E wala pa nga kaming ginagawa! "I'll get going, Cielo."

Nauutal akong sumagot habang tumatango, at hindi na rin siya napigilan, "Uh... okay, thanks..." at pinanood lamang siyang lampasan si Imari na nasa tapat ng pinto.

Imari looked at me again at walang imik na lumabas. I immediately lifted my feet off the ground at pumunta sa direksyon niya. "Wait, what brought you here? Do you need anything?"

Hindi niya ako pinansin st nagdire-diretso sa labas. I stomped my feet dahil sa inis, sumunod sa kanya at kaagad siyang hinila sa braso. "Kausapin mo nga ako nang maayos! Here and now!"

"Why?" tanong niya sa akin at tumingin sa ibang direksyon, making it obvious that he's avoiding my eyes. "Do you have something to say?"

"Bakit ka nga pumunta?" tanong ko sa kanya, forcing him to look at me.

"I was worried about you for a minute. Turns out you're having a good time," sabi niya sa akin, with his arms getting away from my grip. "Alis na 'ko."

Kaagad akong nagtaas ng kilay. He was worried about me? Bakit?  After telling his sister and the others kanina na hindi niya ako kilala, he's going to act like this?

Ah, baka naman ayaw niyang malaman ng teacher na 'yon na kakilala niya ako? May relasyon ba sila?

I immediately shook my head at kumapit ulit sa braso niya.

"What now?" he said, at kaagad na lumingon sa akin. Nang magtama ang mata namin, I saw how irritated he looked.

"How long are you going to act like we don't know each other?"

He exhaled a harsh breath and laughed sarcastically. "Didn't you ask me not to talk to you again? Or even look your way and to stay away from you?"

I suddenly remembered what I told him before, and it shocked me how he remembers it well...

So I know know that we have to be careful with what we say to people. We can't break them and expect them to just shrug it off in a blink of an eye. It haunts them... like the ghost of the past.

"But I told you we can be friends again last time," he said, and I remembered that time in their dorm where he told me we can be friends again if I gave him a head.

He locked eyes with me and spoke again. "So let's not make each other upset. Can't we just kiss and make up?"

That shocked me, and the weight of his stare isn't helping at all.

"What... did you say?" tanong ko, at nagba-baka-sakaling babawiin niya ang sinabi.

But no, as I loosened my grip on his arms, siya naman itong mahigpit akong hinawakan sa braso.

"We can be friends, if you want," he said with his face inches away from mine. I can smell his perfume, kaya naman napalunok ako. "With benefits. Aren't you good at that?"