Love is a Riot

16

« High off of love,
drunk from my hate. »

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Hindi ko na maalala kung ilang can na ba ang nainom ko. Ang alam ko lang, nagsisimula nang uminit ang paligid ko at nakakaramdam na rin ako ng hilo. My vision is also getting really blurry at para bang babaliktad na ang sikmura ko.

And suddenly, a familiar face popped up on my mind.

Those kind, gentle eyes.

His warm hands.

It's just so sad.

Paano?

Paano kung iyon rin nga ang intensyon ni Imari sa akin?

Paano kung tama si Deuce?

I checked the time on my phone even though the numbers are jumbling. Is it 10:32? or 01:23? I don't know... Deuce still isn't home...

Why is he allowed to not go home early, pero ako, hindi pwede?

I kept on staring at my phone hanggang sa nag-ring ito. I saw a five letters. Not Deuce's name, but Imari's.

Nagdalawang-isip pa ako kung sasagutin ko iyon, pero sa huli, nagpatalo na rin ako.

"Imari?"

Hindi siya nagsalita. Tanging naririnig ko lang mula sa kabilang linya ay ugong na hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa aircon o sa kung saan man.

But it made me wonder why Imari reached out to me first, kahit na ako ang may kasalanan sa kanya. Bigla tuloy akong nilamon ng hiya.

"I'm sorry," narinig kong sabi niya sa kabilang linya. "Are you hurt? Ayos lang po ba kayo? I kept on thinking about you. I can't help but call you to make sure you're fine."

Fuck it.

Fuck him.

He's the one who's hurt, pero ako ang inaalala niya. I'm really going to misunderstand your actions, Imari.

It makes me feel like... I'd still be saved.

"Imari?"

Mukhang nagulat siya dahil sa biglang pagtawag ko sa pangalan niya. "Let's meet. Now."

"N-Now?"

Kaagad kong ibinaba ang tawag at nagbihis. I know I'm not in my right mind, pero I just have to make sure of it. Kapag nasigurado ko iyon, maybe I'll be able to let go.

I texted him that I'm on my way to his house, at kaagad siyang tumawag sa akin. I didn't pick it up at nagdire-diretso sa paglalakad.

I know I'm being very rash, but I can't help it. I can't help but worry about Imari's opinion of me.

He liked me even though I'm a disappointment, and if he happens to be disappointed in me, pakiramdam ko ay madi-disappoint na rin ako sa sarili ko.

Am I making sense? I can't even understand myself...

When I reached his house, naghihintay siya sa labas, wearing his pajamas at hawak ang phone sa isang kamay. He looked at me and I immediately saw how worried he is. He immediately ran to my side and held me, pero parang bigla siyang napaso at lumayo sa akin na para bang mayroon akong sakit na nakakahawa.