Love is a Riot

19

« Every tear is a
rain parade from hell. »

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"Just call me if you need anything."

Tumango ako kay Cain. "Salamat..."

Napayuko ako habang hawak ang pinto. "Saan ka tutuloy habang nandito ako?"

"Don't worry about it," sabi niya. "And I also won't tell him where you are."

"Are you really going to be fine, Cain?" nahihiya kong tanong sa kanya at napatingin sa pisngi niya na may malaking pasa dahil sa suntok ni Deuce kanina. I don't want anyone to get hurt... all because of me...

"I told you not to worry. Magpahinga ka na muna," sabi ulit ni Cain. "And sorry for butting in earlier. I just can't turn a blind eye anymore. Do you like him that much to put up with all of that? Because seriously, nakakapagod na makita kang ganyan. Anyway, goodbye."

Tumango lang ako at nagpasalamat na sa kanya habang palabas siya sa sariling apartment na ipinahiram muna niya sa akin dahil kung doon ako sa bahay ko pupunta, malamang ay pupuntahan rin ako doon ni Deuce.

Sooner or later, malalaman niya rin kung nasaan ako. Not to mention na babalik na kami sa school in a few days...

I just... need some time away from him.

Nakakapagod na... hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pa ba.

"I won't do it again. I promise. Just please... don't leave me..." sabi niya habang mahigpit ang hawak sa kamay ko. "Cielo... my baby, please..."

I can still remember how I looked away from his eyes because I don't want to be fooled again.

Ni hindi niya nga gustong sabihin sa akin kung sino iyong babae. Kahit ano namang sabihin niya, maniniwala ako. Basta galingan niya lang na magsinungaling...

Pero hindi ko lang talaga matanggap na ganito siya palagi. He's always so... far away. Always getting away from my grasp. Hindi ko siya mahagilap. I can't figure out what's going on with his mind.

Is it not enough that I live with him even though I die each passing day?

Ayoko rin naman na pagdudahan siya. I know he won't cheat on me... That's why I want him to explain, pero kahit iyon, ipinagkakait niya sa akin?

I hate myself for doubting him, but he does things that makes me doubt him.

Always saying na hindi niya na gagawin. Na hindi niya na uulitin. But when did he ever listened to me? Kelan? When I told him to stop, did he really stop? When I told him to be gentle? Did he even take his time to listen to me? When I told him not to hurt anyone, not to hurt people, he still goes around hurting everyone around me.

Nasaktan pa si Cain dahil sa akin.

I don't know what to do...

Kahit ganito ang mga pangyayari, I still believe in him. I still want to see the good in him...

Kahit parang nangangapa na lang ako sa dilim.

What will I do without Deuce by my side? Kaya ko ba talaga ito? Hindi ko ba ito pagsisisihan?

These are some things that are clouding my mind.

Ayokong magdesisyon...

A week passed at bumalik na ako sa school. During that interval bago bumalik sa school, Deuce kept on calling me and asking where I am. Even his cousin called me at hindi ko naman siya sinagot.