In the Life of a Rose

April 24, 2020

In the Life of a Rose...

The days had gotten repetitive and I became sick of staying inside. In quarantine. Only going out in the backyard to get fresh air and sunlight was sickening. Even though I couldn't stand staying inside, I wouldn't dare go outside. The only thing I could do so I wouldn't lose my mind was to pull my mind out of my body.

Dissociation: the disconnection and lack of continuity between thoughts, memories, surroundings, actions, and identity.

I woke to my room closed in the black-out curtains so I didn't know what time of day it was. I looked at my phone to see that it was four in the afternoon and I sighed, knowing that I had stayed up all night watching The Vampire Diaries. I felt nocturnal doing this and I had rarely seen Chris since we were in different time zones.

My body felt weak as I got up and the only thing I could do was pray and thank God that I was alive and to ask him for the strength to live this day and the next.

I stretched and got into the bathroom to take a cold shower to wake myself up. I skipped my routine and just put on some of the short sweats and sweaters I had gotten from Shein. The glued-down wig was brushed out and I tied it back in a clip.

I went through the bathroom door and out to the hallway. I looked around the house to find Chris at the dining table, his dirty plate from lunch sitting in front of him as he looked at his laptop.

"Hi," my voice was soft and groggy and I had to clear it.

"Hey," he replied. He lifted his hands from the keyboard and fisted it under his chin. "How've you been? I feel like I haven't seen you for a while."

"Mmm, fine," I partially lied. "I'm just tired."

"You just woke up," he said.

"I know," I nodded, setting my head down.

"Defending Jacob came out today," he said, changing the subject. "You gonna watch it?"

"I promised."

"I'll watch it with you."

"Mmm... no," I replied. "I'm good."

He raised an eyebrow as I slid out of my seat. I stumbled into the kitchen and he followed. Opening the fridge, I stared at the cold, blue lights that breathed back at me. I had forgotten what I was there for and closed it. I could feel him staring at me but I ignored him and moved towards the living room; he followed.

"I feel like I'm in a film where the camera is just following me and my boring life."

"There's something wrong with you," he blatantly said. "You pull all-nighters and wake up in the middle of the day, you hardly eat, and when a package comes in, you take it and go into your room. I hardly see you anymore."

The doorbell rang and he scoffed. I turned to go for it but he was a few steps in front of me. He grabbed the package and cleaned it as we normally did for germs and tore it open.

"That's illegal, ya know," I stated, crossing my arms. He held the soft fabric of the beige bikini in his hands. "Can I have it?" He looked at it then at me and tossed the pieces of clothing at me. "What's your problem? Are you mad that I have a different schedule as we're stuck in this contraption?"

"Yeah, a little," he replied. "I thought I'd give you your space but I think I need to force myself back into your life."

"You're not my boyfriend so stop acting like it," I stated. "Hell, we're not even friends, we're just roommates."

"And you're a roommate that doesn't pay the bills."

"Oh, bullshit!" I raised my voice. "You've never said anything. If you wanna split the costs then sure, I'd be happy to but if you wanna say that I don't, then that's on you!" I pivoted, heading towards my room, and said, "Thanks for the shopping spree, next time I'll know to never use your money again."

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I heard a knock on the door and heard Chris quietly call, "Thea," like an owl. Since our argument, I hadn't come out of my room and I was surviving off of the snacks he had gotten on his last trip. "Thea, can we talk?" He waited for me to respond but I didn't. "I'll be in the hot tub if you wanna come?"

I heard his footsteps recede and he went past the bathroom, opened the slide windows, and stepped outside. The water splashed as he got into the tub and after that, it was quiet.

I clenched my jaw and got out of bed. His request was tempting especially since the location was different and I would get the chance to wear my new bathing suit. I took off my clothes and slipped on my suit. I tied my hair up and clipped it tightly. Grabbing my phone, I went out of the bathroom and stood in front of the doorway.

When I stepped out, the wind blew and it made me shiver so I had to hurry into the water. My foot hit the steps and Chris turned around, a content expression forming across his face, as I got in. I hummed when my body submerged in the warm water and I relaxed.

"Thank you for coming," he began. He cleared his throat and continued, "We both know that it wasn't about money. I don't mind paying."

"It was about me being distant," I stated and he nodded. "I can't help but not want to be here. With the things going on in the world, people dying... I don't like it."

"I understand-"

"Then why are you trying to force your help?" I asked. "I don't want it. Not right now."

"Okay," he exhaled. "Then what do you want?"

"My normal life back."

"Ya know that's kinda impossible?"

"Yeah," I whispered. I turned and rested my head on my arms that were placed on the ledge next to my phone. I stared at him and he looked back at me.

"You know I wasn't trying to be your boyfriend," he told me. "I was being a friend."

"I know," I said, pursing my lips. "I'm sorry for the other things I said."

"Me too. If you want to pitch in..."

"I'll start next month because you deserve to pay this month," I said and he lightly chuckled, agreeing. His laugh finally died down and it became quiet between us.

"Thea..." he spoke and my eyes fluttered at him. I gazed at his tattoos for a moment before fixing onto his eyes, waiting for him to speak. "Never mind."

My eyelids closed and I leaned back against the wall. "Did Jacob do it?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Did Jacob kill Ben?"

"Oh my," he sighed, stroking his beard. I stared at him intensely, my eyebrows raised. "I can't tell you."

"Well fuck you!" I exclaimed, splashing water at him. He sprayed some back and I screamed, causing Dodger to run out and start barking. "I'm just gonna call the director to send me all of the episodes."

"Objection!"

"Okay, Mr. Barber," I said, rolling my eyes. I reached for my phone to call Lilith to send the request but Chris grabbed it first. I gasped and tried to retrieve it as he held up his arm. I was only 5'9 and couldn't reach his extended arm that was taller than his actual height in the air; plus, we were in the water.

I tugged on his right shoulder, trying to pull him down and wrap my arm around his neck, climbing up using the ledge. Dodger was barking at us as I was trying to get my phone.

"I don't have anything backed up!" I shouted. "Chris!"

He was full-on red after laughing so much and he brought his arm back down to hand me my phone. I dried it with a towel and called in to get the rest of the episodes before anyone else could. When I hung up, I glared at the man who was trying not to laugh again, and splashed a wave of water at him.

"I'm sorry," he said half-heartedly with a smirk.

"No, you're not," I replied. I floated my hands in the water, humming some melody I had heard a long time ago. "Is it okay if I live here for a while? It'll make us actual roommates. I know it's kinda weird especially since I'm here by chance. Home's getting boring since I live there by myself and all. Even though I'm starting to get sick of this place, I have to stay so I might as well fully move in. Ya know? If you-"

"Thea," he interjected and I looked up at him, his blue eyes flickering, "I didn't say no."