The Wrong Brother

Chapter 15 - She's not Alex (Part II)

Bennett's POV

Exactly, I'm in love with Alex....

I don't understand, none of this makes sense to me. I don't get how love works and I especially don't get why I love Alex.

She can't keep her mouth shut, she speaks before she thinks, she is clumsy and distracted as hell but the way she plays with her hair when she's nervous, how she fidgets with her fingers or bites her nails when she's anxious, how she smiles at the most stupid things or even how excited she gets to eat my mom's lasagna is what I like about her.

No, all of that, good and bad, is what I love about her.

And loving her pisses me off.

I consider myself a science guy, so I did my research, you know. I get love from the neurological perspective. The blood pressure rises and with it, the heartbeat increases. The release of dopamine is responsible for the intense and anesthetizing happiness feeling that causes a change in the level of some hormones, like serotonin that decreases in a calming effect. That's why we feel at peace when we are with the person we love.

That's it. Pure hormones. There's nothing else, apart from a physiological reaction that explains to me why I would love Alex, or why I would love anyone for that matter.

I don't even remember when or how it happened, but suddenly I was looking at her thinking how could she just stand there and look so effortlessly beautiful.

At that moment I realized I was screwed. We were close, we grew up together for fuck's sake, we were really good friends, and that complicated my situation even more. That's why I was actually relieved when we drifted apart from our friendship, for reasons that I don't even know.

Maybe staying away from her would help, because being her friend sucked.

Not being her friend also sucked. See the problem here?

How could I tell her that she shouldn't have stopped playing piano because an asshole like my brother made a joke? What excuse could I have to tell her that she's so amazingly talented and shouldn't feel insecure about it, especially when said asshole doesn't even remember joking about it?

How can I tell her that I think about her every night, wondering if she took her medicine, wishing she would count on me if she ever has a migraine episode? I've had to control myself countless times not to call her at night just because I wanted to talk to her.

How can I tell her that I fix things for her, even if she didn't ask me to? That's what I've been doing for too long, like last year when I convinced that idiot of Mr. Perkins to give her another chance on a test she did so badly, but she thinks he had a stroke and changed his mind.

I think she notices it sometimes. I know she's embarrassed when I stare at her, but it's not because I think she's broken, like she believes.

It's just because she's gorgeous.

I try to be there for her whenever I can, like when I offered to tutor her. I hate tutoring people and I don't loosely spend time with anyone, but with her is another story.

It's funny how I always thought she was so wrong for being Dylan's puppy when in fact, I do the same. She loves a guy that never noticed her and I'm in the same situation. She's completely oblivious of my feelings, just like Dylan has always been about hers.

I can only blame myself for this though. I offered to tutor her as a way of not only helping, but also to spend some time with her and look where it got me. It's painful to be around Alex all the time now, because I can't help but want to actually be with her.