The Wrong Brother

Chapter 37 - Lilly was right

Alex's POV

I'm sitting on the Wests' couch, resting my hands on my thighs, while playing nervously with my fingers.

Dylan is pacing from one side to the other talking about a bunch of things that I'm not actually interested in hearing.

He's apologizing for what happened at the party and all I want is to tell him to leave me alone.

"I don't know what came to me. I was just drunk. I truly am sorry, Alex. I love you, you know that, right?" I take a deep breath.

"I just... I don't understand why you do this. I went after you, I wanted to talk to you and you just left me there." I say, a bitter taste in my mouth.

"I know and I'm sorry. It will never happen again." I nod. I know it won't, because I won't let that happen.

I take an even deeper breath, preparing myself for the conversation we're about to have.

"We really need to talk, Dylan. There's something you should--"

"You are the love of my life." He cuts me off, saying what I wanted to hear since I was ten, which makes me even more confused.

My eyes dart to him, trying to find any hints that he's lying. Any sign that it's not true and this is just a desperate measure to avoid having a serious conversation, but I don't see any.

Could this be true?

"I am?" I ask, half unsure, half confused.

"You are. I never thought I could feel this way for someone, it's crazy how much you mean to me and if I could go back in time, I'd date you way sooner. I'd notice you years ago and it would have been only you."

I look at him and I feel myself giving in to his words and for the first time, I hate this feeling.

I don't want to believe him, I want to get mad at him, I want to tell him that what happened is not ok, that he can't treat me like that, but then he tells me I'm the love of his life.

What am I supposed to do? This is what I've always wanted, I can't simply ignore what he said.

"Can we be cool, please? I missed you this week." I don't say anything as I look at him, because the truth is, I didn't miss him.

For the very first time, I really didn't miss him. At all.

The party was last week and I've been giving him the cold shoulder all week. He's been calling, texting, even coming to my house a few times, but I made excuses to my parents lie to him that I wasn't home.

They didn't ask much about what's happening, to be honest. I guess they are giving me space, because well, I'm pissed and they know me enough to leave me alone. I guess they know they are not supposed to piss off a teenager when they are already angry.

Dylan bends down in front of me on the couch and places himself between my legs.

"What are you doing?" I ask him, my voice breaking a little.

"Please, forgive me." I sigh. "I don't care about what you have to tell me, just forgive me."

I look at the boy in front of me and I don't recognize him. Or myself. I would literally die to hear him say this just a few weeks ago, but now I don't know.

Well, I guess I do know, actually.

That's not what I want.

Not anymore. This realization hits me like a lightning bolt.

"No." I say, completely certain for the first time in my life.

"No? What do you mean, no?"

"I can't forgive you." He stands up and looks at me like I've lost my mind. Maybe I have, but I have to do this. "It's not just about the party, Dylan. It's everything. I need time to understand how I feel and thi--"