The Wrong Brother

Chapter 23 - Of course I'm angry

Things have been confusing. Really confusing.

It's been almost two weeks since New Year, which means that it's been two weeks since that day that I went to Bennett and we spent the night together in what I can only name as one of the many bad decisions I have made.

We haven't talked after that, I have barely seen him to be honest and I'm pretty sure he's avoiding me.

It bothers me, but I can't blame him for that.

It's not his fault that I'm the queen of bad decisions. Like, really royal level.

I shouldn't have done that and I feel so bad. Well, for two main reasons. One is because I don't think I ever had such a good night of sleep. Bennett and I fit perfectly together. When I was lying on his chest, it's like it was made for me. It was soft, it was comfortable and I felt so good that I feel bad for liking it so much.

Especially because Dylan's arms don't feel as comfortable as Bennett's. The times I laid down on Dylan's chest for more than ten minutes, all I got was a sharp pain on my neck.

So I feel really guilty about it.

The other reason is because the day after, Dylan and I talked and he said how sorry he was that he didn't give me much attention at the party.

"I'm so sorry, Alex. I'm a shitty boyfriend." He said and I shook my head. "Yes, I am. I shouldn't have left you alone at the party. I got carried away because I was with my friends, it's my first year in college and I... I was so stupid. I'm sorry."

My face softened when I looked at him and he was fitting the floor, a sad expression on his face. Come on, how could I be mad at that face?

"I understand, I guess. I wish we could have spent more time together though. It was New year's eve after all." I pouted, feeling a bit frustrated.

I didn't want to fight with him. It took me so long - seven years long - to be in a relationship with him, that I didn't want to mess it up for such a stupid reason.

"I know." He paused and he took a deep breath before continuing. "College has been hard for me. I'm not doing great and it's hard to make friends, that's why I was excited to hang out with them. I feel lonely sometimes."

I confess I almost didn't believe him. I thought it was very unlikely that he was struggling to have friends. I've spent a lot of time with his college friends to know he gets along with way too many people, but then he looked at me like the cat from Shrek with those sad eyes and he got me there.

Also, I know he didn't mean to not give me attention. I don't have many friends myself, so I understand where he's coming from and he was always used to the opposite. It must be really hard for him not being the center of attention anymore.

I felt bad for him, so all I could do was forgive him. Maybe I thought he had many friends, but it's harder than it looks.

"You don't have to feel lonely. From what I've seen, you have great friends and they like you a lot." I leaned forward and gave him a quick peck on his lips and he smirked.

I couldn't help but think that Dylan opening up to me and confiding that he's struggling feels like a step in the right direction in our relationship, right?

Even if he has more friends than I would consider normal for a lonely guy, I have to believe him.

"I'll be a better boyfriend from now on. I promise."

After our conversation, he tried to be more present for me, like he said he would.

This only made me feel worse for what I did. He asked me how I got home and I told him about the night train, but then I lied. I said I went straight home. Telling him that I went to see his brother would make us no good, so I left that out of the equation.