The Wrong Brother

Chapter 20 - It's not like she's Voldemort

Bennett's POV

"Are you ok?" I look at the concerned girl, who is looking back at me with her bright blue eyes. "You seem distracted."

"I'm fine." I say with a smile, not sure what to tell her. I can't exactly say that I'm thinking about Alex.

I could say that, because Kate is cool enough and knows I have feelings for my childhood friend, but it's not something nice to tell the person we're going out with... sort of going out with.

Although Kate knows about Alex, I never told her I'm actually in love with her. I think she knows, but she never heard the words coming out of my mouth.

There are only three people who know about it and it's already a lot from where I stand.

Lilly, obviously, because she's nosy. Don, who I became really good friends with at camp, like best friend category and Martin, my friend from school. They don't know each other, but they remind me of one another so much. Both of them managed to get it out from me, it's not like I would proactively tell them how I feel about Alex.

Apart from them, no one else knows. Oh, I mean, there's also Anna, Martin's girlfriend, who I consider my friend as well. Not to the extent of telling about my feelings for Alex, but Martin couldn't keep his mouth shut, so that makes four people who know.

Shit, it really is a lot of people. I will not talk about this with anyone else, even if my life depends on it, my mouth will be shut from now on.

I realize she's still looking at me, so I have to say something.

"I'm thinking about that lecture at NYU, that's it." She gives me her sweet smile and I feel bad for lying. 

I smile back, decided to fully focus my attention on her. Kate's smile is definitely one of the things I like the most about her. It's very attractive.

Not as attractive as Alex's though.

Stop, Bennett. Just fucking stop thinking about her.

"I wish I was there with you." She takes my hand in hers and I squeeze it.

"Me too."

I mean it. It would have been nice having someone who enjoys astronomy as much as I do there with me and I know Kate is that person. We would have had such a good time, like we always do when we are together.

"It reminds me of the stargazing nights at camp, remember? It was so cool. We even had a midnight pic-nic once." I laugh at he comment, with a bittersweet feeling.

"I had to sneak out the food from the central kitchen without anyone knowing. It was fun."

She giggles and I know this is what I need. Someone who cares about me and wants me for who I am. Not someone who barely knows what I even like and obsesses over my brother.

I need Kate.

I lean forward to give her a soft kiss. I can feel her smile under my mouth and it almost makes me smile too.

If it weren't for the fact that stargazing only makes me think of that night Alex showed up at my house and we watched the stars together, I would smile too.

That night was.... fuck, it was amazing. It felt like a date, even if I know it wasn't. Not to mention the talk, deep, important stuff, like college and life. Not just the ridiculous topics I'm sure she talks about with Dylan.

Alex was interested in what I had to say and being so close to her was intoxicating. When she asked me to explain the stars to her and I stood behind her, with her hands in mine, was one of the best feelings. I had to control myself not to hug her from behind and bury my head on her neck as I showed her the constellations.