Gone

Chapter 9 [Juliana] Falling for Him

    Wow. Wow, wow.

    I can't believe this is happening to me. I like Blaze. I like him. I like him a lot. He's a good person, I can tell. I just know he is. I really want to get to know him more. I want to get to know him as much as I possibly can. I can't believe I met someone today and already feel completely connected to them. I think he feels the same way. I think this because of the way he looks at me. He looks into my eyes almost as if he sees right through me, right through my fake bad girl act.

    I'm not a bad girl. I'm honestly not. Honest. I get good grades and I'm sweet to my parents, and I'm innocent. I don't ever do bad things. I never stole from anyone. I never got high. I never ditched an entire school day, and I never ran away. Until now, on this very day. I'm now walking beside Blaze silently, not believing that I really even had the guts to just run away and jump out my bedroom window like that. I can't believe myself. I seriously am becoming a different person, and I like it. I like every part of it. I'm finally finding out who I want to be and what exactly I want to do with my life.

   Well, for one, I want to be with Blaze... I want to eventually get him to kiss me, and I'm almost positive he was about to back in my room but I got too nervous so I pulled away. And I want to be his girlfriend. I want him to fall in love with me, and I want to fall in love with him too. I want to be happy, you know? I want to have butterflies in the pit of my stomach and I want to smile again.

    Drugs is the substitute for my being upset and hurt emotionally. Drugs. I already took a pill this morning, and then a few hours after ditching school with a bunch of teenagers I've never even met before, I went back to their house and sniffed cocaine. I can't believe I actually had the guts to do something like that... I never in my whole life have ever and thought about doing drugs like this!

   But, like I said, now I am changing. I'm changing my ways. I'm changing my life. I'm not going to become anything, right? Your opinion doesn't matter to me anyway, nobody's concerns about me do. I bet my parents will barge into my room and laugh when they see me gone. I bet my dad will start coming home more and he'll be happy for once.

     But who cares? I'm having fun. I smoked weed for the first time and got high. I love being gone, out of it, it's the best feeling in the world. I don't even think about my family or anyone who matters to me when I'm feeling like this. I'm just happy; simple as that. So what I'm trying to say right now, is that I'm done. Just done. I'm done with being the good girl, who stands off in the corner and gets tripped by popular girls in the lunch room. I'm sick of being weak. Now, I have power.

   I'm Mickey's best friend, and you can tell that she's what everyone wants. I know it. I haven't even gone to school with her yet but I already know for sure that everyone will get out of her way, and throw themselves on the ground to form her own special carpet. That's how it's going to be tomorrow, when we walk into that building, if we even go... It doesn't matter though. If I don't, then I don't. If I do, I do. I don't care anymore.

    With all of these thoughts in my head I completely forget where I am or who I'm even with, until I glance innocently to the side and see Blaze walking next to me. Oh gosh, I wasn't dreaming! He's staring out in front of him, and the band-aid is now suddenly gone. Of course. He's a boy, why would he wear one anyway? It stopped bleeding, at least.

     He catches me staring at him and he grins. We don't say anything though. We just look ahead of us and keep on walking. It's maybe fifteen minutes of silence, walking through streets and side roads before we end up getting back to Xavier's house.

    We walk up the steps and make our way in the front door and his parents thankfully aren't home, because their car isn't in the driveway where it usually is when they're here. It's very dark inside and the only thing I can see is, well, absolutely nothing. The entire room is pitch black, and sort of cold.