Gone

Chapter 48 [Mickey] Clueless With Everything *

I honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm getting to the point where all I want to do is get the hell out of New York, because I can't stand any of the people here. I know I'm loved, kind of, but I still feel so lonely and I haven't the slightest clue why. I know I have Spencer and Blaze is still my friend, but now that Tessa's gone it's not like I have anyone stable to depend on. Juliana is obviously a mess right now at this time in her life, and I can't even look at her anymore.

Yes, I have guilt. I have guilt because I respect the fact that she was innocent and adorable when she first got here. The poor girl didn't even know how to smoke a cigarette. And I accepted her immediately into our group because I thought she looked like a decent person. Not a backstabber. Not one of those lying, decieving, normal girls.

But guess what, Mickey? Guess what? Hm, guess what... I was wrong. Clearly. She's the one popping the pain killers now. And me? I only take one when I'm absolutely desperate, but with Juliana now it's way different. We can be smoking blunts and taking E but she will still be taking the painpill along with it. She says they're her backup, but I am far from stupid.

I don't understand why she would do something like this to Blaze. As I'm walking down the empty hall heading toward the front of the building I can't help but have tears fill up in my eyes, because this kid is completely changed now! And it's all because he met her. I introduced them and now this is exactly what I get. He's going to be so hurt if I decide to tell him what I just caught her doing.

What the hell will I do? Should I just tell him what I saw? Or should I leave it alone . . . This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do before. Mostly because Blaze, he grew up from middle school all the way into high school as a player. Not even... More like THE player. He would get with girls at parties, and I mean random girls I never even met before, and then he'd ditch them. Just like that.

And now? He would rather spend his entire day with Jules. She told me he cheated on her, but everything inside of me is telling me that he definitely wouldnt do that to her. Never, actually. The way he looks at her breaks my heart. It really, truely, does.

I quickly rush out the doors, making my way down the front steps, and eventually getting to the grass. I wipe the wetness from under my eyes with the back of my hand and carefully breathe in and out. I know that in all honesty, now I'm stuck. I'm stuck between tearing Blaze apart, and even ruining Juliana's life. And even though she's horrible lately, I obviously still care about her. I understand how scared and affacted she must be from her dad, but she needs to stop taking the pills. As soon as possible... Before it's too late, and she needs to be put into a rehab center.

That would be the worst . . . But maybe, just maybe, it could help her get back to the sweet girl she used to be. Before the drugs...

"Mickey," My name is called out, as I look to the side and spot Blaze sitting on the bench, all by himself. He jumps to his feet when he see's me but I stay perfectly still. He walks over to me and with me least expecting it, he pulls me against his chest. I hug him tightly and hope to God no more tears will fall down my face.

"Hi," I barely whisper, unable to say anything else.

"I need your help," he tells me, pulling back and looking into my eyes. "Oh. Are you ok?"

I nod.

"You don't look it... What're you even doing out here?" He asks as I stay silent. "Ok you're kind of freaking me out now. What happened?"

"Nothing," I whisper to him, dropping my gaze down to the grass below our feet. "I just don't feel good, and I really have to go."

"But Spencer's not out yet, you have no ride... Just wait. I really need to talk to you. It's about Julie, Mickey. I need your help so bad. You have no idea what just went down like ten minutes ago. I looked all over the school but I can't find her anywhere..."

"Just chill out, I guess. You'll find her. Eventually," I slowly tell him, watching as he frowns.

"She thinks I cheated on her. I'd never do that. I know she would never do that to me, ever, so why the FUCK would I have the reason to go do that to her? You have to talk to her. You have to help me. She freaked out and ran off on me--"

"I'm sorry," I whisper, starting to cry even though I don't remember why I'm this upset in the first place. I know I just caught Juliana with another guy, but that can't be the reason why I'm this hurt. Can it be? I have no clue. "I seriously need to walk away."

"Wait. Are you mad at me or something--"

"No! Not even. I could never be mad at you, Blaze. I'll always be here. Just remember that, alright? Always, I'll be your friend."

"Then why are you crying?" He emotionally asks me as I shrug.

"Right now I have to mind my own business, before I mess everything up," I try to explain but he just stares at me like I have ten heads.

"Tell me what the hell's up with you. You don't get deep when you're sober for no goddamn reason."

"Just... Walk with me downtown, so I can call Jace and see if he can come and pick me up," I nearly plead, walking across the grass as he stays by my side.

"But I don't know if I trust this kid, Mickey. He seems like bad news. That shit near the fire, that killing question, he seemed pretty serious--"

"He's not a bad person," I rush out of my mouth, hating how I feel like a liar once I press my lips tightly together. "He's not . . ."

"If he ever hurts you," Blaze hesitates as I stare in front of us as we keep on walking. "I'm kicking his ass. Really bad. Because nobody screws with your feelings. And if I'm right, then you're just going to end up screwed over in the end, Mickey. And I love you, I can't have that."

"I know you care about me and everything, but it's my life. My personal life, that involves nobody besides me and Jace right now--"

"I know that, but still. You get what I'm saying," he carefully lets out as I look over at his nervous expression overtaking his face. "I have your back."

"I know," I barely get out, wanting to burst into tears again because I know I should be telling him that I just caught the girl he loves cheating on him with Mr. Ebrick, but there's a big part inside of me that cannot do that. I can't hurt him. This kid has been through enough.