Gone

Chapter 16 [Xavier] Addicted to Smack *

As I'm carrying Mickey and holding her in my arms, I don't know what to do. She's breathing, but lifeless at the same time. Is this how I act when I'm high? I know I'm an addict. I know heroin is my life. And I even know I'm putting my boys is bad situations. But there's this thing called confusion, and that's what you are. You're clueless, on dogs. You don't know the shit this man up above has put me through. I've been through hell and back, over and over again, and you don't hear me complaining.

I'm eighteen. I'm a drop out, and I don't plan on going back. I don't look forward to the future. I don't even like the present, and the past is what makes me what to put bullets in everyone's head. My mom and dad are together. They're fine. Dad's a lawyer, mom is a nurse. And me? What am I? I'm a junkie who doesn't care about life anymore.

It's really hard for me to look down at Mickey and realize she's high on the drug I need to function and survive. I don't think I could live without it. I'm in pain right now. Last time I used was at least five days ago. I shoot up, I don't smoke it. When I flip over my arm I have track marks everywhere. I can't even use my right arm anymore, because of how shitty my veins are. But that's not the point.

Heroin is mad addicting, and even just one high can make you hooked on it. I remember the first time I used. I came home from school, slept a little. It was on a Friday night. I smoked a blunt at this kids banger with some of my friends, had a few drinks and played beer pong. It was a normal house party, and everything was fine, up until my cousin showed up. I was only sixteen...

Blaze and Spencer were there too, chilling with me and my cousin Nicko down in the basement. Some heads were down there with us but most of the alcohol and drugs were up on the first floor. Once Nicko took us down those stairs is when I knew there was a reason behind it. One I was actually scared of.

“I got something new for you guys to try out,” Nicko said, sitting on the couch, taking off his backpack. “You up for it, or what?”

“What is it?” Blaze asked, Spencer standing pretty far away, at the bottom of the steps.

I sat on the table and Blaze sat next to Nicko on the couch. “Sure we are,” I answered him, watching as he unzipped his bag and pulled out a syringe, popping off the cap and revealing the sharp pointed needle.

“Got some of this shit again. Finally,” Nicko spoke, getting it ready as I looked over to see Blaze's unsure face. But we were mad drunk and young, stupid.

“Is that heroin?” I asked him, as he quickly nodded and flicked the top of it.

He looked at me and smiled. “Yeah, cuz. I'm going first,” he told us. “I got two more in the bag if you want to take advantage of them. Free.”

“No thanks,” Blaze spoke up immediately.

Spencer just wasn't into the idea. “I'll be upstairs. Tessa's probably waiting,” he rushed out, running up the stairs as I just stared at my cousin and didn't know what to say.

“Come on X. Don't you want to be like your big cuz?” Nicko asked, as I examined the dark circles under his eyes, as he pulled up his sleeve and revealed all the small red dots, a little bruised.

“Yeah. Sure, I'll try it.” And I faked a smile, reaching into the bag and taking one out. “Blaze, do it.”

“Nah,” he mumbled, as I shot him an aggravated stare.