Fearless - a jaylor story (peace book 3)

witness prep

** Tuesday 3th November**

-Taylors Pov- 

Today we are going to the prosecutor's office for witness prep for the trial later this month. The 30th of November is fast approaching and that makes me nervous but I'm also ready to get it over with so we can start to heal more. It's hard to truly start to heal when we don't know the outcome of the trial. For all we know the jury could side with him. Winning a criminal trial is harder than a Sivil trial as we need to prove that he is guilty beyond reasonable doubt. 

"it's going to be okay Taylor" joe says as we make breakfast for the kids together. "I hope so" I say and sigh before handing them all plates of toast and eggs with a side of fruit. But Kenzie also gets formula. When I was away, I lost my milk, so we had to switch her to formula. But honestly even if I had milk left, I just couldn't have started breastfeeding again, it would be too much for me, so formula it is. There is nothing wrong with giving formula to babies, they still get the nutrient they need. 

She is 8 months, so she doesn't really eat much of her food, but we make sure she drinks her bottle to get the calories she needs. Thankfully she is also able to hold her bottle herself, so our hands are free to eat ourselves. 

Ellie is able to use a knife and fork herself to eat while aurora needs it cut up still but it's fine, she is only three and have some developmental delays because of her prematurity. Aurora seems to be doing good in her early intervention lessons at the school's preschool which is a relief. Normally she is too young to start preschool, but because of her situation she can start earlier and have a 1:1 teacher that is specialized in children with special needs and she goes there two times a week for now. Her days are as long as Ellies just to make it easier with drop off and pick up times. 

Because she has a 1:1 she gets plenty of rest and playtime just like she would have gotten at home as well as the program to help her reach the milestones she needs before school starts for real. Thankfully for her though she will start once she is almost six just like Ellie since her birthday is after the school year starts. Here they have to be five before august 15th to start kindergarten. 

"Ellie are you sure you don't want to stay home with grandma and your sisters?" I ask her as she helps me load the dishwasher after breakfast. It's one of her big girl tasks we are trying to teach her. It's important that they learn basic skills early on, so they master it by the time they are adults. 

"I want to come with you" she says, and I nod "that's fine, but it's going to be boring. You can come but it's much more fun at home with grandma" I tell her, but she shakes her head "i'm coming" 

We are offering her to stay home every time I have to leave the house, but she isn't there yet that she is ready for it. We have planned with her therapist to start with that on Thursday, having her stay at home with joe while I go and do stuff either alone or with aurora or Kenzie. It's important that she learns she is safe without me too, especially as we are planning on sending her back to school gradually after the trial. 

My mommy heart says that I don't want her to have the stress of being away from me, I hate to see her that upset. But I know she will benefit from it in the long run. It would actually be bordering on cruel to not have her learn that she is safe without me, she needs to get back to being her independent self. 

We have both been through big trauma, but it's important to hold onto a sense of normalcy to cope with it all. If we keep doing what our brains tell us is the safest thing to do, we will never learn that we are actually safe now. I don't leave the house without joe anymore as I'm terrified too, so it's going to be good practice for me too. 

Together we leave for the prosecutor's office where our lawyer is also coming to the witness prep to help guide me. He isn't going to question me at trial because that's the prosecutions job and the cross examination from opposing council, but he is going to be there for me. You don't go into things like this without a lawyer on your side. He is representing both Ellie and me.