In My Head ❌

In My Head- Part 35

A/N: ****TW*** Please use your best judgment you know what you can and can't' handle 💜

Thank you all for your continued support it really means a lot ☺️💜

Dec's POV

I hiccupped softly as I stood up the floor my legs shaking as I walked over to the bathroom and turned on the cold water, it had only been about 15 minutes but I knew I had to pull myself together. Anth was counting on me and the last thing Amanda and Simon needed was another reason to tell me I wasn't capable of doing this.

I leaned down and splashed a few handfuls of water over my face sniffling and shivering as I turned the water off grabbing a towel and drying my face off before looking in the mirror.

My skin was pale and my eyes were a little puffy, I could see some dark circles underneath them as well along with some teeth marks in my lower lip; I didn't look amazing but I looked calm and I hoped I could keep this up when I walked back into Ant's room.

I needed to be strong now and Alexandra had warned me that if Ant sensed any kind of pain or weakness from me it would only make him fight harder against me and against his treatment and right now that was the last thing we needed.

"Declan?"

I heard Amanda's voice call out followed by a knock on the door and I took one last deep breath clenching my fists in order to stay calm as I walked over to the door smoothing my clothes and my hair before opening it slowly.

"Yes?"

My voice stayed even and I quickly congratulated myself as Amanda's face went from concerned to unreadable, at least she no longer looked worried.

"Are you....is everything ok?"

I nodded opening the door wider, "E-everything is ok....I just needed to use the b-bathroom...I need to check on Ant now if you don't mind."

My voice only broke twice and before Amanda could say anything I stepped past her and up to Ant's door pulling the key out and unlocking the door as she spoke again her voice more than a little uncertain, I almost felt guilty but then I remembered how she had been ready to let Ant go and my blood boiled.

"Umm Simon wants to talk to you can you come downstairs please?"

I sighed, of course Simon wanted to talk but I honestly wasn't feeling up to it right now; I had more important matters.

"I really don't have ti—"

"It's about Stephen..."

Amanda spoke over me and I froze with my hand on the doorknob as my heart throbbed painfully in my chest, I had to look after Anth but Stevie was my friend too; what if Simon had news?

I owed it to Stephen to try and be here if I could and Ant would have told me the same thing if he were able too, I just had to know what was going on with my other best friend.

"Let me check on Anth and then I'll be down ok?"

Amanda nodded and before I could react she had headed back down the stairs leaving me to my next task, making sure Anth realized where he was, explaining the plans to him and making sure to calm him down when he reacted badly just like I knew he would.

I prayed to anyone who might be listening to give me strength and I took one last shuddering breath as I opened the door stepping into the room and making sure to close it behind me putting the key in my pocket before I turned to face the bed.

Ant was laying exactly where I had left him and I felt relieved that he didn't seem to have woken up, maybe he would actually stay asleep while I changed his bandages as well as his clothes, at the moment Ant was dressed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt nothing wrong with the outfit except that the shorts had pockets something which was no longer allowed as long as he was in this state.