In My Head ❌

In My Head- Part 11

A/N: Hi guys sorry for the late update, I forget that night for me is actually morning for some of you. This chapter features Simon and David and how they cope with everything that's happened, also it's the moment you've been waiting for. There is an update on Stephen in this chapter and I want to say right now that I am by no means a medical expert. I did do some research and I consulted my friend who's a nurse however, the information may not be entirely accurate but again this is a work of fiction so dont critizize me too much lol. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy and I will pubish another update soon maybe later on today. Also thank you guys for you continued supprort!

Simon's POV

I stared down at the floor, how had things gone so horribly wrong in such a short amount of time? A few hours ago I was upset over a meeting and now Stephen was fighting for his life in hospital. I thought back to the way I had yelled at Ant this morning and I flinched at the memory, I should have known something was wrong I could hear it in his voice and yet I had been so concerned about him being late that I had ignored it.

I remembered the way Dec had asked about Stephen last night at dinner, he had asked if we had noticed the way he was avoiding everyone. I cringed as I recalled the joke David had made about him avoiding us being a good thing, I should have said something to David. Truth be told I had noticed Stephen acting different but I had chalked it up to stress or tiredness, it had been a rough few days; now though I saw it for what it was.

I knew the signs of depression, we all did, however I hadn't connected the dots until now. The way he had been avoiding us, the way he would sometimes look as if he had been crying, the dark circles under his eyes. It had been obvious and yet I had ignored it I had been so concerned with the show that I hadn't even noticed that one of my boys was depressed enough to kill himself.

I felt my heart ache, I always came across as tough and emotionless but I wasn't really that way. I loved all three boys and even though they could be annoying and downright frustrating at times, I couldn't imagine the show without them. I felt like a failure, I had vowed to myself that everything with Ant a couple years ago that I would do a better job of looking after everyone. I had clearly broken my promise because look where we were now, one of my boys was most likely going to die and the other two had witnessed his suicide attempt.

Dec hadn't told me details but judging from the blood on Ant's clothes I could guess what had happened; Ant had been the one to find Stephen. Ant's nightmare made sense now as did the way he had cuddled close to Dec; Ant had clung to Dec like he was terrified of losing him. Tears filled my eyes as I remembered the way Ant had been afraid of us and had cried out for Dec, I hadn't even been able to comfort him properly, this made me feel like even more of a failure.
The tears were falling unchecked now as sadness and regret filled me, Stephen was going to die; none of us would ever recover from this loss. I cried harder as I thought of what this would do to all of us especially Ant and Dec, they were closer to Stephen than any of us. I would never forget the state Dec had been in a couple of years ago, that would be nothing compared the way he would be if Stephen died. Ant came into my mind too, he already felt guilty about the last couple of years, what if this set him back? He had come so far and now losing Stephen might send him back into the depression he had fought so hard to overcome.

How could I have let this happen?

David's POV
I looked over at Simon and saw him put his head back in his hands, he looked so sad and broken. I knew Simon well and I knew exactly what he was doing now; he was blaming himself. I wanted to go over and tell him it wasn't his fault but my own thoughts pinned me to my chair, I felt guilt settle in my stomach. I recalled all the jokes I had made at Stephen's expense over the years, I had thought them funny at the time but now I realized that Stephen hadn't.