In My Head ❌

In My Head- Part 4

A/N: No disrespect is meant to anyone who has had or has suffered from a Panic Attack, everyone experiences things differently and this version is Stephen's experience. This is my first time involving multiple points of view at the same time and I hope you enjoy it! 

Also remember everything is all made up and 

Bold=Ant talking

Italics=Dec Talking

Ant's POV

I continued rubbing Stephen's shoulder, even though he had woken up now and was staring at Dec who was seated on his stomach, I hoped the rubbing motion would help calm Stephen down. However the next thing i knew Stephen's breathing quickened again and he sat upright in bed knocking Dec to the floor. I reached out to catch Dec but was too slow and I winced as his head bounced off the floor, i let go of Stephen and rushed over to Dec to see if he was alright.

I knelt down next to him trying to get his attention so that i could check his head and make sure he was ok, however he was too busy staring in the direction of the bed with eyes that were full of worry and fear. I followed his gaze and what i saw made my heart skip a beat, Stephen was sitting straight up in bed, gasping for air, crying his eyes out, and shaking from head to toe. I knew what was happening because i had experienced a few of Panic attacks myself over the last couple of years, but I had no idea what to do to help someone else, I had calmed myself down before but that was very different than calming someone else. I felt the same helpless feeling as before, only now it was accompanied by worry; not only for Stephen but for Dec as well.

Dec's POV

I was holding my head and watching Stephen in shock as he shook all over while gasping for breath between sobs, all I could feel was fear. I had never seen anyone like this and i didn't know what to do, and my head ached so bad and so did my heart because i couldn't stand seeing Stephen like this. I was truly afraid for Stephen and I felt more helpless than ever in that moment, i couldn't help the tears that fell as i continued to look at Stephen with concern and helplessness overwhelming my senses.

I glanced to my left and noticed that Ant was watching Stephen as well and I could tell by his facial expression that he felt the same way, helpless and concerned. I reached out and touched his shoulder forcing him to look at me, as his eyes met mine I could see my own fear being reflected back at me. My head was hurting badly now and the only rational thought I had was that Ant would take care of him. He had always taken care of me and I knew that he would surely take care of Stephen as well, Ant was younger than me but in some ways he was much wiser, he was so good at taking care of other people. "Ant, please you have to help him! Please you have to do something!"

Ant's eyes finally cleared and he looked from me to Stephen and I could tell he was debating on whether to help me or to help Stephen. My head hurt something awful now but Stephen needed him more than I did, I saw Ant reach for me but I pushed his hand away and gestured towards Stephen, "No, I'm ok for now its just a headache, please help him. I'm scared for him, please Anth." He considered it for a moment and then he stood up and walked slowly towards Stephen.

Stephen's POV

Oh no, I had hurt Dec! I had caused him to fall, he hit his head I hurt him and now he's going to hate me for sure. My heart rate sped up even more and my chest got tighter as I started to sob again, I was having a hard time getting air into my lungs; what's happening? I saw Ant move to crouch beside Dec who was looking at me in fear, oh god Dec was afraid of me and even worse Ant was most likely going to hate me for hurting his best friend. I sobbed harder and was really fighting for breath now as Ant turned to look at me and Dec turned to look at him, I was shaking now because I was so afraid. I was afraid from the nightmare, afraid of what I was going to tell the boys to explain my behavior, afraid because I had hurt Dec and I knew Ant would be so mad at me, and above all I was afraid because I didn't understand what was happening to me. I couldn't breath properly and my heart was racing, was I having a heart attack?