In My Head ❌

In My Head-Part 38

A/N: Hello everyone! I know I know it's a bit of a shock seeing me update twice in one week but I am on a bit of break from comps for a bit so I thought I would try and get in as many fanfics as I can before things pick back up. October-December is prime comp time and I have a few other side projects going as well😊 including a novel. (I may be putting out an announcement to recruit beta readers so if you might be interested keep an eye out! 💜)

Enough about me now, I know it's been a while since I updated this one but It's very hard for me to write sometimes so I tend to wait until I'm ok mentally before getting into this one. Again I realize that some people don't approve of my subject matter but I do this to raise awareness, to reach out to people who are feeling like this and let them know they are not alone. 

That being said, I know it may not seem like it when you are lost in your head, but you DO MATTER. This world is so much better with you in it, you are beautiful, talented, and amazing. You deserve to be here, to shine, you matter. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise💜💜If you are ever feeling down please reach out, even if I don't know you personally I would much rather listen to your story than have this world lose a wonderful soul. 

OK everyone i've kept you all waiting long enough but as always

******TW: MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES****

*****TW: ANSGT*****

****TW: SELF HARM****

Please use your best judgement you know what you can and cant handle! OK...let's go...

Dec's POV

I trudged up the stairs slowly wiping my hands on my jeans before pulling the key to Anth's room out of my pocket. I had just finished helping Amanda get the downstairs guest room set up. Stephen was coming home today and while I still felt nervous about it, I was pleased to see we hadn't needed to be as extreme with his room's setup as we had with Anth's.

It was slightly encouraging and I let the knowledge that Stephen was a little better comfort me as I unlocked the door pushing it open.

It had been almost a week since Ant had been brought here to stay with me, in that time we had barely exchanged more than a few sentences. Mostly I would try to talk, an attempt to somehow reach him. To let him know I was still here, that I was willing to help if only he would let me.

I closed the door as gently as possible, making sure to lock it again. Ant hadn't tried to run from me after that first day; but I wasn't taking any chances.

My heart ached as I tiptoed to the bed looking at the man laying atop the mattress. Ant's face was pale, deep lines carved into it, even in sleep he looked stressed. I put one hand out carefully brushing the hair away from his eyes. A quiet mumble escaped his lips and I shushed him gently.

"Go back to sleep, It's just me Anth ."

I used my free hand to squeeze his carefully, my fingers moving on their own accord to check the pulse in his wrist. I couldn't remember when this had become part of my daily routine but now I made a point to check it every time I came into the room,

The act was a small reminder that Anth was still here, that he was alive; that I hadn't lost him yet.

He settled down slowly and once I was sure he wouldn't wake up, I walked over to the locked desk drawer pulling out a key. I kept all of Ant's medication and bandages for his wounds inside it, as well as the restraints I thankfully hadn't had to use since the very first day.

Alexandra had said to use them when I needed to but he always seemed more upset when I did. Besides it wasn't like there was anything he could hurt himself with. A noise from the bed caught my attention and I hurried to grab everything I needed, locking the drawer again.