In My Head ❌

In My Head- Part 24

A/N: Hello guys back with another update to the story, sorry for not updating for a while but I was really stuck on how to write this story and what direction to go in and with that being said, thank you to Hvitserk100  for helping me with this one and for helping with Save Me as well. 

Alright guys you already know it's gonna be dark so let's just get right into it.....

Ant's POV

I sat on the bed still holding Dec in my arms as he slept cuddled against me with his head resting on my collarbone, it had taken quite some time to calm him after Simon's outburst and then when I had finally managed it I had checked his heartrate again and to my dismay and ever growing guilt it had gone up again. 

I felt him shift a little and then he sighed in his sleep before he wrapped an arm around my waist, I hissed a little as his arm made contact with the new wounds on my stomach and he twitched in his sleep in response. 

I was quick to hush him, "Easy kidda everything's fine go back to sleep now." 

Dec sighed in his sleep and then his body relaxed as he slipped under once more, I took one look at his face he was still so pale and he looked so fragile like he was made of glass. My heart twisted painfully in my chest Declan was always getting hurt because of my actions; leaving him really was for the best. 

I sighed again and continued to hold him as I recalled the looks David and Simon had given me when they had left the room after they realized that I wasn't going to talk to them; my friends were tired of me and I couldn't really blame them.

 I was tired of me too. I was tired of being this, tired of being a worthless, pathetic, screw-up who always hurt the people I loved.

I felt that overwhelming storm of emotions washing over me again and I felt the first signs of a tremor as my leg started to twitch involuntarily, I acted quickly and put Dec back down on the bed praying he wouldn't wake up as I stood up. 

He groaned a little and I was sure I heard a weak little "Anth" but then his body went slack again and he continued to sleep.

The tremors and emotions were getting worse now and I quickly moved towards the restroom shutting the door as quietly as possible and walking over to the sink pulling the small blade out of my pocket as I rolled my shirt up.

Simon's POV
I sat down on Ant's bed feeling frustrated and disgusted with myself, I shouldn't have yelled at Ant; yes I was angry but yelling at him wasn't going to solve anything in fact  it had made it worse and my heart ached in my chest as I recalled the hurt look he had given me and how his voice had been even worse sounding rough and cracking like he was trying hard not to cry as he had said the words that still sent a pain through my chest.

"It's fine Simon it's only me after all I deserve it."

"It's alright Simon it was my fault just like always."

I felt my heart twist again and bile rising up in my throat at the memory, the words had been delivered with a shrug of his shoulders as if he wasn't affected by them however I had been able to clearly hear the pain in them. Ant had truly believed those words; he truly believed he deserved to be yelled at and that he had somehow caused all of this.

As soon as I had realized exactly how much he meant those words I had apologized again and continued trying to get him to talk to me for almost an hour while he continued to comfort Declan who had cried himself back to sleep in Ant's arms.