In My Head ❌

In My Head- Part 20

A/N: HI everyone! I surprised myself by actually having the inspiration to write another update to this story so um here we are, thank you all so much for all the support on that last update and for continuing to stick with this story. 

I don't want to talk too much but I just want to say that there are scenes in here that will be distressing to some readers so please use your best judgement. 

So with that being said I am going to be quite and let you read now, the update isn't great but I hope you like it anyway. 

Amanda's POV
No one spoke a word in the car the only sounds were our even normal breathing and Dec's shallow wheezing breaths, I glanced in the rearview and saw Ant looking at Dec biting his lip. I felt my heart tug as he unhooked his belt and crawled into the middle seat wrapping an arm around Dec's shoulders pulling him against him, Ant's actions were so careful and so gentle like he was afraid Dec would break if he touched him too roughly.

I felt tears in my eyes as Ant's stayed focused on Dec with an unreadable expression on his face, I was sure I saw a tear fall from his cheek but he wiped a hand across his face and leaned against the seat his eyes never leaving Dec. I knew something had happened and judging from the way Ant was acting and the fact that Dec was so pale and practically lying limp in the seat it was something very bad, my eyes flickered over to Simon and I saw his face set into the same worried expression as mine.

He was focused on the road and he didn't speak so I decided to leave him alone keeping my eyes on the rearview mirror and the boys, I could see Ant shaking again and I realized that he had been shaking like that ever since he got off the lift. I decided enough was enough and I broke the heavy silence that had formed "Ant are you sure your ok? You've been shaking like that for almost an half an hour.' I saw him meet my eyes in the rearview and he nodded before he spoke, 

"I'm fine Amanda I just need to get Dec back to his room, I don't want to talk about it right now.'  His voice turned hard at the end and I flinched a little at the tone, Ant noticed and was quick to apologize, "I'm sorry Amanda I'm just worried about Dec right now, I didn't mean to speak so harshly.' I could hear the sincerity in the apology and I was quick to ease his guilt, 

"It's alright Ant I understand I'm not upset with you I just wanted to let you know you could talk to me if you wanted."

He smiled and then fell silent again looking down at his lap now and avoiding my gaze, I bit my lip wondering how I was going to get him to open to me.

Ant's POV
I looked down at my lap and fought back tears that stung my eyes threating to fall I felt so guilty about all of this, I was worrying everyone to death and worse now I was quite literally snapping at Amanda almost constantly and all she wanted to do was help. I was truly the most horrible person alive I had made Stephen feel so worthless that even my very presence caused him to have a heart attack, I had stressed Dec to the point that his body couldn't take it anymore, I had brought the press down on our heads again, and now I was being mean to my friends who had done nothing but help us.

I hung my head in shame, I was always messing things up no matter how hard I tried; I was nothing but bad luck. I felt the car slow down and then stop and I looked up realizing we were at the hotel now, I didn't waste anytime and I pulled the room key out of my pocket and picked up the bag before unhooking my belt and practically running over to Dec's side of the car.

I saw Simon get out and Amanda as well but Ignored them both scooping Dec up into my arms again and feeling my eyes stinging even more when he didn't respond and his head just flopped onto my shoulder. I hugged him tight and the only thing that comforted me was steady beating of his heart but I frowned as I realized that the nurse was right his heart was beating way faster than normal, "I'm sorry Declan" I whispered as I held him close and felt my tears falling now.