After the Lust

Part 30.

"I'm sorry..." Gulf keeps on apologizing as he holds Mew for dear life. It's like the accident just happened and he won't stop crying. "Our baby... I- I- I let the baby die.. I didn't take care of our baby." He kept apologizing with no ends to it no matter how Mew console him.

Aedyn is just in the corner, watching his parent and is also crying by just seeing his dada cry. It was an emotional time for them, no matter how long the time have passed yet the accident seems to just occur the day prior. Everything still feels so fresh and vivid.

The time seems to run slow and tears were endless. This is a much needed healing that they all need and the reality they must face.

"We will be okay, everything will be alright. No one blames you, it's not your fault." Mew keep on whispering those words to Gulf. He repeated them endlessly so it will sink on his partner's mind.

"Mommy~" Aedyn's voiced echoed loudly in the only crying noise. Gulf turned his head and realized what his friends has been telling him, that as he mourns for his unborn child, he ignored and forgot that he has a living one. The one who just loves him unconditionally.

"My baby~" Gulf untangle himself from Mew and open his arms wider to accept his son, the warmth his son deserves. He was like slapped with reality, a reality and love he doesn't deserve.

Aedyn runs to his mother and immediately hugged him, "Dada~ I miss youuu..." Aedyn's loud cry fills the room yet it was comforting. The sound of his cries shows that he isn't okay, that he needs his parents, he needs his mother's love and affection. The cry that wake them up and face the reality, Aedyn is trying to light up his parents heavy burden using his warm small hands.

They were just crying there, feeling all the emotions and taking them in. The pain that is all hidden inside just bursts out like a bubble. All there, just feeling the pain, taking all those suffering and wounds that has yet to heal. The most emotional and yet best feeling.

"Is he sleeping?" Mew peeked to the room of Aedyn where Gulf and his son are. Both were tired from so much crying. Mew made Gulf to stay with their son and rest with him as he fix other things, he also let their friends who came with Gulf to stay for few days until Gulf get used to it again. Few days of not being alone is essential since the mind tend to always thinks of things which will just worsen his mood and emotions.

"He is." Gulf showed a faint smile at Mew. He is not fully recovered yet and it's completely normal that he isn't. Mew walked in and gently close the door behind him, he approached Gulf kissed him on the forehead.

"Why don't you sleep too?" Mew asked. His gentle gaze were fixated at Gulf's.

"I'm not sleepy" Gulf timidly reply as he tried to make space for Mew to lay beside him.

"Why?" Mew's voice is also gentle that makes his question convey his concern. "Aren't you tired?"

"I am not..." Gulf cut his sentence off and went for a long pause and a sigh before he started over again, "You know, when I was at the hospital... well, I cannot remember all the details but as my memory can reach, I always ask myself, Why only worst things happen to me?" His tears starts to gather and threatening to fall yet Gulf showed another faint and bitter smile, "Am I that bad that I deserve all of this? Is this my "Karma" for what I did? Like to you and everyone else?" Gulf's eyes were in pain and his voice trembles. "I know some people would say, this is my punishment, this all my fault, that... that I was the reason why Aedyn grew up without a father and the one from above took my unborn child away. I can feel pain too. I did and I do"

Mew let Gulf to vent out and did not interrupt him, his much needed voice to tell his burden that's burning inside him.

Mew pull him over to his chest and wipe the never ending tears, "Everything happens for a reason but you're not the reason for it, okay? You know things happened because it is meant to happen." Mew pressed his lips on Gulf's hair, "I am hurting as you are, I can understand your pain and you're not alone. Whatever happened in the past, let it stay there. I don't blame you for anything and I love you no matter what."

Gulf did not gave response but instead he let his silent cry speak for him. They stay there, no more talk, they just let their hearts speak.






Gulf finally cooperates with the psychiatrist to help him. His friends starts to leave though it was basically just the Kao and Up couple who flew back for their work, Hai checks on him from time to time and Mix is busy. He can't give Gulf's previous workload back since the latter is still recuperating but yet Gulf's starting already.

Mix is dealing with everything most especially with Gulf's father.

 

"Mommy~ Daddy~" Aedyn sometimes calls Gulf "mommy" or "dada" and Gulf didn't even mind it one bit. The kid runs to his parents who're at the kitchen.

"Yes little superman?" Mew hugged his son who came from school and place him on his lap as his mother is cooking food for them.

"I got stars!" He proudly shows the back of his hand which marked with temporary ink with star shapes.

"Oh, you did well! My baby is so great!" Gulf said. He placed the chocolate drink in front of Aedyn. Just few weeks of rehabilitation and Gulf is better. He doesn't break down as often as he used to and doesn't feel sad all the time.

"Our darling is so amazing!" Mew showers his son with kisses which makes the kid giggles. Mew technically lives at Gulf's house and just goes home or leave the premises when an urgent work came up.

"Oh wait..." Aedyn hurriedly went down from his father's lap and ran to get something. The two just stares at each other and suddenly laughed at their son. Aedyn's also back to his usual cheerful self and jolly attitude. Mew send Aedyn back to school instead of just attending online class since that will also help Aedyn's mood and so that he can interrupt with his classmates and make friends.

However, the stable their emotions are, the more internal conflict Mew is having. Questions that he can't ask and he cannot find the right time to bring them up. Questions like 'What is their relationship' since he knew they were couple but Gulf always rejects his advance and sometimes, Gulf doesn't even let him kiss on the lips, or something like 'Where does he belong' since he feels like the closer they get the further he is and it just further confuse Mew.


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I'm sorry for taking too long to update. Our final thesis defense keep on getting extended so I have to focus on it.

Also, This story "might" end at Part 35 but I'll try to make it reach 40 haha.

I started writing this part like 3 weeks ago and it's still so short 😭😭

How are you guys? I missed you 😭