This Is Where I Want To Be

130. I Think About You

Chris

It was the second day Caleb was going out of the city with us. Since the day before, he had been acting weird, staring off into space. One moment, with a stupid smile on his face. The next, he would be frowning, thinking heavily. Just like at the breakfast table across from me that morning. Humming and happy, and then he would bite his lip nervously... He wasn't a very bouncy child. But like his mom, when he was excited and on the way to getting what he wanted... Caleb would turn into a total goof.

"What is wrong with you? Did your grandfather give you something?" Caleb blushed. I was shocked. His cheeks were red. He hadn't blushed... since that girl made a move on him... Ah, a girl.

"Who is she?" His lips pressed together, trying not to smile. "Is she pretty?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, kinda..." What did that mean? He held out a hand to me and stretched his pinky out. I tilted my head and stared at it. He pulled my hand closer and made me pinky swear. "Swear you won't tell my grandfather."

When I let go, he actually used the word "cool."

My insides flipped. Butterflies swarming. Remembering that night, she was there... My mind was going a million miles per second. Pinky swear and cool. Kinda pretty girl... Like she wasn't everybody's cup of tea. Would he fall in love with his own mother? Did she finally make it? Why would she not show herself? That was stupid. I knew why.

"So why are you all happy?" I followed him eagerly, trying to fish out any information from him.

"She's just... different."

I instantly thought about Juliet, seeing her on top of me at the cabin. Grabbing me around the waist with her legs. She held onto me for a day because I was leaving. I sighed and turned away from him. It was probably nothing, only my imagination. I could've used the word "cool" somewhere. Or did a pinky swear with Selena, and Caleb had seen it... And I didn't want to ask him about it because Ira walked into the room. A flicker of fear played around in my thoughts that Ira would actually kill her... I was also jealous... If Caleb started sleeping around... I didn't know what I would do. That would completely change everything. If he embraced the life there. If he wanted to stay. I never had to think about it like that.

I missed Juliet... something fierce. It was Shumaan. It got worse because I was close to going home... to her. Making it at last. Earth was still my home. Any place but Zoreah. I had still not connected. After fifteen years of it... It was as if I had emigrated to another country... I couldn't acclimate. Culture shock... Missing real people... Missing my people. Pretending every day. Fake it till you make it for the wrong reasons... For Caleb. Who I thought would've wanted to leave with me in a heartbeat.

That morning, I waited outside the house to walk out of the city. The day before had gone well, and Caleb was a natural. He found a rhythm in everything he needed to do. Like Juliet, he could train and focus for hours and keep a level head.

Selena was waiting in the street. The tall blond was waving her arms in the air. She and Jamal were still the only ones I gravitated to. Jamal was awake and knew there was more to life... More human than he realized. A Riphath that didn't want to put on a mask. When I was with Selena, I could let go. She knew everything about me, and I wanted to believe she loved me. As a friend and for who I was.

***

That day, it was her and me again on patrols. Jamal was with Caleb. I thought it a good idea to give him some space. For some time... since his birthday, he had been angrier and challenging me a bit. A teenager, regardless of his species. I was okay with bringing him because we were close to the city. Selena and I were sitting under a tree in some shade, taking a little break. Selena lay in my lap. I was leaning back on my hands, enjoying the cool breeze, chewing on a piece of grass. The only "Earthly thing" you could do to a piece of straw or whatever it was.