Sailing With Destiny

Not What You Need

I was left guilty and even a little ashamed once I gathered the courage to leave the bathroom. Mitchell wasn't excessively rough for me to have been in so much pain, something had to have been wrong on the inside – all the symptoms I'd recently had to have meant something. I was afraid to but the need to see Dr. Barlos became urgent. 

Mitchell was confused and concerned and I assumed a little angry. He had a lot of questions but I didn't have any answers so I kept my head lowered and told him, I didn't want to talk about it while he was at work. Typically, Mitchell refused to let it go, he canceled all appointments for the rest of the day and drove us to his place. 

The drive was silent but the tension between us was thick. There was still some pain and discomfort when I walked but I did my best to walk normally so Mitchell didn't have even more questions. He had every right to ask questions but I had no clue what was wrong with me and I knew Mitchell would be overly concerned and stressed out. Therefore, until I got answers, I was going to be vague. 

"You didn't have to driv-"

"What happened?" Mitchell got straight to the point. "Why were you crying?"

"I'm fine, really." I grinned to convince him. 

"Bullshit!" Mitchell snapped. He took in a breath and licked his lips. "I can tell you're not. You're not even walking properly, so spare me the lies."

"Shouldn't that be a compliment?"

"Mila." Mitchell glared. "I need answers. Now."

I took in a deep breath and approached Mitchell. "I promise this has nothing to do with you." I took his hands in mine and stared into his eyes. "You did nothing wrong."

"Nothing to do with me?" Mitchell pulled his hands away and raked his fingers through his hair. "You were in tears and do not tell me your eyes were just watering, I can tell the difference!"

Mitchell breathed in and took a step closer. He gulped and the closer I looked at him, he didn't show any signs of anger but more of fear and distress. "Did I hurt you?"

I shook my head. "No."

Mitchell rolled his eyes and exasperatedly sighed. "For fuck's sake stop lying to me."

"I mean, I can't blame you..." I ran my fingers through my hair and huffed. "This is so awkward to talk about."

Mitchell softly exhaled, took my hand, and walked us over to the couch. He made me sit before he sat down next to me. He rested one of his arms on my backrest, caging me in. "You don't need to feel awkward about anything. I want you to know that you can share anything and everything with me."

"I know but this is just..." I bit my lip and lowered my eyes. 

"Mila." Mitchell gripped my chin and made me meet his soft gaze. "It's me, since when are you shy about anything in front of me? Have you forgotten what happened when we first met?"

"Even if I wanted to, I'd never forget the day I threw up in your mouth."

Mitchell grimaced at my words but quickly composed himself. "If you can say that with ease, you can share anything with me."

"After sharing gastric juices and semi-digested food with you, I suppose you're right," I muttered to myself. 

Mitchell looked disgusted but was more concerned to comment further. He caressed my arm with his fingertips and stared into my eyes. "If I hurt you, tell me."

"I told you, it's not your fault," I said softly. "Everything was fine... great but then I got a sudden, sharp pain that went up to my stomach."

Mitchell stilled and guilt and remorse flashed were written on his face. "Why didn't you stop me?"