NO WAY BACK | carl grimes | ON PAUSE

twenty - five: tell it to the night

"This is more than us."

🏹🏹🏹

Atlanta, a few weeks ago. The night Luke left.

LUKE PEERED NERVOUSLY OUT of the front door window, thinking of the way of the world now, and what it had came to. He thought about Elaina, and her hope. He thought of Wayne and Montana, and their love. He felt like they all believed in something he didn't. He was tired, but he had to be strong. There was no room to fall down in this world. This was how it was going to be.

"She's asleep," Wayne said, walking into the main part of the living room. "Montie is staying in there with her. Hard day."

"More of them things are coming into the city," Luke stated, scratching his brown hair. "Don't know if we are still safe here on the outskirts."

"We could look for other survivors," Wayne suggested. "Might be others out there."

"Could be," Luke shrugged, flicking his green eyes back to the window again.

"What's wrong?" Wayne asked, walking over to the window. "You've barely been able to say a single thing to any of us all day."

"This is permanent," Luke stated, still not looking at Wayne. "This is the world now, Wayne. That's what's wrong. How can Elaina live through this after the life she has already had?"

"She's got us," Wayne reminded him. "We've got each other. That's what matters. We will get through it together."

Luke scoffed. "You've got a friend in me is that it? Don't give me that bullshit, Wayne. What's going on, it's more than anything we can deal with."

"Is that what you want Elaina to believe?" Wayne questioned. "You've seen her, Luke. You've seen what she's been trying to do to convince you that things will be okay. If she heard you right now, it would break her heart."

"Well she's not going to hear what I've just said, is she?" Luke questioned, sighing.

"Luke I get it," Wayne stated, edging closer to him. "I get things are hard. See this, though? This is what happens when you don't talk to us about how you're feeling. Montie and I care, and we are worried about you."

"You don't need to be," Luke said, a little more softly this time. "I just—I want to believe that things will be okay, Wayne. That's what Elaina needs but I know I am lying to myself."

Luke walked over to the table and picked up a few of yellow coloured pages, all neatly organised into a pile. On them were scribbled down theories that Elaina had written down about the virus. Mr Elfwing had largely been quoted, and Dr Candace Owens.

"She looks up to these people," Luke said, pointing at the pages. "Now, they're probably dead."

Wayne frowned. "You can't know that for sure."

"What is the point of these theories?" Luke asked, shoving the pieces of paper into his pocket. "Weeks. For weeks this virus was a problem and nobody did anything to stop it. Wear masks, use hand sanitiser. Nobody listened. Stay at home, protect your loved ones. Nobody listened. It was a problem for weeks and nobody could work out what it was!"

"It can take years to figure out the answers," Wayne countered. "Why are you shutting down Elaina's theories?"

"Child's dream," Luke stated.

"Oh yeah?" Wayne stated. "You know what, Luke? I bet you if you went out there and brought those theories to a scientist, they wouldn't call it a child's dream. They'd see truth within them, but you clearly don't see that, do you?

"Don't you stand there and paint me out to be the bad guy," Luke snapped, finally turning to Wayne. "I tell you, Wayne. Why don't you go and practise the bed time stories you're going to tell Elaina?"

A silence appeared between the old friends. Wayne stared Luke with melancholy, as if he was seeing a ghost. Luke stared vacantly at Wayne, with no feeling in his heart. Wayne then turned his head away from Luke.

"Will do," Wayne said, disappearing into the bedroom again.

Luke put his hands over his face and sat down on the sofa. It was the fatigue talking. He knew it was. Only a short time into the apocalypse and they were already bickering. Would there be a time where they wouldn't be able to draw the line? Where there would be no agree to disagree? Luke feared that day.

"What was that about?" Montana asked, heading into the living room. "You two never argue."

"Doesn't matter, Montie," Luke said, rubbing his eyes.

"It does matter. That's why I am asking," Montana replied. "Elaina is not stupid. She'll be able to sense that you two have had a disagreement tomorrow morning, whether you play best friends or not."

"Do you ever worry that this is as good as it gets?" Luke questioned. "That there is nothing out there waiting for us?"

"I don't know, Luke," Montana said, shrugging. "I guess I don't think of the future because it isn't promised to us."

"You're right about that," Luke sighed, looking at Montana. "Go and get some sleep."

"Will you be okay?" Montana asked.

"I will, Montie. Don't worry."

"Okay," Montana said softly.  "Goodnight, Luke. I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll see you then."

x~x~x~x~x

In the middle of the night, Luke carefully zipped us his back pack, making sure he didn't wake anybody up. Luke knew this was the time to go. He just knew it. He had to do this. He had to do it for Montana and Wayne and Elaina. There was no purpose without the truth.

Throwing the bag over his shoulder, Luke took one final look at the apartment. A hundred memories came flooding in at once. By the sofa, near the plant, was where Elaina found out about Kensington. The kitchen table was where Montana and Wayne spent many nights playing beer pong, while Elaina drank appletiser. Most of all, this was the first place he had ever felt at home, with his little sister by his side.

He could only hope that Elaina wouldn't be mad at him for his travels. He knew he wouldn't be gone long, but still. This journey he was going on needed to be done alone. Not with Montana or Wayne or Elaina. Alone.