HIP #2: Summer Of Love

Chapter 28

Ever since we got inside my room, he has said nothing to me. Not a single word about what happened earlier, not a single word about what he was talking about and who was seeing. But right now, I think I got it all figured out. His schizophrenia attacked him. From what he was saying about him, who he saw behind me that planned to hurt him, I noticed he was fantasizing about things.

Britney told me he has three disorders which are depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia. And I found out which one hits on him at the moment. "Here." I handed him a cup of water, but he didn't even look at it. His hair is still wet, he's still halfway naked with a towel around his waist and another one wrapped around his upper body, covering his skin, which I gave to him because of the chilly breeze.

I came closer to him, "you need to drink water." He hasn't kept his eyes away from the floor since he sat here on my bed. "No, I'm not thirsty." He finally spoke. At least he was able to speak. Hearing his deep voice is enough for me to get relief. I didn't push him to drink anymore. I don't want to make him do something he doesn't want to.

So I kept the glass of water away and placed it on the table. "What happened?" I asked.

"Please close the door and lock all of its locks." He stated. I wanted to ask tons of questions inside my head and I wanted to argue about it but I know he's not feeling okay so I just came to the door, shut it, and locked the locks. "So, what happened?" I repeated.

Finally, after a long time of doing nothing but sit down and stare at the ground, he stood and went to the wooden chair. He sat on it and rested his arms on the table. After half an hour, his body is still wet and water keeps dripping down on the ground making the woods damped too.

"Promise you won't tell anyone." When he speaks, he usually smiles and never looked so serious as this. Presently, he looks so solemn.

"I do." I sat on my bed and used the pillow to cover my chest as I leaned on it. Before speaking, he gulped.

"I was diagnosed with three mental disorders. Anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia. No one else knows this but you and Britney."

I frowned, "wait, what? You have disorders and you never told me? Since when did you find out?" I acted like I was clueless. I don't want him to lose his trust in Britney just because she told me about his secret. I also don't know why he keeps the secrets.

"I'm sorry for hiding it from you, I was just not yet comfortable to tell them all to you but now, I am. And I didn't want to be a burden. It was just last year when I found out. I couldn't sleep each night, I got scared of talking to people, and I began hallucinating. When I told my problems to Britney, she suggested that I should consult a psychologist. So I did. And he diagnosed all my disorders. I never told anyone but Brit."

I understand how much he trusts her but it still hurts that he never told me. I've been here all along and he ignored my presence. I realized that this summer we're having just by the two of us is pretty nice because I'm able to know more things about him and I can help him with his problems even if it's not in the way that Brit helped him.

"Don't ever think you're a burden." That was all I could say. That's the problem with us. We're best friends and yet, we are not comfortable telling each other our feelings and our problems. Hence, we think that we're burdens in all. "Who did you see in the bathroom?"

I watched him rub his hands together while his eyes are on me. I bet he doesn't even know what he's doing. "My dad. Who was holding an ax." I couldn't speak.

My tongue wanted to say a few words as a response but I held it back. I have no idea what to say. I don't want to offend him and I don't want to be wrong with what I would tell him. Darn, it.

Did he imagine his dad in front of him with an ax? That's a little...

Too much.

"Are you aware that they're not real?" I don't know where that question came from. Of course, he is!

"Yes, but it's different when you have schizophrenia. It's very different! You don't understand what it's like. Even if you know that the things you imagine are fake, it hits weird because they affect your mind and you end up thinking that they're physically doing things to you. I don't just see him, I also hear him saying he would kill me if I would lose one more game." He was already complaining like he's in a debate. But he kept calm. That's one thing I admire about him.

"Okay, sorry. I really don't understand but I'm trying to." I smiled.

"Thanks." I waited for this, I wanted it; he smiled back. That's such a relief. He finally smiled. I think it's a fake smile but as long as it's from him, it lightens me up.

"What did the doctor say about your disorders?" I wanted him to give me a positive answer like how he can recover and how he can cope with them.

"He mentioned that it's in our genes. I know, because mom's older sister has schizophrenia and depression too. I guess it was passed on to me." That means that in his family, he's not the only one who's suffering from such things.

"It was passed on to you, but you know what else was passed on to you?"

"What?"

"Strength. You're very strong and I hope you know that. Because despite all these craps, you can carry them all at once as if you have nothing on your back. You're able to lift all your problems and smile through them." If his beam was a little fake earlier, now it's real and sincere. I can see it shining like the daylight.