HIP #2: Summer Of Love

Chapter 33

After that answer he gave me, I couldn't speak anymore. I began staring at the empty wind and held back my tears. The stars were talking to me, saying just let it all out while the moon was telling me it wouldn't be worth it. I don't know why their suggestions are too far away from each other when they're supposed to be trying to help me get over this crap.

It was a long moment of silence between me and Peter. "Hey, you haven't chosen yet. Truth or dare?" His voice sounds better when he's drunk and when he's not trying too hard to make it loud for me to hear. It's very natural. I leaned forward and saw his eyes shut. They're... beautiful even when they're closed. I sighed heavily. Only in my wildest dreams I can lean on his shoulder not as a friend but as a special someone. Weird to think that I'm still here waiting for us to happen when I have a boyfriend.

Why am I even thinking of it? Well, as they say, you can't help who you fall for. "Truth."

"Rate me on a scale of one to ten."

"That's not a truth or dare question."

"A question is a question."

"Nine."

"Why just nine? Why not ten?" He was chuckling a bit but I can see how weak he is already. The drinks already have hit him hard. He's that drunk already so maybe I can say things I won't say when he's sober.

"Because that one point is something I hate about you."

"You hate me?"

"No. I love you. But there's one thing I don't like about you." I admitted it. I love him. I only have the courage to say it because I know he doesn't understand what I'm talking about.

"What is it? Tell me so I will work and try to change myself in that aspect."

"I hate that you're out here being that good. When I see you, I'm happy but then I always realize that you're someone I can never have. So I begin being sad with the ugly truth. I hate that I can't have you and you give me motives to love you this way. And it's wrong."

He slightly moaned in laughter. It's not funny. It's hurting me. "Cut it out. You're making me blush." He doesn't even what he's saying and what I'm telling him. Perhaps tomorrow would be just another day for me to hide how I'm feeling.

"No. Just blush while I cry over the truth." I wanted to cry but my eyes were too dry to let out some teardrops. Maybe I cried enough over him.

He laughed again. I watched him breathe with his eyes closed and a smile on his lips. I let the wind blow my hair away like how I'm beginning to like him again. If this is how it feels like to love your best friend, then I want to give it to somebody else. This feeling is something I wish I can sell.

"Charlie..." he called. I didn't answer.

"Yeah? What now?"

"You there?"

"Obviously."

"I love you." He whispered. If he's only sober then I would believe him...

"No, you don't" I stood up and walked towards him. "Come on. Let's get you inside, you're drunk." No one else will put him in his room. Even if he's very heavy, I will try my best. I'm the reason he's waisted. He kept his eyes shut while I wrapped his arm around me and carried his body. His chest was on my back. Darn it, I was being too dramatic earlier now I'm having a hard time carrying the person who made me cry. He doesn't even know what he did.

I opened his door and turned the lights on. He's a lot heavier than I expected. I wonder if this is the first time he used alcohol. It is my first time. Well, let's say it's not. I once sneaked into our refrigerator at midnight when I was in eighth grade and tried my dad's wine which was so bad. I thought it had a nice taste but it was very weird. I never tried drinking again until now.

I walked towards his bed and stopped in front of it. I could really use someone's help in this but there's no one else around. It's already midnight, everyone's asleep now. I gently placed him on the bed starting with his head and next to the feet onto his body.

After getting tired of carrying him, I stretched. Then, I fixed his head on the pillow and covered him with blankets as I sat next to him. I began watching him. I guess he noticed I took him to his bed making his eyes open. He moaned a little and smiled at me. "Hey, Charlie what are you doing in my room? Oh, wait, you haven't chosen yet, truth or dare?" I faked a smile again.

"I got to go now." I stood, I need to leave before he notices me crying over him. Before I can take a step forward, he grabbed my arm causing me to look back. "No, please don't leave me." He said in a sleepy but begging voice.

I don't want to leave him and I don't want to stay. This might lead to something worst.

"Don't go yet. I haven't told you what I have to."

"What do you have to tell me?"

"I love you." I shook my head. It's supposed to make me smile and make me happy but, it's making me sad and cry instead.

"No. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what you're saying. I'm sure tomorrow, you'll say sorry and regret everything you did and told me tonight."

"No, I mean it. I love you so much more than you know, Charlie." He closed his eyes and smiled.

He's drunk

He's drunk

He's drunk.

I repeated the same phrase in my head over and over.

I hate the fact that I'm right. I hate that he only loves me because he's drunk. He's being sweet with those words but I wish he's sober.

I hope he knows what he's saying and is aware of his words but he isn't and it's hurting me.

And why does it hurt me? Because I love him?

I do. But I should not.