HIP #2: Summer Of Love

Epilogue

It already has been a year since Peter's death. Through all the days that passed me by, every night, I would play All Too Well 10-Minute Version and imagine he was right next to me. Sometimes, I would go to Mancheston by myself, commute for transportation, and rent his room. Sleeping there makes me feel safe. That was the place where I first witnessed him cry because of me, where I swore I would never be dramatic at his funeral, and where I caught him getting attacked by his disorder.

I didn't go to school for the first phase of my senior year because I wanted my schedule to be flexible and do some things that would always remind me of him. Chance never knew about the relationship Peter had. He thought we were just best friends. I don't want to break up with him, but I think he deserves to know the truth. Yet, I'm not ready to tell him. Maybe in the future.

Shane and Britney visit me in my house from time to time and comforts me. They've both been understanding ever since I told them about the truth. Turns out Britney and I are both adopted. But at least she knows who her actual parents are, unlike me, whose biological parents are dead.

I've been to a Taylor Swift concert last May. It was insane and was so far away from my expectations. I never thought I would see her in person, but I did. I know Peter would be happy for me if he is alive. It just made me sad as I screamed at the bridge part of Cruel Summer alone. I did it not just for myself but also for Peter. He said in his goodbye voice message that he wants me to go for him so it's what I did. I had a lot of fun except for the thought that I could have been happier if he was there with me.

I know he would be prouder if I would reach my dreams as he said. Last month, I submitted an application form to the Miss Universe Paris organization because I realized it was time for me to open up my wings and fly. I'm still waiting for the results.

Peter's dad has been sentenced to jail for twenty years. It's a good thing that he might die there without ruining anyone else's life. Even my mom or dad's or Peter's mom. It would be a peaceful two decades for us. Except if he survives and stays strong or escapes. But I hope he won't.

Good things are enjoyable and we should be grateful for them. But our world is imperfect so problems crash into our lives and we don't have a choice but to face them sometimes, we even have to risk our happiness. Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's not. But playing fair is better than cheating.

When it's morning, we can't see the stars because the brightness of the sun is blocking them. But, that doesn't mean they're gone. They're just not visible at the current time. But when nighttime hits, they would shine and we can see them again up in the sky. Likewise, sometimes bad things block the good ones but that doesn't mean, they're gone. We just have to wait for the time when they would be visible again. So, we must be patient and wait for it. But always remember that we should be ready.

I gently sat in front of his graveyard and placed beside it the flowers I bought earlier. It says:

Peter Rivera

August 13, 2002 – December 31, 2024

I still can't believe it has been a year. I survived a year without him. I never thought I would. The wind blew my hair. The last time it did was when Peter and I were in his car with the window down while we were singing You Need To Calm Down as we caught the attention of the people we passed by. I tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

I have always been scared of losing him. But I realized he was never mine. But for me, wanting him was the greatest thing I've ever done in my entire life.

"Hey, there! Sorry if I didn't go to your funeral and I never visited you in a year. I just wanted to move on." I began picking the grass which was tickling my knees.

"I didn't see this coming. I mean, this long. I can't believe that I survived." I added.

My palm met the pebbles on top of his gravestone and I traced his name written on it. I didn't notice how a teardrop fell from my teary eyes as it rolled down my cheeks. It dropped on the grass like how it dropped to his body when I first saw him in the morgue.

I slowly lay down on the grass and used my hand as a pillow for my head. I smiled. It has been three months since I last smiled because it has been three months since I last listened to the voicemail he sent me which I now have memorized. Excluding all the fake smiles I gave in my application videos and in family occasions or sometimes with Chance.

"You know what, I just met Taylor! And guess who applied for Miss Universe France? I'm also coming back to school this year because I spent this semester at home. It was boring to study in my room for one whole year." I stopped when realized I'm talking to no one but myself. He's dead and he can't hear me anymore. It's like I'm talking to a person who's sleeping.

He doesn't understand anything or hear anything but all I care about is expressing what I feel. "Peter, I love you so much. You mean a lot to me and I've said this so many times before. Still, I want to tell you. Umm, also, I think your dad is paying for everything he has done to you before. It's a good thing. I know that if you're alive you won't like this because you'll end up complaining over and over that he's your father and you're supposed to forgive him no matter what. Because that's your kind of kindness."

I smiled again. "But even for just once, be selfish!"

I would never forget Peter Rivera: The guy who made me feel love at the most unexpected time. I loved him so much that it hurt me so much in the end. He would always be in my mind.

Now, he's six feet under and his presence could never be felt again, so far above everything. But at least, the summer I expected to be boring turned out to be one summer of love I spent with him which I would always remember.

One thing right I did in my life was loving him. I loved him then, and I love him now though I don't know how. It's hard to explain but all I know is that loving him was like a losing bet game.

•The End•