HIP #2: Summer Of Love

Chapter 41

It already has been five minutes since I started wiping all the tears dripping down from my eyes while my head is rested on the door of his room. Hearing him say that he loves me in the wrong way hurts me a lot. He could have said it when we're okay when we're fine when we're casually hanging out. Not right now that he saw me having a lot of fun with Chance.

I didn't mean to make him feel like he's just my best friend. He is, but all these times, I've been hiding what I feel for him. That I love him too. I know that I am already mentally cheating on my boyfriend. But I can't stop my heart from beating too fast when he's around. When he's with me, I feel like my feet are being lifted and I'm getting spun around.

Wrong things always feel good. I took a deep breath to hold back my tears. I don't want to let out another set of them. I gave enough. I can't help thinking that I ended up hiding what I truly feel for Peter when I have a boyfriend. It's like the biggest mistake I've done in my life. But he's a masterpiece, not a mistake. "Peter, please... we should talk about it." I slowly stood up and knocked on the door again.

I've been trying to open this since he locked it but I can't anymore. Shane and Britney are waiting for me with Chance, I don't want them to think that I'm in trouble or that something's going on. "Peter, come on!" I began feeling irritated but I can't express it because my tears already have taken over me.

My hands are wet from tears and they're cold enough to be compared with ice. "Go away!" His cold voice creaked in. I feel where he is, I think he has a pillow on his head covering his face because of the way his voice sounds. Or perhaps a comforter is wrapped around him.

I held the knob and shook it over and over. From the left them to the right; attempting to open it. Yet, no matter how hard I try, it's so stronger than my efforts. "Peter! Open the door or you'll regret never seeing me again as you said so." I don't mean that. I will never do it. Being unable to see him would kill me. Because he's the reason I'm happy to wake up in the morning.

He didn't answer, I kept shaking the knob until all my efforts finally paid off when it creaked as I opened it. I immediately peeked inside and I was right, he's covered with a comforter with a pillow on his face. "Get out of my room!" He's like a kid talking to his mom saying he doesn't want to do anything for the rest of the day. But I know he's not like that.

"I won't unless you talk to me," I whispered.

"We are talking." Surprisingly, he can still hear me with that huge thing on him.

"Since when have you become rude?" I don't think he was rude. I just had nothing else to say. I don't want to get silent and feel a lot of awkwardness and it would lead to me getting out of his room after I worked a lot to get inside. My efforts would be useless.

"I'm not being rude." I knew he would say that.

"Then what do you call with what you're doing to me?" I don't know what it was. Maybe casual talk but it wasn't casual.

"It's sarcasm." Right. That's the word I was looking for.

"A serious talk is what I mean, okay?" I shut the door and without his permission, I jumped to his soft bed and took off the blankets wrapped around him as it exposed his legs underneath the short shorts he was wearing. "Put it back!"

Instead, I grabbed the pillow from his head and threw it away while it met the ground. He had no choice but to sit beside me on the bed. He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on them. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Us!"

It took us a moment of silence before he answered. He slowly held his eyes on me and didn't even smile which is new to me because he always has a grin when he looks at me. "There's no us. And there would never be an us."

"How can you say so?"

"Come on! Do you even need to ask me? You got a boyfriend... he's older than us."

"Peter, for the last time, when you speak without conviction, I know that your words are not from the heart. You're right though but I know that it isn't the main reason you believe that there would never be an us." I know him well and I can tell whether he's telling me the truth about himself or not. I've been saying it to myself over and over so he wouldn't be able to fool me.

"If I tell you-" I already knew what he was going to say. As he always does.

"Yes! I would believe you, I will try to understand."

"Charlie..."

"Just tell me-" He cut off my words.

"Because I don't want to hurt you!"

"Hurt me?"

"Yes, I know I would hurt you. My dad could kill me anytime he wants to and I know it would be hard for you. I don't want to be the one who breaks your heart because of my death! When I die after telling you I love you, I know it would be hard so I don't want you to feel pain just because of me!"

"Peter, don't say that." I leaned closer to him and opened my arms as I rested them on him. I tapped his back as he kept staring at the wind passing us by. "Everybody dies. I will die soon. Don't you dare even think about it? Peter, I love you so much! And nothing could ever change that no matter how hard I try to hide it. The truth will always stay the same. You won't die; not now, not as long as I'm alive, never as long as I'm with you."

I might even be the one to leave him before he leaves me. No one knows what's going to happen next in our lives. I might be a Miss Universe in the future, or I might get hit by a car, Peter's dad might get arrested, or might die, and he might be free from him. or maybe I could die anytime soon. Nothing in this world is to be sure of.