HIP #2: Summer Of Love

Chapter 42

After confessing about what he was expecting his dad to do, it made me think that he knows him well, and knows his moves. I still can't believe that after all these years that I've been hiding what I truly feel for him, he feels the same way and does the same thing. Out of all my confusion and thoughts, I can't help staring at the ceiling above me. I know that they're all waiting for me but I don't care anymore. I don't want to go there with my teary eyes.

I left Peter as he said so. After he answered my question about why he thought we were impossible to work out, he then asked for me to leave him and be happy with Shane and Britney. But I can't do that after he confessed a huge thing to me. It's like ignoring all the things he said.

For now, I want to let them sink into my mind so that I can process them later on and could get back to my normal mood. I wonder what he's doing now that I'm away from him. I kept my hands on my belly as I closed my eyes and tried to listen carefully to the words and melody of the song playing. I bet he's doing the same thing: listening to our favorite artist, Taylor Swift.

Whenever I'm sad, this is what I do and I know this is what he's doing too. It's sad to think that he's right: we can't work out. Maybe as friends and nothing more, nothing less. That's it. Just friends. I have a boyfriend, I'm scared to break his heart and I'm scared to love again after it. Yet though I know the truth, I still try. Nothing's wrong with that, right? I'm trying to hold on even if it's wrong, I'm trying to make us work out, I'm trying to keep him by my side. This is how life works. Sometimes you're at the top and sometimes you're at the bottom. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Not all the time happiness exists.

I turned the other way and used my hands as a pillow. The music kept playing on. This is the feeling I've never told anyone before but myself and now, him. I told him I love him; this is the only mistake that I don't regret doing. He's the reason why my motto in life is you can't get everything you want, so be realistic. I opened my eyes after hearing knocks on the door. "Charlie, are you in there?" I immediately recognized Shane's voice followed by Britney saying, "where are you, girl?"

I stood up and walked toward the door as I held the knob and unlocked it. I never locked the door like this before. "Hey!" They both greeted.

There I went again and faked another smile so they won't see that something was wrong. "Are you okay?" I immediately nodded after Shane asked me that.

"No, you're not okay." Britney interrupted and both of them rushed inside. I locked the door and watched them sit on my bed. I leaned my back on the door and we caught each other's eyes. "Chance has been waiting for you for an hour already, he's not eating yet because he said he wants to have dinner with you!"

Another fake smile came out of my lips and I chuckled a bit. "Sorry, I just... I just... I just had to use the bathroom... it was... emergency." At the moment, my mind is too empty to think of some alibis that I can use. I'm running out of words to describe what I feel.

"You don't need to explain." Shane lied with her hands in the air.

"I know it has to do something about Peter, right?" There, Britney caught me. Did she read my mind?

"Umm, what are you talking about?" Charlie, what the heck? They already know what's going on and you still act dumb? So my subconscious is on their side?

"Come on, girl! We heard you screaming at each other. You won't scream for no reason!" That far, they heard me?

"Did Chance hear me?"

"He was in the bathroom." I sighed in relief. At least...

"Go ahead, tell us what happened."

I rushed to the bed and lay beside Shane. Before speaking, I closed my eyes and tried to recall all the crap that happened.

"Peter got jealous when he saw how sweet I and Chance were earlier. He confessed how he feels and I did the same. He said he thinks we're too far from working out."

"It's like I'm listening to an old cliché romance podcast." I'm not sure if I would laugh or I would slap Shane with that sarcastic sentence but I don't feel like doing anything now that I'm all set up to sleep.

"I'm serious."

"Proceed," Britney said.

"That's all."

"And you're crying about it?" Asked Shane.

"Girl, you're cheating on Chance by that!" Britney interrupted.

"I know! That's the reason why I'm crying over it. Being in a relationship with him makes me think that loving Peter is a bad thing and a bad idea."

"Go where your feelings take you."

"It's not that easy!"

"Why is that?"

"Because I don't want to break anyone's heart. If I choose Chance, it would break Peter's heart which is already broken. I don't want to be another one to break him when he's already a crumpled piece of paper. Chance doesn't deserve to get his heart broken by me too. He has been a good boyfriend ever since we began dating." That was what I was thinking all night long. The thought of being a girl breaks a boy's heart.

After stating those words, silence entered. It was a moment of sighing and awkwardly staring at each other. Seems like no one knows what I should do next. "I guess lock things up for yourself so no one's heart would be broken. Neither yours." Then that would be being selfish.

Wrong timing.

I fell in love with Peter before. Back then I used to make my feelings vanish for him and I succeeded. This time, I'm trying to do the same thing. I want to stop what is this thing that I feel for him. but I don't think I can do it.