𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 | Matt Sturniolo

Thirty Two

Venus woke up with a pounding headache, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut in hope to relieve some tension. A trail of black ran down her cheeks down to her neck like a dying river vein, the uncomfortable sticky sensation of dried up tears making her feel unclean. The obnoxious fluffy alarm clock she had bought at a thrift shop a few years ago flashed the time rudely in her face. The girl groaned as she read '4:32PM' ; she had slept for 14 hours yet fatigue still followed her like a dog. She sat up in bed, adjusting the large hoodie she wore, it was a black ransom hoodie she stole from Matt a few weeks prior.

She knew she had to get up but couldn't bring herself to move her weak legs away from the comfort and warmth her duvet brought her. A sigh left her as she laid back down, grabbing her phone from her bedside table, squinting at the bright light.

The clock shone '8:26 PM' in bold white letters; a quick 4 hours passed by. The girl got up, walked to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of water and strolled to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Venus glanced at herself in the mirror, grimacing at the sight of the dark circles around her eyes and the irritating tiny spots that never left her forehead.

She lifted her hoodie to look at her waist. She seemed to be obsessed with that one part of her body for a while now. Her perspective always deceiving her as she stared in her own eyes telling herself how much potential was wasted through this one part of her body. Completely oblivious to the beauty she had that all her friends and supporters thought her to be. In the flood of compliments, all the positive comments she would receive on her posts never changed the way she would talk to the girl in the mirror; the one negative comment hindering her sight and that was all she could see.

A similar thought sounding in the back of her head, repeatedly saying how much she wished she was different. Why didn't she have the effortless hourglass figure that had everyone in a chokehold? Why did she have to be born with a wider rib cage? She was slim, some may even call her underweight but because of the diameter of the skeleton, the bones she was born with, the appearance of the tiny waists you see in your daily Instagram scroll was absent. She hated herself.

Venus watched as the hoodie left her grip, falling back down hiding what she hated most. A temporary solution to a long term problem. Bringing her hands to the mess her hair was, she simply replaced the existing bun with a new one unbothered to brush it out since her textured hair would only cause her more grief if she did. She brushed her teeth and washed her face with cold water, instantly making her feel clearer. She dragged herself back to her room, allowing her legs to reroot and entangle themselves in the addicting warmth of her bedsheets. Her only source of comfort, wrapping itself around her body like a tight hug. The girl found solace in her bed, learning how to find peace by lying by herself quietly.

Laylah was with Chris and Divina was staying in her parents house for the next week, leaving Venus to herself in the empty apartment. It wasn't like she was being left out, in fact she seemed to have a pattern: every so often she'd decline invitations to social events or even just hanging out with her best friends. She wanted to isolate herself, allowing the intoxicating feeling to take over her. 'It's for the best', she told herself but that wasn't true.

Her friends were constantly worried for her, she had been failed by so many people in her life and it seemed to Venus that the more she tried, the more it seemed to backfire. The least they could do was support and be an ear for her to talk to when she'd get like this.

The fluffy clock read '02:11 AM' only another couple hours flying by without her knowledge but this time sleep never came and she lay awake, restless as her mind never left her at peace.

Three days went by quickly, the girl following the same routine every day, only changing the oversized shirt that hung over her. Laylah had tried to get her to leave the house but failed every time with Venus giving a poor excuse as to why she couldn't. 'I'm not feeling good, the weathers shitty, it's too late' and 'I'm tired, go without me,' were phrases that were beginning to become familiar with Laylah. Divina had come over a few times to check up on the girl too. Nothing was helping and no one knew what triggered her to fall into such a spiral, not even Venus.