Arkansas: Could you please behave with Texas this time?
Oklahoma: I promise I'll be very civil.
Enters kitchen
Texas: Oklahoma, I should have known you were here. I was wondering why the magnets in the fridge rearranged themselves into a pentagram.
Oklahoma: Texas, care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.
Arkansas: facepalm
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Florida: We have to stay cool. It's like my mom always used to say: If a cop handcuffs you to a bike rack, there's always something you can gnaw through.
North Carolina: Your mom... always... said that?
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Texas: God, how much food is in there? This could feed twelve people.
South Carolina: Excuse me, I've seen you eat.
Texas: Fine, six
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West Virginia: I don't know what the big deal Is. It's just roadkill.
Kentucky: It's not just roadkill. It's Virginia. And you hit him with your car.
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Arkansas: We need to talk about your inability to open up emotionally.
Texas, leaning out a window: Wow, it sure would be a shame iF SOMEONE SHOT ME IN THE HEAD RIGHT NOW.
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Oklahoma: Just for a second, I need you to imagine that we're friends.
Texas: I can't do it.
Oklahoma: Friendly?
Texas: Equally as challenging
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Virginia, walking into his house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Maryland: Hey.
North Carolina: Hi.
West Virginia: Hello.
Kentucky: Hey!
Virginia: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
DC: We were out of Doritos.
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Florida: Time for plan G.
Tennessee: Don't you mean plan B?
Louisiana: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. We had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
South Carolina: What about plan D?
Florida: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Georgia: What about plan E?
Louisiana: We're hoping not to use it. Texas dies in plan E.
Oklahoma: I like plan E.
---------------
Tennessee: Hey is everyone d-
South Carolina: Disappointed with life?
Louisiana: Distressed?
Georgia: Dead inside?
Florida: Down with murder?
Arkansas: Delusional?
Texas: Depressed?
Tennessee: Done with your work-what is wrong with y'all???
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Virginia: If everyone is done being stupid—
Florida: I had more, but go ahead.
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Florida, reaching out to Alabama: Alright, pay up.
Alabama, handing over the money: I can't believe I lost!
Louisiana, to Florida: what was the bet?
Florida: oh there wasn't one.
Florida: but Al didn't know that, and I didn't want to pay for lunch
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Tennessee: While I'm gone, Texas, you're in charge.
Texas: Yes!!!
Tennessee, whispering: Virginia, you're secretly in charge.
Virginia: Obviously.
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Texas, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Florida, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Louisiana, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!!!
Kentucky, trembling: What are we playing
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Mississippi: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Florida: They do.
Alabama: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?
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Arkansas: I'm so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.
Mississippi: Uh, Oklahoma and Texas are not getting along.
Arkansas: They're not trying to kill each other.
Mississippi: You may have a point.
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Texas, driving Florida and Louisiana: So how was your day?
Florida: We almost got surprise adopted!
Texas: What?
Louisiana: We almost got kidnapped.
Texas: Oh, okay.
Texas: slams on the breaks WAIT WHAT?!
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West Virginia: This is bothering me.
Kentucky: Well you are digging up a body.
West Virginia: No that's pretty par for the course actually.
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South Carolina: If you can't handle me at my worst-
South Carolina: Then you probably can't handle me at my best because it's not much better.
South Carolina: also if I'm having a bad hair day
South Carolina: or if it's too dry outside and I'm annoyed....
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Virginia: I said no West.
West Virginia: You-!
West Virginia: How much money would I have to put in the swear jar if I said-
West Virginia: whispers to Kentucky
Kentucky: Oh that's gonna cost you 50 dollars.
West Virginia, checking pockets: I can't afford it.
Virginia and Kentucky: trying to keep straight faces
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Mississippi: I'm gonna need a human skull, but I can't have you ask any questions why.
Louisiana, pulling out a bag: Only if you also don't ask why. Take your pick!
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The group is getting into the car
Arkansas: I'm driving.
Texas, out of view: Shotgun!
Oklahoma, turning to face Texas: Aww! But you had it on the way here-
Everyone except Texas: WOAH-
Texas, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! Pumps gun
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Tennessee: God, give me patience.
Texas: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Tennessee: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
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Virginia: Come on Mary, no one thinks Kentucky is my brother
Maryland, turning to the South: Alright, put your hand up if you thought Kentucky was Virginia's brother
Everyone raises their hand
Virginia: Kentucky, put your hand down
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Alabama: are you... Talking to yourself?
Mississippi: Yes
Alabama: Why?
Mississippi: it's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation around here
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DC: Am I in trouble?
Maryland: Take a guess
DC: No?
Gov: Take another guess
YOU ARE READING
Welcome to the Statehouse/Table Oneshots and Headcanons
FanfictionA place for me to put my shorter oneshots that I can't justify as standalone pieces and my headcanons for the different states. Goes into the shenanigans of the Statehouse, the angst, and some of the ships.
