California, to Texas: There is something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss?
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Gov: what happened to your back Florida, it's covered in scratches
Florida, thinking back to the racoon that Gov told him to leave alone:
Florida: I'm having an affair
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Virginia and Massachusetts skipping stones on the ocean:
Virginia: It's a beautiful night.
Massachusetts, under his breath: Take that you facking sea.
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Stranger at the bar, gesturing towards Indiana: Is this man bothering you?
Alabama, rolling his eyes: Yeah but he's my husband so I signed up for this.
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Florida: Relationships are 50/50. Gov cooks me dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.
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Florida: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room!
Massachusetts: Ew, no, I'm not kissing any of you losers
Virginia walks in
Massachusetts: Fine, I'll do it I mean rules are rules you know
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Arizona unbuttoning shirt: God it's so hot in here
New Mexico: I know that but why are you unbuttoning my shirt?
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Montana: [Rolls over in bed and knees Wyoming in the ribs]
Wyoming: Ow
Wyoming: You kneed me
Montana, sleepily: Yeah I do need you
Wyoming: [flustered]
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New Hampshire: I'm going to take you out.
Vermont: Great, it's a date!
New Hampshire: I meant that as a threat.
Vermont: See you at five!
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Gov: I do sort of like it when New York is rude to me. Hopefully that's more of a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.
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Alaska: Are you in love with Wyoming?
Montana, sweating: ...no...
Alaska: Then why do you carve M+W everywhere?
Montana, trying to sound badass: It stands for murder and women.
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Kentucky, drunk off his ass, leaning against the doorframe: Oh Tenn! Fancy running into you here,,
Tennessee: This is my house.
Kentucky, winking slowly: What a coincidence, mine too,,
Tennessee, sighing: It's not a coincidence. We're married.
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Gov: would you still love me if i was a worm?
New York: no
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Washington: just to be sure ... Are you asking me romantically or platonically?
Oregon, down on one knee with a ring: are you fucking kidding me
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Washington: Sorry we're late. Oregon and I... ah... had a car accident.
Nevada: That's a lie, you were having sex. I can tell by Oregon's hair.
Nevada, to Oregon: You are so lazy. Can't you ever be on top for once?
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Mississippi: Now, let's say you haven't eaten for days and you're in desperate need of a sandwich. What do you do?
Alabama: Easy. I walk over to Indie and ask him to make me a sandwich.
Mississippi: Okay, yes. But Indiana's not there.
Alabama: Where's Indiana?
Mississippi: It's not important where he is. He's gone. He left the country.
Alabama: He left the country?! Why? Is he okay?!
Mississippi: Yes, he's fine.
Alabama: Well, if he's fine, I don't see why he can't make me a sandwich!
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California: Alaska, what's the meaning of life?
Alaska: Hawaii
California: why, because you love her?
Alaska: no, because life is short
Hawaii: spits out her drink laughing
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Massachusetts: Virginia texted me "your adorable" so I texted him back "No, YOU'RE adorable."
PA: And?
Massachusetts: And now we're dating. We've been on six dates. All I did was point out a typo, but I like him so I'm not gonna say anything.
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Wyoming: I can't move. Montana is asleep on me.
Idaho: Just push him off?
Wyoming: [Enraged and offended]
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New Jersey, mumbling: I really want to kiss you.
Rhode Island: what?
New Jersey: I said if you die I won't miss you!!
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Alabama: Why is Mississippi crying on the floor.
Arkansas: He's drunk.
Alabama: ...And?
Arkansas: He saw a picture of CDC's boyfriend.
Alabama: ....But he's CDC's boyfriend???
Arkansas: I know.
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Virginia: Mass, Mass do the thing!
Massachusetts: Genuinely smiles
Virginia, breathlessly: Oh my god...
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Connecticut: So what's it like dating Rhode Island?
New Jersey: Once I asked him for water when he was pissed at me. He brought me a glass of Ice and said "wait"
New Jersey: I love him.
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Rhode Island: Your existence is confusing.
New Jersey: How so?
Rhode Island: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me.
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(In the 1800s)
Oklahoma: kisses Arkansas's cheek
Arkansas: What was that?
Oklahoma: Affection
Arkansas: Disgusting.
Oklahoma:
Arkansas: Do it again.
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New York: Our boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?
Florida: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.
Louisiana: Kick him in the shin.
Texas: NO TO BOTH OF THOSE. JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN?
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New Jersey, about Rhode Island: My boyfriend is washing the dishes and I just heard him say "Who do you work for? Who's your contact?", while repeatedly pushing a glass under water. At least, he's having fun?
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New York: I'm a piece of trash.
California: As someone who cares deeply about the enviroment, I'm obligated to pick you up. Is seven okay?
New York: You smooth piece of shit yes seven is perfect!
YOU ARE READING
Welcome to the Statehouse/Table Oneshots and Headcanons
FanfictionA place for me to put my shorter oneshots that I can't justify as standalone pieces and my headcanons for the different states. Goes into the shenanigans of the Statehouse, the angst, and some of the ships.
