All in the Game

Chapter twenty-nine || Panic attack

𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 

My thoughts are all jumbled I can't think straight, can't move. I sit in front of a place I call home temporarily and try to make sense of the mess that is my life. It's doing this that has me realizing I'm in way over my head and have no idea how to fix things. 

It starts to pour so I head inside. Lucy's not home and I'm happy for it. I'm not sure if she's been told anything, even if she hasn't I'm not ready for her to stumble upon me and see the state I'm in. She will know straightaway that something is up, and I'll have to be the one to tell her what happened. 

Grabbing a glass out of a nearby cabinet I fill it with water and gulp half of it down. My mind replaying every single detail, every harsh word Abby threw at me. Hell, I deserved every single one after how irresponsible I was. 

The glass slips from my hands, glass and water going everywhere. Falling to the ground something sharpe jabs my hand. But I'm too lost in my thoughts to give a fuck. 'He, is the reason my son is in here.' She said pointing an accusing finger my way. 

My chest tightens at the memory and I become acutely aware that I can no longer breathe. 'How could you? After I trusted you." She will never trust you again. A voice in my head tells me. Fuck I already know that! I wanted to scream at myself, the world. 

The tightness in my chest is making it harder and harder for me to breathe. What the hell is wrong with me? 

Abby couldn't even look at me in the end. Gasping no air reaches me and I'm two seconds away from reaching for my phone when I hear. "Nathan?" Lucy comes into my line of sight dropping to her knees, her hands rest on my shoulders. "You have to breathe Nathan." 

Shaking my head I tell her, "I can't...I can't breathe." 

"You are going to have to take a deep breath," she does so herself like I'm a little kid who needs instructions. "And the we are going to count together." Taking in a deep breath like she told me she begins counting. "One." I count in my head scared my voice will betray me. 

Once I've already left Abby. 

"Two."

Twice I've proven to her of how irresponsible I can be. 

"Three." 

Third times the charm, right? 

"Now breathe out." Lucy tells me so I do. My chest already feeling ten times better, and I'm breathing normally again at least for now. "What was that?" 

"A panic attack you used to get them all the time when you were younger." A panic attack? I think I would remember if I used to have those. Remembering what gave me one in the first place, I bring my hand to my forehead and Lucy gasps. "Nathan Scott what the hell! You are bleeding give me your hand." She demands. 

Giving it to her she sucks in a breath examining my hand. A shard of glass sticks out of my palm making the blood pour out like a waterfall. "What the hell happened?" Staring I try to hide my expression from her so she can't see the panic in my face, but it's no use she sees something in my eyes. Some fear or pain that I can't get rid of. 

"Let's get you cleaned up then the two of us are going to have a chat." After she cleans up the mess of broken glass, water, and blood. She carefully removes the piece of glass stuck in my hand, cleans the cut, and wraps my hand. 

We sit together at the kitchen table Lucy staring deep into my soul. "Ok, spill what happened?" 

"I'm the worst father in the world!" Lucy stares at me appalled. I tell myself it's because she hasn't yet heard the news. "I didn't mean for it to happen. But it did and now it's changed everything."