All in the Game

Chapter thirty-two || I love you...not

𝐀𝐛𝐛𝐲 

Lucy's little house is the farthest from town. And unlike almost every house in Magnolia creek it doesn't have a view of the beach. It's a very unlike Lucy house, while the house is secluded she's an outgoing person. Which makes me wonder if this house was more for her late husband–Nate's grandfather than her?

Pulling into the driveway the house looks deserted. If it weren't for Nathan's old black pickup truck that used to belong to his grandpa I'd think it was. Nathan left it here when he left for Wilmington, I'm glad he's using it again. It was his prized possession before he owned Benny of course. 

Getting out of the car, knocking on the front door of Lucy's house and wait for someone to answer. When no one does I head to the backyard, as I get closer and closer, I hear laughter coming from Nathan and the boys. 

It reminds me of that one good day. Before we gave into our feelings, and before everything went to shit. With the water fight and joyful laughter that's a day I want to remember forever. I think that's the day I realized we could make things work again; I was just too scared to admit it. 

"Looks like y'all are having a ton of fun." I say looking around at the homemade water slide that I'm positive Nathan came up with. They run to me in their wet swim clothes going on and on about all the fun they've had with nana and daddy. 

A smile works its way onto my face. I catch a glimpse of Nathan washing Benny down with a water hose. His eyes find mine and he looks away quickly. "Why don't we go get you boys cleaned up?" Lucy says leading them into the house.

Standing there for longer than a minute waiting for him to come to me when he doesn't, I go to him. "Thank you for taking them today." 

"No problem," he doesn't even glance my way as he says this. "How...is everything?" Shaking my head i tell him, "no the damage was too much, and I decided to just let it go." 

James must have called to warn him about the damages to the building. After all Nathan is the one who bought it for me. "Do they know how it happened?" 

"Something to do with faulty electrical lines."

We stand there in silence for what feels like forever after that. It shouldn't be this hard, for two people who have so much history together we shouldn't  find it this hard to speak to each other. It was a mistake and I'm willing to forgive him, if he would just acknowledge that it happened instead of wishing it away. 

"Abby I–"

The boys come running out of the house in clean clothes. "I should probably get them home." Nathan nods and we don't say anything as he walks us back to my car, or as we work together to put them into their car seats. I wish he would just get it over with, say the words that are on his mind so that we can finally have the hard conversation, and make amends. 

"I'm sorry," he says finally breaking the silence. "I'm just so sorry for everything. It was my fault and I have regretted it ever since." There's so much truth behind those words I'm beginning to wonder if he's talking about recent events or before, or maybe even a combination of them both. 

Placing my hand on his muscular arm I say, "what happened Saturday was a mistake that honestly any parent could have made." He sucks in a breath and I don't miss how tense he's become. Aware of just how close we are I take a careful step back. "Just like it's not your fault about before. Sure, you never bothered to pick up the phone. Or even cared enough to come find me to see why I was even calling. Maybe then you would have known about your sons' allergies." 

He takes a few steps towards me holding his arms out. I must make a sound because he drops them and takes just as many steps backwards. "Abby I never meant to hurt you. And trust me when I tell you this, I spent those four years thinking of you often. So much so that my ex told me after she rejected my marriage proposal that she could tell I was in love, just not with her." 

"Nathan..." 

He falls quiet we both do neither of us wanting to speak. And just when I've worked up enough courage to tell him something so deep from the heart that once I say it, I can't take it back, he goes and ruins everything by blurting out, "I was offered a position of assistant coach for my old team." 

My stomach clenches and I feel like I'm going to be sick. Why did he have to go and say something like this? He ruined everything. Now I don't know what to say or do. "I haven't made any decisions yet I wanted to consult with you first. Especially now that we're a family–my family." 

His family...

Why would he do this? Why would he put this on me to decide it's his choice to make not mine? Of course, I don't want him to leave again he promised...if he stays we can work things out build our relationship back. That's all I've ever wanted, was for him to come back so the two of us could work thing out. "Wow! That's certainly a lot to think about." 

"You don't have to give me an answer right away, though I did tell coach Chad, I'd have an answer by newt week." 

Next week! Just as I'm about to tell him 'don't go we still need you;I still need you.' I remember what Rosemary told me the night of the party. How I'm the reason Nathan is still holding on to this small town, and why he won't ever take a chance on something amazing. I'm holding him back, and I refuse to be the reason he stays behind and misses out on this amazing opportunity. 

"I think you should take it." 

He looks shocked by my words like he had expected me to say the complete opposite of this. "We'll make it work so that you can still have a relationship with the boys." His lips quiver and I wonder if he's going to ask about our relationship? "That would be nice." He tells me stepping forward slightly he leans down and kisses my forehead. 

He then walks away stopping only to open the car door for me. There's a pit in my stomach and suddenly I can't breathe. Why didn't he say something, anything would be better than this awkward silence. 

And it's not until later once I'm already home, and the boys are down for their nap that I realize this is it me and Nathan are truly done, and that back there was our goodbye to each other. Even though I'm the one who told him to go, who told him to leave it hurts. Now we're just two people who have a history, and kids. That's all we'll ever be to each other and it hurts worse than any break up I've ever had.

That night while lying curled up in a ball in the comforts of my bed, memories comes flying at me from every direction and I can't stop them. Memories of our first date, first kiss, first I love you. All the firsts, and all the memories from the last two months come flooding back and for the first time today I finally let the tears come. 

Memories can hurt you in the worst possible way, and this was me hurting myself all because I told the guy that I love–I love him really truly love him, and I told him to leave. All because I didn't want to be the one to hold him back. 

"Why are you crying mama?" The twins say in unison. 

They must have snuck in here without me noticing. Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I pick them up and place them in the big bed beside me. "It's nothing to worry about. I'm just so happy to have the two of you...and for Nathan." 

"You cry when you're happy?" Ace asks with a confused look on his face. "Yes, baby I do." I lie. It's easier to lie to four year olds than grown ups, grown ups can smell lies from a mile away. Four year olds actually believe the words you say and that's why having two here with me on days like today are good. 

Besides it's easier to lie to them, than confuse them any more by crying over a person I can no longer have. From now on it really will just be me and my boys. And for a moment I tell myself that I wouldn't have it any other way...though that's not true. 

𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷

I feel so bad for Abby how do y'all feel? Stay tuned to find out what happens next week! Unless y'all want me to post twice this week. Just say the word and I'll do it  🫶🏻☺️ 

If you're enjoying my book All in the Game. Please click the star and share your thoughts in the comments. I will update chapters every Wednesday so be on the lookout.–Morgan 💕

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