All in the Game

Chapter thirty-four || One final goodbye

𝐴𝑏𝑏𝑦 

It's true what they say you never realize how much you love someone until they're gone from your life. It's been a week since Nathan left, and so far, things have been...well different. I think of him often, in every little thing that I do. 

When I take Benny out for his afternoon walks, while baking, when tucking the boys in at night and they ask what time it is where daddy is? It's the world's way of getting back at me for telling him to go when I knew damn well I wanted him to stay. 

Is it crazy that I miss him so much? He wasn't a major part of our lives for years, yet now that he's gone it's like a piece of me, of us is missing. I should hate him maybe then all of this would be easier. But no matter how hard I try, or want to there is no possible way to hate Nathan Scott. 

When my phones buzzes I check it immediately hoping it will be him. God I've turned into one of those girls. The ones so obsessed with their boyfriend or crush that they practically wait for the moment they acknowledge their existence. It's pathetic, then again that's what love makes you. A pathetic puddle of emotions just living life day by day hoping that person will call, or text. 

𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧: 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫. 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬.

Sending him a quick thumbs up, and busying myself with chores waiting for him to call. Nathan tries to FaceTime every night if he can. He missed the last two nights due to work stuff. The boys miss him so much already, they've started counting down the days until he comes home like they do for Christmas. 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't do the same. So far it's six months until he's back home with us. Home where he should be, where he would have been if it weren't for me. Some days I wake up wishing he never got his injury, never come back. Then I wouldn't have fallen so hard so fast that way saying goodbye would have been easier. 

Propping the computer open on the coffee table, pausing the Disney movie on the tv which gets a groan from the boys. "Dad's about to call." I tell  them, and they instantly perk up. The call comes moments later and I answer immediately. 

"Daddy guess what I did today?" Ace asks as soon as Nathan comes onto the screen. Laughing he shakes his head. "Why don't you tell me?" 

"Me and Baxter were playing baseball with grandpa and I hit the ball hard, and it went far!" We were all so excited until I remembered Nathan wasn't their to celebrate with us. He already missed out on so much of the boys life, it doesn't seem fair for him to miss more. "That's cool buddy!" His gaze shifts to me, "what about you have you gone back to work?" 

"Now that I'm no longer pursuing my dream, I thought it would be for the best." 

He nods along to every word that I'm saying. His hair is wet from his shower, making it even darker than it already is. He's changed out of his coaches uniform and into his pjs which consisted of sweatpants, and a white short-sleeve shirt. "I don't think you should give up on your dream just yet." 

"Nate..." 

"No, let me finish." He says cutting me off. "It's not fair that I get to follow my dreams. You should do something that you love as well, and baking is what you love." Sighing I say, "it's not that simple." 

"Well, it should be because you would be the best damn baker in all of magnolia creek." The twins let out gasps, and Nathan's eyes widen when he realizes what he's just said. Pressing my lips together so I don't laugh, he starts to apologize multiple times.