Chapter 30

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We weren't even allowed to be outside anymore which made me a bit worried but Nathan told me not to be, because nobody would ever notice and nobody would control that anyways.

It was hella cold outside, because there wasn't even a single cloud on the sky which also allowed us to see every star up there. We didn't know where we wanted to go, so we just walked around on campus, hand in hand. Nathan's grip was tight and firm, but it didn't hurt or anything. We didn't talk the whole time, we just enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere out there, without anybody else being on campus.

When we walked closer towards the main building, we saw that there was still light in one room, which Nathan figured out was the photography classroom. I felt like a detective or something when we decided to hide somewhere to see who was in there. After a while, two people came out- Mr. Jefferson and, of course, Victoria Chase. I was pretty sure that they were hiding something and this time, I figured out what it was.

"Thanks for helping me putting together a portfolio, Mark." Victoria said and Mr. Jefferson shook his head. "Stick to Mr. Jefferson. And do not tell anybody that we've been in school when we shouldn't." "Oh, I won't. If you do me a favor." He sighed and I was very curious. "I won't tell if my picture, which we all know is the best anyways, will win the contest. Otherwise, I might have to tell people you offered to choose my photo for favors or something..." Victoria was such a little bitch. If she would've been more confident, she wouldn't have had to say something like that. "As a favor to your future, I'll ignore that undisguised threat." Victoria didn't seem quite happy which made me smile. "This conversation is officially over, Ms. Chase, I suggest you go back to your dorm now." With that Mr. Jefferson walked away. "Wait, I only..." Victoria shouted after him, but then she stopped. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Then she walked away as well and Nathan and I stopped hiding.

"I can't believe what just happened." Nathan said shocked. I had to hold back a deep smile coming from my soul, because I saw that Nathan really didn't feel well. "Wanna go back to your room?" I asked him and he nodded sadly. I actually felt sorry now.

Back in his room, Nathan closed the door and sat down on the edge of his bed. "Can I tell you something?" He asked and I sat next to him. "Of course." I answered calmly. "I... I had a little panic attack when we heard Victoria and Mr. Jeffeson talk. I hoped that you wouldn't notice.", Nathan told me and I saw a tear in his eyes. I didn't know what to say so I stayed quiet and stroke his back slightly. "Why did you hope that?" I asked after a while of thinking. "It's happening when I... don't take... my meds." I remembered seeing the pills earlier and suddenly I understood. "I have a problem. A big one. I went to a psychiatrist, but..." He suddenly stopped and sighed. "Hey... it's okay Nathan. You can talk to me. You can trust me." I tried to calm him down, at least a bit. "My parents refused to send me there again. They just told me to... take my pills and everything will work out in the end." I didn't completely understand what he told me, so I didn't say anything in response.

"I have mental illnesses!", Nathan said upset as he saw that I was a bit confused and I felt tears coming up in my eyes. "Nathan, you... you could've told me earlier. Why didn't you..." "I didn't want you to leave as well." Nathan almost shouted, interrupting me. "Everybody... everybody left as soon as they found out. Why would it be different with you?" His voice changed from angry and enraged to worried and sad. "Because I love you, Nathan." I told him. "And I care about you. I'd never leave you for that. It isn't your fault." He looked up, right into my eyes. "So you... won't go now?" He asked. "Do you want me to?" I responded, slightly smiling. "No, of course not!" Nathan said worriedly and then sniffed. I had to chuckle. "Don't worry. I won't go. As I said, you didn't decide to have problems. Everybody has problems. And I could help you, if you want." I told him, whiping a tear out of his face. "Thank you so, so fucking much. You know what?" I shook my head. "It became better when I was with you. You calm me down, only... my muscles spasms. They didn't get better when I forgot to take the pills. That's also a reason why Drew North always calls me 'Twitch'." I knew Drew North. I've seen him on campus multiple times and he seemed like a typical athlet. I didn't like him.

I took a deep breath and hugged Nathan and he pulled me closer to him. "Thank you... for listening. And caring, I guess. I'm not used to that" He said. "I think I should listen to the whale songs now." He said and I looked at him, confused. "They calm me down as well. Wanna cuddle?" I nodded and wanted to take off my clothes when Nathan threw one of his shirts and pants towards me. "You can wear that. Don't want you to be cold." I put on his clothes and lay down in his bed next to him. He was having his headphones on and began to breath more slowly when he pulled me closer and at some point, I fell asleep in the arms of my boyfriend. 

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