Only Fools

Chapter Forty Five

Today I woke up with a smile on my face, as cliche as that sounds.

After our date yesterday, Margot and I stayed up and talked on the phone about anything we could think of, mostly nonsense, until we fell asleep.

So, I didn't necessarily wake up with a smile on my face, but I did wake up to an ongoing phone call with Margot on the other end which I had to quickly end before I woke her up. That put a smile on my face.

That smile stayed on my face during my entire car ride to school as a mix of poppy love songs played in the background, the type of songs that used to annoy me with how easy they made love seem, where Taylor Swift sang about paper rings and Harry Styles recalled his time under the canyon moon.

At some point this morning, I subconsciously made the decision to only focus on the positive parts of yesterday, given that they far outnumbered and overwhelmed the negative anyways.

Margot and I had some serious conversations and now we're better for it. We had an amazing time and now I genuinely feel happy. My worries about cheer practice, upcoming tests, and anything else are suddenly overshadowed by the simple fact that I get to see Margot today.

It's so fucking cheesy and I hate myself a little bit for even realizing this, but I actually walked through the front doors of my school with a small smile today, and I couldn't just not analyze why such an abnormality occurred.

"You're awfully chipper," Tori groans at me after one glance in my direction.

"I am," I confirm as I slide into my desk. Tori narrows her eyes at my response.

"What drugs are you on, and why aren't you sharing?" Tori hisses at me.

"Nothing. I'm just in a good mood," I reveal with a shrug. Tori scoffs at my response.

"Nice try. It's not even 8am yet. Only a psychopath could smile at this hour," Tori argues.

"Good morning, class!" Mr. Todd ambles into the classroom with a smile on his face.

"And look who arrived just to prove my point," Tori points out. I just provide her with a rather deadpanned look in response.

"Ok. Maybe not psycho, but the man chose to teach calculus to fucking high schoolers for a living!"

"And...."

"And I made my point?"

"Whatever Tori," I say with a small laugh.

"Ok. No drugs. So something happened," Tori concludes.

"I-" I cut myself off because I'm not even entirely sure what I was going to say. Tori doesn't know about Margot. Tori doesn't even know that I'm not straight. I call her one of my closest friends and yet....

The guilt that floods through me wipes the smile clean off of my face.

"Whoah. You ok?" Tori asks, instantly noticing my change in expression.

"Um, yeah. I'll tell you about it in seventh hour?" I ask, knowing that it's the next class that we have together, a ceramics class that's pretty much an easy A as long as you minimal demonstrate effort.

"Yeah. For sure," Tori confirms, the worry not quite leaving her eyes as they scan my face for any more clues about what made my mood shift so suddenly.

Even as Margot enters the classroom, the smile doesn't quite reach my face again. My heart does drop in a strange way, but I can't actually escape the guilt that engulfed me moments before.

"What's up?" Margot mouthes to me as she slides into her seat behind me, seemingly taking note of my current expression.

I open my mouth to respond with "nothing", to just try and brush it off, only for her to likely ask about it later because she really does know me better than that. So why tell her something that she won't even buy as the truth?