OFF-SIDE

𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖞-𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊

Octavia
I've been staring at the ceiling for minutes if not hours, it's been four days since the truth unraveled beneath our hands, it's been four days since I lost my father, again, I still can't believe everything, I really can't, so I think I've been living in denial for days now, but it still doesn't feel like I'm in denial because I'm actually aware of it, goddamn it.

I startle when I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn around to find my brother, a very unexpected brother if we're being honest, Brendan stares at me, and I can't quite figure out what's in his expression, is it pity? Guilt? I don't even know, he clears his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing, "here." He says as he hands me a granola bar, I eye it then toss it on the bed beside me.

"Octavia-you have to eat, you can't go back to-" he says but I stop him "it's not that Brendan, I just don't have a fucking appetite." I say trying to reassure him and just let him leave me alone, he sighs heavily and blink a couple of times before dropping to the mattress beside me, "I'm sorry about the way that I've been treating you." He says so suddenly and I swallow the lump forming in my throat.

I would've never expected him to say such thing, and especially not right now, I stare up at him for a while before finally opening my mouth "Why? Why now?" I ask tears shadowing my view of him, turning him blurry, I wipe them away angrily, hating how I can't stop myself, I can't control anything anymore, he stares at anything but my direction, "I never realized that you lost him too, I never realized that you were hurting too, you were just better at hiding it than I was." He's talking about Chris, He smiles weakly at me and locks our fingers together.

"I miss him." I say softly I don't think he even heard me, tears fall freely, My old self would be so happy that Brendan finally forgave me, for something I didn't do, but my current self is disappointed, Did all of this had to happen for him to just finally talk to me? To finally realize what's obvious? To realize that I've been hurting all this time just like him? "I miss him too you know." He says quietly pulling me out of my thoughts, he slowly brings my face to his and plants a kiss on my forehead, then grabs the granola bar and throws it in my direction, "eat, kiddo." He says going back to the nickname he used to call me six years ago, it took him six years to finally get over his grief and look forward, and I wonder if the same is gonna happen to me this time, it's just too much, it's overwhelming.

Yes I went through this once, not just with dad, but with mom too, and Chris, now even the person I had left turned out to be the reason we're in this hell, he's the reason we had to go through all that shit alone, just the five of us, or at least we were five anyways, now we're just four, some hollow souls that were distended to be together.

***

I slowly open my eyes, and realize that I've fallen asleep at some point, I grab the clock off the drawer and check the time,since my phone is still missing, 04:56, I internally groan, I've been asleep for over 3 hours then, I sit up slowly and I almost have a heart attack when I notice that someone is sitting on the couch next to me, "oh my god." I mutter under my breath and eye the guy that wasn't able to leave my mind through those last four days, not that I'd ever admit that out loud.

"Hey, sweetheart." He says softly, his voice gentle sending shivers down my spine, just from his random "sweethearts" that drop every now and then, he stands up and sits beside me on the mattress, "do we have to go out? For the media I mean?" I ask stupidly, he raises a brow "no shit Octavia you're staying here and if we're gonna leave it's not gonna be because you "Have" to, it's gonna be because you want to." He says softly caressing the back of my hand, "you're not gonna talk, right?" He asks quietly then slowly grins at me.

And just like that, a smile slowly spreads on my face and his grin widens "so I'm gonna tell you about every thing that's happened lately okay? Okay I'm not taking no for an answer." He says then holds up a finger as my smile widens "ok so I finally read mom's chapters and honestly I loved them so much, she's been working too hard for her new book, and also Layla is considering something, for her to finally be able to quit modeling but we're still discussing the topic, aaaand they hired a new coach and let me tell you that guy smells like...." He stops and press his lips in a thin line as if he's stopping himself from laughing
"I swear to got he smells like shit octavia."

It doesn't take long for me to burst out laughing with him, and for a moment I get lost in all of this, I get lost on the way his green eyes shine with happy tears as he continues giggling, or the way his cheeks creep with a pink beautiful color, he's blushing, or the way his hair is tousled in gorgeous waves, he probably realizes that I'm studying his every moment because he stops laughing, his full lips parted as he stares at me.

We stay like that for a moment before he opens his mouth a couple of times then closes it "fuck you're-you're so beautiful." He says , his voice so soft then swallows heavily, his chest heaving with faster rises "sometimes it hurts to look at you." He says, something flashes across his expression and I can't figure out what it is, a knock on the door causes us both to startle away and turn, Adrian slowly leans against the door, crossing his hands over his chest and raising a brow at us, "Am I interrupting something, darling?" He asks winking at Nash just like he did when we were on the plane.

Nash clenches his jaw before glaring at him "fuck off." He says and Adrian raises his hands in defense,
"Someone is here for you." He tells him then faces me "you too." my brows furrow, "who is it?" As soon as I ask, a beautiful curly haired woman come in with her husband, Victoria and Nikolai.

"Hey." Victoria says softly smiling at us, her dimples making an appearance, Nash's brows shoot up "how the hell are you here?" He asks and Nikolai's face lights up with a smirk, "I have my ways." He says raising a brow at his friend, "hey we can sit outside better." I interrupt their conversation low-key grateful for their appearance, Nikolai nods and Victoria replies "yeah why not?" Giving me another dimpled smile.

***

Nash puts a hand on my lower back as he guides me to the kitchen "what are you doing?" I whisper-yell, out of nowhere he just excused us and left Nikolai and Victoria outside, he holds up his phone and I see my name flashing on the screen, my breath hitches and I stare at him wide eyed "what are you gonna do?" I ask, "I'll answer it." He says and doesn't give me a chance to reply before hitting the accept button.

He puts it on speaker so I can hear "who is this?" Nash talks first, silence, we wait a few moments before I talk "hello?" I ask weirded out, silence, I stare at him waiting for anything, his lips twitch and he ends the call, "what the fuck was that then?" He asks, his brows furrowing, I shake my head just as a text comes up.

Octavia : want to know who I'm? Come tomorrow to the masquerade ball at "la belle" bar, 9:00pm
Octavia : don't play smart cause I'm always step forward ;)

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