OFF-SIDE

𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞-𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗

Octavia
The end is so weird, one minute you're living your best life, the next, everything is falling apart, but that's the thing you know, my end isn't here yet, although it fucking feels like it.

"Get some rest." The same sentence that's been repeated into my ear for the past forty eight hours, I sigh and stare at Cole, whose face is still bruised and got a busted lip, tears form in my eyes the more I stare at him, he brings his chair closer to the bed, and puts a hand on my shoulder, caressing it "you'll be fine sister, you'll survive, you always do." He says in his calm voice, I turn my head to look at Xan who's lying on the couch, he smiles at me and clears his throat "I'm right here." He mouthes and I smile back.

"You'll be okay." Cole repeats and I face him "No, and you know it Cole, stop lying to yourself, stop lying to me" I yell then wince when my side hurts, I'm still...not used to getting shot, well that sounds lovely, "calm. Down." He orders and I glare at him, "how can I calm down when all this mess is happening!" I scream at him, tears streaming down my cheeks.

A knock on the door startles me and we both turn around as a nurse gets in, she's a slim Asian woman with black hair, and she's wearing a genuine smile on her face, "how are you today?" She asks and I fight the urge of crying again, I wipe my tears "oh I'm fine." I say and cole lets out a breath squeezing my hand in his.

"Someone's here for you, sweetie." She says and my brows furrow, she carefully steps outside and moments later the door opens again, Layla comes in slightly smiling at me even though her eyes are bloodshot from crying, "hey." She says before dropping down on the other chair, she looks pale and exhausted, and well that's an understatement.

"How long are Adrian and Nash going to stay there?" I ask my eyelids slightly closing but I open them, "they got the best lawyers Octavia they'll be fine, how are you?" She asks changing the topic, I shake my head "please tell me Layla, you didn't answer the question." I say and tears form in her eyes, "they're trying to prove that killing...mom was just self defense like they did with Cole but something isn't working and they won't tell me." She says softly her voice breaking, I blink away the tears.

The police came and went, they kept asking questions that I don't even remember answering to, how did you get there? Do you remember who took you? Why did you kill Daniel? How is your brother alive? Were you enemies with Helen? And the answer stays the same, I don't know.

Because I genuinely don't, the fact that Chris has been alive all this years is breaking my heart, he's not even the same, he's not my brother anymore, he was the one behind everything, or at least from what I gathered Helen was a huge part of it, and Daniel, I don't even want to imagine how hard it must be for Nash or Layla, she's their mother.

Part of me is blocking out most of the things that happened, they said it's a trauma response, so that means more shit happened, I just don't remember it, every-time I remember the last two days I want to sob, I want to scream, and it's so hard to not wish that I was dead, that the knife actually killed me, she stabbed me in my fucking upper stomach, they said it was right under my heart, a few more inches and I wouldn't have made it, they said I was lucky, lucky ha.

***

I open my eyes slowly, blinking a couple of times before my vision clears, I look at the couch to find a guy sprawled across it, my heartbeats pick up as he runs a hand through his hair and smiles when he sees me, Nash, I let out a breath of relief and he stands up then walks towards the bed, I move a little giving him some space to sit on, he lies down beside me and runs a hand through my hair softly, I open my mouth to say something then close it again, at a loss of words.

"How did it go? How-wait how is Adrian?" I ask my skin itching with concern, he sighs and stares at the floor for a beat "Adrian is okay, he got out but he's dealing with the whole thing." He says and my brows furrow "what is that supposed to mean?" I ask not understanding his point, "he's just dealing with the police and all that investigation shit." He says, "didn't you prove that it was self defense?" I ask trying to sit up but he puts a hand on my shoulder stopping me, "please don't sweetheart." He says his expression softening.

I relax and decide to drop whatever i was talking about, he said Adrian was okay and that's what matters, I just need to see him, "I'm sorry." He says and my head snaps in his direction, "sorry? About what Nash?" I ask my brows furrowing, "I should've noticed it earlier, I knew something was wrong with her but...not that, definitely not that I swear." He whispers, then sighs harshly, "Layla says that a lot has been going on between them, more shit that I can ever imagine, I don't know if I'm ready to hear it Octavia." His voice breaks at the end and I pull him to me, side hugging him.

"I should've protected her, and I should've protected you, you know...when I first read her chapters, I thought that they were sick honestly, like how could someone write that? How could someone think that way?" He says then stops to take a breath, his voice choked and strangled and tears form all over again in my eyes, "but I talked to a couple of writers about it, they said that..it was okay that it's not really the person's way of thinking, they just write like that, and I...I believed them because I knew that I couldn't bear thinking that my mother was ill, she's not just mentally ill Octavia, she's insane." He says and tears stream down his cheeks.

I wipe them away with my finger, he shakes his head and still doesn't look at me, "I'm sorry." He chokes and I swallow hard "look at me." I say trying to sound calm, he shakes his head "no, please." He begs his voice desperate, but I push him "look at me nash." I say again my voice sterner, he faces me with an expression I've never seen before, it's like he's scared that he'll hurt someone, that he'll hurt me, "you deserve someone better than that Octavia, you deserve to be treated better, you deserve someone who can protect you properly sweetheart and I can't even do that, i failed to do so." He says and smiles at me then drops his hand from my hair and shoulder, my heart breaks into a million pieces as realization slowly kicks in, he's breaking up with me, he's leaving.

I shake my head "no, you can't just say that, that's not true nash." I say my voice strangled and weird to my own ears, I hold onto his hand silently begging him to stay, he breathes heavily and stares at our interlocked fingers, "I'll stay tonight, but when you get out Octavia, we'll need to talk." He says softly caressing the back of hand, a voice of me is screaming inside my head to say it, to say everything that I'm feeling, I love you.

But I can't, so I stay silent, and so does he, when the night comes and the dark takes my thoughts away, one thought stays alive, and I sleep that night with my mind praying that the day we're going to talk, never comes.

Ha, so she didn't really die y'all don't kill me.