OFF-SIDE

𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞-𝖋𝖎𝖛𝖊

Octavia
The days went in a fucking second, one day I was in the hospital lying there, the other, they said it was okay if I got out, so I did, I got sick from just laying down in bed, doing nothing, simply being useless.

All of us are here today, they said we needed to celebrate, they said that I should be happy that I survived, and we should make a small party, part of me still wishes that I died that day, but the other part is trying so hard to push those thoughts away, and I think it's kinda working?

"Down to earth, Octavia." Adrian snaps his fingers in front of me, I focus on him and blink "where did you go just then?" He asks raising his hands in the air, I wave a dismissive hand and he sighs, "okay so what I was saying is that my fucking brother is coming tonight, does a text saying that I don't want him here sound rude?" He asks raising a brow, I shake my head and speak "what? Not rude at all, absolutely not." I say, sarcasm heavy in my tone.

He rolls his eyes, "I don't wan-" he starts but his lips part and he stares behind me, I turn to see whatever caught his attention, Layla, she's talking to someone in the hallway and smiling brightly, her hair is tied in a ponytail and she's wearing an off-shoulder yellow sundress, she slowly seems to notice us, then she waves a hand and walks towards us.

I take a quick glimpse at Adrian who clears his throat and grabs his phone quickly like he's already busy texting someone as if he wasn't just obsessing over her, lord have mercy, "heyy, how are you today?" She asks and drops to the couch in front of me, the more I spend time with Layla, the more she proves to me how kindhearted and caring she's.

"I'm okay, better of course." I say and she nods staring at the floor, I put a hand on the back of her shoulder and caress it, "how have you been?" I ask and I can feel Adrian's attention landing on the conversation, see! The fucking traitor, "oh me?" She asks like she's surprised by the question, but then a smile spreads on her face, "I'm okay." She says softly, "thank you for asking." She adds her face shining with light, "you're coming tonight?" Adrian interrupts and she turns to look at him.

She nods "yeah probably, Nash told me about it earlier, I think I'll go with him...if he's not going with you of course." She says then looks at me, I don't know how to answer so Adrian takes over "if they will go together, you can come with me and..Damien." He adds making a face and she smiles, "oh okay then." She replies and he nods still staring at her even as she gets up and leaves, "oh I'm completely fucked." He mutters and I laugh.

***

"Oh babe I'm so sooo sorry that happened to you, I was so worried when Nash told me." Victoria says while hugging me tightly, I lowkey missed her if we're being honest, ok not lowkey I really did miss her, "I'm okay now." I say sighing, "oh I'm glad." She replies smiling brightly, Nikolai appears behind her wearing a black suit, he pulls her back and lands a kiss on her cheek, a pink color creeps on her skin, and her face lights.

Nikolai nods at me then speaks "I'm sorry that happened to you." He says calmly and I smile at him, "thanks." I say before excusing myself and searching for Nash, who dropped me off an hour ago but somehow disappeared, I finally find him with a Glass of whiskey in his hand, he's sprawled across a sofa, "hey you there" he mutters, his voice loose and slurpy, "why are you drinking right now? Don't you think it's still early?" I ask softly and drop beside him.

He sits up and puts a hand around my waist pulling me closer to him, then he drops his head on my shoulder, "you're so beautiful." He mutters and I smile loving the way he's not holding back anything, he slowly sits up, his face carrying a sad expression "what's wrong?" I ask caressing his shoulder, he clears his throat, "I didn't tell you-I wanted to, before you were taken by them and all that, Daniel-he called me." He says and my body goes rigid at hearing his name again.

"What did he say?" I ask casually my heartbeats going crazy in my chest, I take a deep breath not ready to hear the answer, he blinks and looks at me, "I- he said you two slept together, I mean-it's totally fine if you did but-you said that you didn't like him..." he stutters letting the sentence drift off, my chest tightens and my breath comes out harsh, he told him that we slept together, that fuckin- "sweetheart." He whispers bringing his hand up to caress my cheek, my breath hitches the more I stare at him.

"What have you done to me?" He asks softly, his voice barely audible and his lips parted, he lets go of his hand and drops back on the sofa, I couldn't help the disappointment that came with that but he did the right thing, I knew it, he did too, but I needed to tell him that I didn't actually sleep with that fucker, I just knew that I couldn't bear doing it, what the hell would I say? No Nash we didn't sleep together but your teammate almost raped me, and I couldn't bear telling you the truth because I was...I don't even know, I just couldn't?

"We'll talk when you're sober, Nash," I say softly and he nods, I carefully plant a kiss on his cheek and get up then close the door of the room behind me, I let out a breath trying so hard to embrace myself for what's coming.

***

I close my room's door behind me and get inside, letting out a breath, I untie my hair letting my curls fall to my shoulder, I check myself in the nearest mirror, my makeup is kinda smeared, and black circles under my eyes, I rub my eyes staring at myself for a moment longer.

I move next to the drawer and open it then my brows furrow when I find a letter folded on it, I inhale a breath and drop to the mattress still holding it, and I open it carefully.

Dear sister,
I'm sorry for what I've put you through, sorry will never be enough, but at least I know that I owe you an apology, or an explanation, simply I just have no explanation or a reason for what I did, but I'm ill Octavia I know that I'm, a while after I was pronounced dead, way before y'all were adopted, a kind old guy took me, he said he'd look after me and raise me well, since he knew that I was dead to everyone, I couldn't come back to you, I just couldn't, I couldn't take it anymore Octavia, it drove me out of my fucking mind, everything that has happened, you and Brendan were way stronger than me, I just couldn't bear living with the pain of it, with the pressure of it, so that old man, he helped me through it, he would take me on hunting and climbing and anything distractive, but they never fucking helped, never, I'd take pills to try stopping the war inside my head, it didn't start...all at once, at first I'd kill some animals, it was disgusting but something about it caught my attention, it kept me trapped away from the battles inside my mind, it kept being animals for two years until once I accidentally killed someone, it switched everything inside me, every fucking thing.

It was like a kill switch to my mind and body, it made me feel numb, feel nothing, there was finally some silence in my fucking head, it was no longer exhausting, nothing will justify what I'd done but I really fucking missed you, and as much as I'd hate to admit that, but I missed you the most Octavia I've never thought about my brothers that much, I missed our talks, I missed everything, I started to keep an eye on you for years, before I finally had the balls to show up again, also, did I mention that the old man who helped me is actually your adopted father who turns out to be our mother's cousin?? See how fucked up and twisted that sounds, I didn't know about that either, anyway, he went out of the plan and somehow told your boyfriend that I was alive and abroad, I wanted to fucking kill him, he'd have blown everything up.

So I kept an eye on you like I said until I needed to see you, it started as cute messages I ordered Helen to send, for me to just see that smile spread on your face like old days, then she'd started to send more shit, it made you scared and trembling, I didn't care about that as much as I did about finally meeting you again, I swear I didn't mean for it to happen that way, and I want you to know sister that as I'm writing this at the mental hospital, I'd have never shoot you, I'd have never hurt you or any of my brothers, Octavia, I just needed help, and I finally got it, I love you and I'm so proud of what you've overcome, I hope I get better Octavia, please come meet me, don't forget about me again sister, I'm not dead this time.
Love,
Christopher.

That chapter took so long for some mysterious reason idek but here we are 🫶

I'm sorry if there's any mistake in here, I wasn't really focused this chapter 🤭